Memories of Another Life
by Mia Vaan
Summary: On that fateful Halloween night back in season 2, Buffy decides to dress up as a geek - a geek who exists in the real world, with knowledge of everything that'll happen to Buffy and her friends. So when the spell is been and gone, Buffy is left with that painful knowledge. Will it break her, or give her the chance to live her life with no mistakes?
1. Prologue: A Girl Named Kim

**Disclaimer: The rights for **_**Buffy the Vampire Slayer**_** belong to Joss Whedon. Original characters belong to the author. **

**AN: This is just an experiment. The idea came to me, and while part of me thinks it's an original idea, another part of me thinks it'll backfire. So I'm going to upload this first chapter, and if people like it then I'll continue.**

* * *

Buffy caught sight of the pink princess costume on the other side of the shop, but barely a few seconds later Harmony stepped in the way. The popular girl squealed, jumping up and down as she convinced the shop keeper to take it off the mannequin.

The Slayer sighed. _So much for that. Wouldn't have been able to afford it, anyway_. She then saw another mannequin wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, with a pair of white trainers underneath and some fake glasses on the mannequin's face.

"Closet geek. Original," said Xander, noticing the costume as well.

"I think that's more of an out-in-the-open geek," Willow corrected him.

Buffy read what it said on the t-shirt. '_Kim Kerr; resident Jedi Master, Starfleet Commander, Hobbit, Avenger and Vampire Slayer_'.

"You should get it, Buff," said Xander. "I mean, it has the words 'Vampire Slayer' on it; this costume was _meant_ for you."

"And you said Halloween is a time to come as you aren't," said Willow.

"I guess." Buffy shrugged. "And it's in my budget, so why not? But where did the name 'Kim Kerr' come from?"

* * *

"Kim! Come and help with the candy!"

"Be there in a second, Mum!" Twenty-one year old Kim Kerr turned to where he seven year old brother, Max, was sat on the couch. He was dressed as a typical vampire; fake teeth, pale skin and black cloak. "So while the vampires in your stories dress like that, actual vampire dress like you and me."

"But what's the Vampire Slayer got to do with it?" asked Max.

Kim turned to her boyfriend, Zack Owens, and sent him a smirk. He smirked back. "Well, she fell in love with a vampire. But it didn't really work out," said Kim.

Max's head tilted quizzically. "How?"

"Let me lay it down for you." Kim's eyes widened in false innocence as she and Zack began to prance around, acting out the epic romance they always loved to mock. "Oh, Angel! I know that I'm a Slayer and you're a vampire, and it would be impossible for us to be together by that alone, not to mention the curse!"

"But that same Gypsie curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth," said Zack, deepening his voice. "Oh, Buffy! I love you so much that I almost forgot to brood!"

Kim turned away from him. "And even though you turned evil and I had to send you to Hell that one time, it doesn't mean we can't just be friends!"

Zack took her into his arms. "Or possibly more!"

Kim pulled away. "Gasp! No, we mustn't! Even though I'm too much of an immature and dumb teenage girl to see that you're bad for me!"

"Kiss me!" demanded Zack. He pulled Kim towards him once more.

"Bite me!"

"How about you both bite me?"

Kim and Zack leapt away from one another before turning to Kim's mother, Darlene. She was stood in the doorway, dressed as the She-Hulk, watching with a smirk on her face.

"We were, err…just giving Max a crash course," said Kim. "Since he's, you know, not allowed to watch it yet."

"And we can't give him the Spuffy crash course yet; that would be inappropriate," said Zack.

Darlene rolled her eyes. By her side Kim's father, Callum, appeared dressed as Batman. "You ready to go, Max?"

"Yeah!" The little boy leapt to his feet.

"Louis, Alice, time to go!" Darlene called up the stairs. Kim's younger twin siblings, aged twelve, hurried down the stairs. Louis was dressed as Spock while Alice was dressed as Princess Leia.

"The candy's in the kitchen," Callum told Kim. "And don't scare the kids too much." The parents and kids were gone within the next minute, leaving Kim and Zack alone.

"You wanna watch the _Buffy_ Halloween episode?" asked Kim.

"Which one?" her boyfriend asked.

"The first one, obviously," said Kim. "It's the best."

"Yeah, although I do like the one in season four." Zack chuckled. "Best punch line ever."

"Actual size." Kim laughed along with him.

When they were sat on the couch and switching on the TV, Zack's eyes lingered on his girlfriend's new t-shirt. "I still can't get over that shirt. How much did you spend on it?"

"Doesn't matter how much I spent; it was worth it." Kim looked down at the custom-made shirt; she couldn't wait to show it off at the next convention. "I think I might sleep in it."

"Just try not to fall asleep too soon and leave me to brave the kiddies alone," said Zack.

They turned their attention back to where the DVD menu had appeared on the screen.

During the episode the pair took it in turns to answer the door, pausing the DVD whenever they did. Half way through, when the spell was just about to take effect, Kim found herself getting overly-tired, and quickly.

"Zack…I think there might have been something in my drink." She yawned loudly, and could barely keep her eyes open.

"Are you just trying to get out of getting up next time?" asked her boyfriend. "I might let it slide if you get me a shirt just like yours."

"But you'll have to put 'Watcher' on yours instead of 'Vampire…Slayer'." Her eyes closed.

And when she opened them again, Kim was standing in the middle of a very familiar street.

Sunnydale. And there were costumed kids running around everywhere, newly changed into what they'd come as.

"Ooh. This is one of those lucid dreams when I know I'm asleep and can control what happens," Kim said to herself. "Awesome." The kids she had apparently been chaperoning ran off, and Kim began to wander.

It all looked so real, but she was certain that it couldn't be. Looking down at herself, she found that she was wearing the same clothes she had fallen asleep in, but noticed that she was also…thinner. When she came across a house, she looked in the reflection of the window to see why.

She gasped. She was Buffy, dressed in her clothes.

_What a weird dream_.

"Buffy!"

Kim turned to see Willow and Xander hurrying towards her. They were both dressed in their costumes from the Halloween episode.

Then a pair of demons ran towards them, and they all froze.

"This could be a situation," said Xander.

"Buffy, what do we do?" asked Willow.

Kim decided to play along. After all, technically, she wasn't Buffy. "What? I'm not Buffy. I'm Kim."

Willow turned to her with wide eyes. "Huh?"

Xander fired several rounds of shots, scaring the demons away.

"Seriously, I'm not Buffy," said Kim. _This is actually kinda fun_.

"Oh, great. I was hoping you'd been spared." Willow turned back to Xander. "She's not Buffy."

"Who's Buffy?" he asked.

"A friend." Willow sighed. "How are we supposed to get through this without the Slayer?"

"What's a Slayer?" asked Xander.

"A Slayer slays vampires and demons," said Kim.

"Well, at least you know that, but I guess you would since it's on your t-shirt, and all," said Willow. "Basically, everyone has become their costumes; I'm a ghost, Xander's a soldier, and you're a geek."

"I didn't know you could dress as geeks for Halloween." Kim shrugged. "So I'm guessing this is some kind of spell, or something?"

"Yeah," said Willow. "I suppose you could help, being a geek and all."

A demon suddenly appeared behind them, but Xander leapt and hit it with his gun. "I suggest we get inside before we come across some more monsters."

"Yes, let's," said Willow

"Where do we go?" asked Xander.

"Where's the closest…?" Willow looked around, thinking. "Oh! We can go to a friend's!"

She hurried towards Buffy's house with Xander close behind, and Kim followed. _This is the coolest dream ever! And to make it better, I'm not dressed as a princess; that would've been torture. _

When they reached the house, Xander stepped in first to check. "All clear!"

Willow stepped in after. "Hello? Mrs. Summers?" When there was no reply, she sighed. "Good, she's gone."

"Where are we?" asked Kim, keeping up the act.

"Your place."

"My place?"

"Yeah, you don't remember, but you're really Buffy," replied Willow. "Now we just need to-"

There was a sudden banging at the door. Xander ran over to it.

"Don't open it!" Willow ordered him.

"It could be a civilian," he said.

"Or a demon."

Kim walked over and picked up a picture of Buffy. The frame felt real in her hand. _A really lucid dream. I'll have to try and do this again sometime; maybe I can end up inside Star Wars or Thor_. "Is this really me?" she asked.

"It _is_ you," said Willow. "Buffy, can't you remember at all?"

"No." While it was a lie, at the same time it wasn't. While Kim knew who Buffy was and what had happened to her, she wasn't _Buffy_, therefore there were no memories to remember.

A hand smashed through the window of the door – a demon hand.

"Not a civilian!" yelled Willow.

"Affirmative!" Xander stuck his gun through the gap and began to shoot.

Willow gasped. "Hey, what did we say?!"

"Big noise, scare monster, remember?" said Xander.

"Got it."

There was a sudden scream outside. Xander cursed under his breath before yanking the door open and running out. A few minutes later, Willow opened the door and let him back in again; Cordelia was with him.

"What's going on?" the cheerleader asked.

"OK, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school and we're your friends. Well, sort of," said Willow.

Cordelia didn't look amused. "That's nice, Willow. And you went mental _when?_"

"You know us?" Willow shot her a look of confusion.

"Yeah, lucky me. What's with the name game?"

"A lot's going on!"

"No kidding! I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the dog face boy! Look at my costume!" She gestured to where her cat costume had been ripped on the arm. "Do you really think I'm gonna get my deposit back from Party Town? Not likely!"

"Here." Xander gave her his jacket.

Cordelia looked confused, but didn't protest. "Thanks."

"Willow here says that we've become who we're dressed as," said Kim. "She's a ghost, that guy's an army guy, and I'm a geek named Kim."

"Buffy dressed up as a geek?" Cordelia's eyebrow rose. "And here I thought she couldn't get any lamer."

"She was on a budget for her costume," said Willow. "You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off."

Xander nodded while Cordelia looked confused. "So what's going on again?"

"Buffy A.K.A. Kim just explained it," said Willow. "It's like amnesia. They don't know who they are. Just sit tight." She disappeared through the wall.

"Who died and made her the boss?" asked Cordelia.

Kim just smirked, resisting the urge to point out that Willow had been turned into a ghost. With Willow gone, the trio began to pile furniture up in front of the doors.

"You!" Xander pointed to Cordelia. "Check upstairs and make sure everything's locked up."

Obviously still a little thankful about giving her his jacket, Cordelia did as asked without a word. Xander then noticed a picture of himself, Willow and Buffy; he picked it up.

"Whoa. She must be right," he said. "We must have some kind of amnesia."

"It makes sense," said Kim. She walked over to a mirror to look at herself properly. "This Buffy girl's a way better figure than me; do you realize how hard it is for me to lose weight?" It was only then that she realized her hair was up in two little pony tails. "And what was she thinking with this hairstyle? I look like a twelve year old!"

That's when Angel walked into the room. "Oh, good. You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there."

"Who are you?" asked Xander in confusion.

Angel looked just as confused. "OK, someone wanna fill me in?"

"Do you live here?" asked Xander.

"No, and you _do_ know that." Angel turned to Kim. "Buffy, I'm lost here."

Kim bit her lip, resisting the urge to tell the broody vampire exactly where to stick it. "I'm not Buffy. We've turned into our costumes, apparently. And no offence, but Buffy has _no_ taste in men. You're _not_ my type of guy."

Angel looked hurt, and Kim supposed that had been a little harsh. Angel wasn't a bad character; he was pretty cool on his own show, out of Buffy's reach. It was his ridiculous romance with the Slayer that was annoying.

Cordelia walked into the room. "They don't know who they are, and everyone's turned into a monster; it's a whole big thing. How are you?"

The lights suddenly shut off, and there was more banging at the door.

"You take the civilian into the kitchen," Xander told Angel. "Cat woman, you're with me."

Angel grabbed Kim's hand, but she yanked it away. "I can follow you by myself, you know. I don't need a man by my side to make me strong."

"So are all girl-geeks feminists?"

Kim shrugged. "Only the real ones."

Once they were in the kitchen, they noticed the open door. "Wait, I didn't leave that open." He walked over to shut it.

Suddenly a demon leapt out of the closet and tried to grab Kim. She turned and whacked it, before Angel grabbed it and pinned it to the floor. "Stake! Get me a stake!"

"But what if it's just a poor kid in a costume?" Kim pointed out.

Angel turned to her, showing his vampire face. Deciding that she really wanted to be away from him – and deciding to go with the flow of the episode – Kim faked a scream and ran out the door.

Once she was certain Angel wasn't following, she stopped running. "God. It's guys like him which makes girls like Buffy all the more stupid. They show up, stalk the girls, the girls think it's out of love, then the guy turns out to be a jerk and the girl gets burnt. I'm beginning to realize where the whole _Twilight_ vibe started… And oh my God, I can't believe I just said that!" She slapped herself.

Kim continued walking as she surveyed her surroundings. This part of the neighbourhood had thankfully quietened down.

"OK, think," she said to herself. "Buffy ran to that alley where she met the pirate, who Xander beat to a pulp. Then Spike showed up. Good. If I stick to the script, play it safe, everything should work out just fine…or not."

She halted when she saw Spike stood in the middle of the road, facing her with a couple of demon minions behind him.

_OK, I need to remember that he's evil at this point._ _God, why couldn't I have dreamt myself into season seven, or something?_

He smirked at her. "What're you supposed to be, Slayer?"

"A geek," said Kim. "Are you not aware of what's happening around you? Everyone's turned into their costumes. So right now, I'm not Buffy." She pointed to her name on the shirt. "I'm Kim. You want to kill the Slayer, and technically, you won't be killing her."

"But that's her body, and with no body, no Slayer," said Spike. "I would prefer to fight you at full strength; I've always liked to dance with Slayers, and I've been particularly lookin' forwards to dancin' with you. But my Dru needs her strength back, and right now, you're a soddin' thorn in my side who won't let me heal her."

"If this Dru's a dangerous vampire, I can see why Buffy doesn't want her to heal," said Kim. She knew she had to sound convincing in her partial confusion; Spike was a lot harder to fool than the Scoobies.

Thankfully he seemed to buy her false naivety. He took several steps towards her. "With you gone, Dru and I will paint the town red and dance on your grave."

_Distraction…he needs a distraction…_ Kim sighed, faking boredom. "I don't think you'll get your wish; this Buffy girl's obvious kicked your ass several times, and this weird spell is gonna wear off at some point- Oh my God, that kid was dressed as a _dragon_?! How big _was_ his costume?!"

It worked; Spike turned curiously to look, and the moment he had, Kim legged it the other way. "Made you look!"

"You bloody bitch!"

Kim laughed as she ran. Somehow, Buffy's Slayer powers were still in effect; Kim could run faster, and she didn't tire. _Unless that's just the dream_.

She found herself at the alley where she bumped into the pirate, whom she kicked away rather spectacularly. No sooner had she done so, the others arrived; Xander ran and pummelled the pirate into the ground while Cordelia and Angel hurried to see if Kim/Buffy was OK.

"Sorry I scared you," Angel apologized.

"You could've told me you were a vampire!" Kim yelled, smacking his arm.

Cordelia looked between them, before her gaze rested on Angel. "So wait, you really _are _a vampire? My bad; Buffy can have you."

Xander re-joined them. "It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure."

"Guys!"

They turned to see Willow hurrying towards them. "Willow!" Cordelia cried out.

"We have to get inside!" She turned and pointed towards where Spike had appeared with his demon groupies.

"We need a triage," said Xander.

Angel nodded. "This way. Find an open warehouse."

"Ladies, we're on the move!" Xander led Cordelia and Willow away.

Kim went to follow, and was almost grabbed by Angel. She battered his arms away. "I'm not some damsel in distress; I can run on my own!"

They hurried after Xander. He led them into an empty warehouse, and after ordering, "Check if they're any other ways in!" he and Angel began to build a barricade.

Kim looked around, and seeing several crates stacked up, she climbed on top of them. _I might as well make use of the dream and prove to Mr. Broody that I can take care of myself_.

When she reached the top, the barricade broke and the demons poured in. Xander and Angel tried to fight back, but they were soon surrounded and captured.

Spike looked around. "Where's the Slayer? Or rather, the bint in the Slayer's body?"

Using her newfound Slayer strength, Kim pushed several of the crates down towards the group. Most were able to dodge the avalanche, but two of Spike's vampire mooks were crushed underneath the rubble.

Kim climbed down and stood defiant in front of Spike. "I don't need any powers to fight you. I've got plenty I can use here," She pointed to her head, "and here." She pointed to her heart.

"Yeah, well this ain't a bleedin' Disney film," Spike spat. "I'm gonna kill you and have myself a real good day. And since I quite fancy that t-shirt of yours, I'm gonna keep it as a souvenir."

"Does that make you a closet geek?" Kim couldn't resist asking.

"Enough interruptions!" Spike stalked forwards.

Suddenly Kim felt herself being ripped from the Slayer's body, and seconds later, she was lying on her couch with Zack looking over her.

"You fell asleep," he said.

Kim sat up. The TV was still on and still playing the episode; it had just reached the point where Buffy was back to herself, Spike having pulled the wig off her.

She grinned before turning back to Zack. "You'll never believe the awesome dream I just had!"

* * *

When Buffy found that she was in control of her own body, she didn't hesitate to attack Spike. She kicked him, punched him and threw him across the room, and after a quick glance over at her friends to make sure the eyes of the kids were averted, she broke off a piece of wood to use as a stake.

Buffy held it high above her head as she prepared to stake the vampire.

But when she looked into his eyes, she froze.

She had seen the memories of the girl who had been in her body; she was still trying to understand exactly what she had seen.

One thing she had seen, though, was Spike – fighting by her side, protecting her family, remaining loyal to her when everyone else had turned their backs, saving the world…

And just like that, she knew she couldn't stake him.

Spike saw her hesitation, and for a moment he looked just as shocked as she felt. But then the shock wore off, and he tore away from her. He picked himself up off the floor and bolted from the factory.

"Buffy, are you alright?"

Buffy turned back to her friends…but had to look away again. Her friends… She had seen so much happen to them…so much pain…

And Angel… She couldn't even look at Angel.

After a moment's pause, Buffy nodded in reply to the question. But inside, she knew she was most certainly _not_ OK.


	2. Chapter One: Goodbye, Angel

**AN: So I received a lot more positive feedback than I was expecting on this story. Thanks, guys.**

* * *

"_Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice."_ – Unknown

* * *

Buffy lied when she assured Angel that she was OK. She didn't lie when she said she needed some time alone.

Because she needed to think over what had happened that night – what she had seen in the memories of the girl who had taken over her body.

Buffy had been unable to get out; the spell had prevented her from even trying. She was thankful when it didn't stop her Slayer powers from seeping through, giving the girl some form of defence.

So while she had been watching what was going on, she had also been going through the girl's memories; what she was thinking about. It had shocked her to discover that somehow, the girl knew everything about them.

Their lives were a TV show where this girl came from.

Buffy had seen weird things in her life, and she knew this shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did. If it had just been the simple knowledge of this, she would've been fine. But no. She had to see everything.

Everything that would happen to her and those she cared about – which eventually included _Spike_ for some twisted reason.

There had been so much pain…so much suffering. That was all Buffy could think about; the pain.

Angel losing his soul. Jenny dying. Her being expelled. Her two best friends losing loved ones over one thing or another. The sudden appearance of a sister who turned out to be a key.

Her mother dying.

_Her_ dying – and then coming back so broken and hurting those around her…

And then Willow…

Buffy couldn't take it. She curled up on her bed and cried.

And cried. And cried.

Hours later, when she had cried herself dry, Buffy felt she had calmed down enough to take some form of action. But what?

_Write it all down, in case it's all gone tomorrow_. Buffy decided it was a good idea, so took out a notepad and pen. She divided the events into seasons; that was how the show had been divided in the girl's head.

First off, season two – or part of it, as the first six episodes had already happened. _The arrival of Ford from LA, Ethan Rayne, Kendra showing up, the three assassins, Spike trying to use Angel to heal Drusilla, the robot boyfriend, the egg-laying demon, Angel…_

She paused, put the pen down and took in several deep breaths. Then she picked it up again and continued writing. _Angel losing his soul, Oz becoming a werewolf, Xander performing a love spell, Miss Calendar…_

Once again she put down the pen. _I have to write it down; then I can stop it_. She picked up the pen again. _Miss Calendar's death, the trip to the hospital, a student and teacher from 1955, fish boys, Kendra's death, getting expelled, running away…_

It continued onwards. She got through season three without much of a hitch, apart from hesitating towards the end when detailing Angel's poisoning. Season four was relatively easy, while season five was not. She almost started crying again while recalling her mother's supposed death, which then almost started up again when she re-watched her _own_ death.

She barely got through season six. Season seven was a little easier, but still hard.

She also jotted down some notes about Angel's LA adventures, realizing that at least the more important ones would need to be taken care of. _But would he even go there?_

She knew that was the first problem she needed to solve; Angel.

She loved him, but seeing everything their love had led to, her head cleared of her clouded judgement and she forced herself to look at him rationally. _That other Slayer, Kendra, said that I wasn't thinking straight when it came to him. I guess she got that right_.

She hadn't thought their relationship through, and it had resulted in him losing his soul.

He had almost destroyed their lives. She had been forced to kill him. And yet, when he came back with a new soul, she still loved him. Despite killing Jenny, almost killing her friends and almost killing _her_. He'd said that he wanted her so much, he would be willing to lose his soul again just to sleep with her.

That terrified her – that Angel would want her so much he would be willing to hurt her all over again.

_Their romance was stupid; it's like the dumb high school romance where teen girls mistake their hormones for real love_. The opinions of the girl were still there. Buffy didn't want to agree, but she was forced to; she had seen what loving Angel would do to her. It had hurt – _will_ hurt – both of them.

She didn't _want_ to see it – she wanted to keep on loving him and keep things safe where she liked it and no one was getting hurt – but she was forced to. Reality forced realization upon her. Suddenly she was realizing that she barely even knew Angel; there had been no in-between where they'd gotten to know one another. _But I want to get to know him…maybe then, I could…_

She cared for him still. She had to let him down easy; she had to tell him that what they had – what they would eventually want – could never work out. She supposed telling him about the clause in the curse would do the trick.

_But how?_ She knew she couldn't just tell him out of the blue, else he would wonder where she had gotten her information from. And she didn't want to tell anyone about what she had seen; she didn't want anyone else knowing about all the pain they would go through in the future. It was a burden enough for her.

Buffy thought up a plan. _My prophetic Slayer dreams could work. But they were always so ambiguous_. She then recalled a couple which had told her about Jenny's involvement. _I could go to her; she would know about the curse, and it would be a plausible excuse_.

She put down the pen and sighed, before closing up the notepad. She didn't want her mother or Angel to find it.

_Angel in my room… OK, I've only just realized how creepy that is_.

Climbing into bed, she looked longingly over at the notepad before turning over. She needed to think before she made any long-term plans; she needed to think through the consequences of any changes she could make, so she didn't make things worse.

_And I don't wanna imagine how things could get any worse than what I saw_.

* * *

Spike paced backwards and forwards, hands on his hips as they always were.

He knew he shouldn't be thinking about it, but he couldn't get it out of his head – the single moment which had thrown him completely.

The Slayer had been mere moments from killing him; she had been on top of him, stake raised high above her head and ready to drive it through his heart, thus putting an end to his existence.

Except she hadn't – for some reason which he couldn't understand, she hadn't carried out the deed.

She had stared at him; one moment her eyes had been full of hate, and then the next, they had changed. He couldn't explain what he'd seen in her eyes. Sorrow? Pity? Shock? Kindness? Admiration? Or all of the above?

Either way, none of the above were emotions Spike had expected to see in the eyes of a Slayer ready for the kill.

He had been at her mercy, and yet – for some reason – she had chosen not to kill him. She had let him go.

Mercy? Spike didn't think so. She wasn't stupid enough to give him some form of twisted mercy. He was a vampire; a monster she was supposed to kill without question. He had never given her a reason not to kill him; he'd tried to kill her and her friends, after all.

This just made everything all the more confusing.

It wasn't hesitation; Spike had seen her fighting – studied her in hopes of finding a weak spot – and like every Slayer before her, she never hesitated when it came to killing vampires. Hesitation was dangerous; it gave enemies a chance to get back on their feet and retaliate. So why had she?

He supposed he should also be asking himself why he hadn't retaliated during her hesitation, but the answer he came up with was quick and good enough; he had been outnumbered, and taken off guard. He wasn't prepared for a fight against her.

Was it the same with her? Was she not ready? It would make sense; she had spent a good part of the night thinking she was some geek girl with no fighting capabilities.

It would make it simple, accepting that the Slayer simply hadn't been ready to kill him. But it still made no sense. If she hadn't been ready for a fight, she wouldn't have started fighting him in the first place; she had certainly been ready. And what had happened that night definitely wouldn't have stopped her from staking him when she had the chance.

Whenever he thought he had a plausible reason for why she'd done it, he'd realize the reason was stupid and he'd be back to square one.

"Spike."

The vampire turned to find Drusilla stood a couple of steps behind him. She was swaying to and fro, still very weak from their run in with the mob from Prague, and Spike crossed to her in two great strides. He placed his arms around her. "Kitten, you shouldn't be up and about."

"You didn't kill her," said the female vampire. She dug her sharp nails into his hands.

Spike winced. "No. Something happened, pet. There's no need to worry; I'll kill her for you."

"You must!" Drusilla gripped the arms of her lover tightly, and there was desperation in her eyes. "I have seen something truly horrible."

"I'm guessin' you mean 'horrible' in the way that it's bad for us," Spike commented.

Drusilla pulled him in close, as if afraid that someone would take him from her. "The Slayer; she changed tonight. She's not the same anymore. She's grown; she's seen things that have made her grow."

Spike frowned. "I know she changed, but what do you mean by 'grow', pet?"

"She's seen," said Drusilla. "The naughty little pixie that was in her body made her see wonderfully terrible things. And she'll try to change it all. She'll take you away, my dark prince; she'll take you away from me."

"No one's gonna take me away from you, pet," Spike said firmly. "Especially not the Slayer. She won't kill me."

"No, she won't," the female vampire continued. "She'll do worse. She'll make you her naughty doggie."

Spike's frown deepened. _This is crazy talk, even for Dru. What in the world is she goin' on about?_

* * *

Buffy waited until class was over and everyone else had left before she approached Miss Calendar. "Miss Calendar, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Buffy." The teacher sat back down at her desk again, having risen to her feet at the end of the class. "Is there a problem?"

"Maybe, but it's not to do with school." Buffy's hands fidgeted; she had already mentally run through what she needed to say several times, but that didn't take away how nervous she felt. Part of her screamed not to do this; that she loved Angel and couldn't break up with him. But she remained firmly in place as she continued, "I had a dream last night; a prophetic one."

Jenny nodded. "Rupert did tell me you had those. But shouldn't you be telling him this?"

"You were in this one," said Buffy. "Do you know more about Angel than you're letting on?" When the woman's eyes widened slightly, Buffy hurriedly added, "I'm not mad, or anything. You have your reasons, I guess. It's just… If you do, then I need to ask you about the curse."

Jenny sighed before she nodded. "Yes, I know more about him than what I told you. My real name is Janna of the Kalderash; my family were the ones who cursed Angel with his soul all those years ago. I was sent here to keep an eye on him; to make sure his curse remained intact."

"And that's what I wanted to ask you about," said Buffy. "Excuse me here if I sound old fashioned, but most curses I read about in fairy-tales are broken by a true love's kiss. It might be different here, but I don't wanna go anywhere with Angel if he means he loses his soul."

Gazing at her intently, Jenny nodded with a smile. "I appreciate you coming to me about this, Buffy. It was the mature thing to do. When it comes to love, girls your age don't think these things through; it's easy to get in over your head. What you said about the curse is roughly right; if Angel is to experience even a moment of true happiness, his soul will be taken from him and he will become what he is before. And while my family never elaborated on what his true moment of happiness could be, they implied strongly enough for it to be sex."

Buffy sighed. She didn't want to hear it, she really didn't, but hearing the words from someone else made it both easier and harder. Part of her had hoped that what she had seen had been wrong; that what the girl saw on her TV screen was a lie and that she and Angel would be together for the rest of their lives.

But she knew she had to stop living in a fantasy world. This was the real world, where things never always ended happily.

"So I have to break up with him before it goes too far." Buffy sighed.

She saw Jenny give her a look of sympathy. "While my duty is to my clan, I've seen Angel in action; he can do real good here, and my people's vengeance against him has lasted for far too long. At the same time, I know we can't risk him losing his soul. But I have a suggestion that may work."

Buffy's eyes lit up with hope. "What's that?"

"There's a saying, 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it's yours. But if it doesn't, it was never meant to be.' Also known as the long distance relationship," Jenny explained. "Angel can go away; leave for weeks or months, depending on what happens. That way, the lust you two feel for each other can cool, and you can get used to being apart. Then when he returns, and you both feel you can handle a relationship without it leading to sex, then continue it. But if you can't handle it, then it's best to remain apart."

_That could work_. From what she had seen, she and Angel had been able to be around each other more comfortably after he'd left for LA. The heartache she had felt earlier eased with the hope that maybe, just maybe, they could be together, after all.

All they had to do was remain apart for a certain length of time. _I can do that_. "I'll talk to him."

Jenny nodded, smiling. "But during your time apart, you can't pin for him. You can't miss him to the point of tears, and you can't worry too much. You have to accept that you both have lives of your own, and that you can live without the other. Only then will you know that your love is true."

* * *

When Angel appeared in her room that night, Buffy was ready. She only hoped that Angel was ready for what she was about to tell him.

"I had a dream last night," she told him.

"One of your Slayer dreams?"

She nodded. "It told me that Miss Calendar knew more about you than she was letting on, and it was right. Her family was the clan which cursed you in the first place."

Angel looked away; he couldn't bring himself to hate the people who'd cursed him, for they had given him a chance at redemption – and they had led him to Buffy. "What's she doing here?"

"She was sent to keep an eye on you," said Buffy. "I decided to ask her about something which has been nagging at me for a while; finding out about her only brought the questions forward."

"About the curse?"

Again, Buffy nodded. "I love you, Angel. But I can't let that cloud my better judgement. Miss Calendar explained that if you experience a moment of pure happiness, the curse will be broken and you'll…you'll…"

"Turn back into a monster," he finished.

"We can't let that happen," Buffy insisted. "She said that although her family never elaborated on what that moment of happiness could be, she was certain that…sleeping with me would do the trick. Which means…"

He sighed. "Which means we can't be together."

"Or," Buffy began, "we can try something else. Miss Calendar suggested we spend some time apart. If you leave Sunnydale and not come back for some time, we can see if it truly works; we'll learn to live without each other and keep our heads clear."

Angel rose to his feet and walked away from her, his back turned as he stared at the wall. Buffy could see how much he was fighting for control; her thoughts returned to what would happen in over a year, and how he would admit to wanting her so much he didn't care if he lost his soul…

"So I have to leave for a time if we want this to work?" he asked.

"Angel, if you can't do that, then this can't work," said Buffy. "I'll be fine; I can take care of myself. I don't need you here to protect me."

"I still don't like leaving you here, especially with Spike around." He looked at her again. "Why did you let him go last night?"

Buffy bit her lip, and pushed away the images of Spike smiling lovingly at her. "I don't know. Something came over me; probably an effect of the spell. But I can fight him; heck, my _mum_ can take him. Angel, you need to leave, and you need to do it without this worry about me. While being a little bit worried is OK, too much of it would blind you and we'll know for sure this can't work. You need to calm yourself."

Angel took in several deep breaths, but not out of the need to breathe; he was calming himself like Buffy said for him to do. It seemed to work, for his face relaxed if only a little. "You're right. If this is gonna work out between us, we need to solve the problem."

"And soon," said Buffy. "If we put it off any longer, then it'll be harder. Go now. Tonight. The sooner you do, the easier it is, and the sooner we can see if this – _us_ – can ever be a thing."

He nodded. "It'll probably be easier if we don't say 'goodbye'."

Buffy nodded in agreement, recalling Angel's departure to LA; that had been easier, him just leaving without a teary goodbye. "I'll tell the others in the morning. And please, don't tell me how long it'll be; don't set yourself a set time. Just come back when you're ready."

"I will."

Those were his last words; he climbed out the window after a moment of silence, and Buffy refused to watch him walking away. She knew it was for the best, but it still hurt.

She shook her head. _No, I can't let it hurt. If I want this to work, I can't let it hurt_.


	3. Chapter Two: Ford for Thought

**AN: I didn't receive as many reviews as before for the last chapter, and I think I understand why people are being wary; you wouldn't expect to see Buffy desperate to be with Angel in a Spuffy story. But I wanted to make this as realistic as I could; Buffy's still a teenager, and still pinning for Angel, so she would be reluctant to completely turn her back on him. Also she's stubborn; that's just part of who she is. But her feelings for Angel won't last long.**

* * *

Buffy stood outside the publishing house with butterflies in her stomach. Slaying vampires and facing demons didn't faze her, and yet, the thought of setting her mother up on a date terrified her.

_I guess I'm just worried that it won't work out. Mum didn't know him for very long, and I never even saw him_. Brian had been a very minor character in the show from what she had seen; not only had he never shown up, but his first name had only been mentioned. She didn't even know what his last name was.

All she knew was that he worked at Sunnydale's only publishing house. _For all I know there could be a couple of men named Brian. Why is this so hard to do?_ She had already rehearsed what she was going to say; that she was thinking about going into publishing after college, and wanted to get a feel of the workplace. She had even done some research on the subject – and was admittedly intrigued by the prospect.

_All this just to set my mum up on a date_. Buffy knew it would be worth it; she wanted to see her mother happy, and she had been after that one date with Brian. Not to mention that if she was happily dating him, she wouldn't look twice at Ted when he showed up. _Leaving me to take care of the robot creep quietly_.

After taking in a deep breath, Buffy entered the building. There was a small reception desk at the front – nothing fancy as the publishing house was small – and the woman behind it looked up. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for Brian…something. I can't remember his last name," said Buffy. "I hope there isn't more than one."

"Only one; Brian Rothman. This floor, second door to the left."

"Thank you." Buffy followed her directions, and her pace slowed the closer she got to the door. It was open, and looking inside Buffy could see that the office was small and surprisingly casual. Formality didn't appear to be a thing in this workplace.

Brian wasn't even dressed in a suit; just a t-shirt and jeans. He was a similar age to her mother, with dark hair and lovely blue eyes, and Buffy concealed a sigh of relief when she saw no wedding ring in sight. He looked up when he saw Buffy in the doorway and sent her a warm smile. "Can I help?"

"Maybe?" Buffy smiled back. "I've just been looking around. I was thinking about getting into publishing once I left college, and I wanted to see what it was like."

"Teens showing initiative. I like it." Brian sat down at his desk. "Excuse me for being the typical guy stereotyping people, but you don't look like the type of girl who would be interested in publishing; more like acting or singing."

"I used to be that type of girl, but then I realized I was living in the real world."

He chuckled. "I'm not busy right now. I can answer any questions you may have."

"That'd be great." Buffy sat down opposite him before taking out her notepad from her bag. Just like she'd planned it, a picture of her and her mother fell out. "Oops. Sorry. Been using that as a book-mark." She went to pick it up.

For a moment, Brian was struck with awe by the sight of Joyce; Buffy could see it in his eyes. "Is that your mother?"

"Yep, that's her," said Buffy. "She's single." When Brian looked back at her, she cringed. "That really sounded like a plea of 'take my mother on a date so she's out of my hair', didn't it?"

Brian laughed. "A little bit, but I don't mind." Then after some hesitation, he added, "So she's really single?"

Buffy smiled. "If you still want her number after the questions, I'll surrender it to you."

* * *

While out on patrol later that night, Buffy thought over how well it had gone with Brian.

The idea of working in publishing had become far more appealing to her after he'd answered her questions. It was a simple job which didn't take up many hours or too much effort, and it was decent pay. Brian had said she didn't really need any qualifications to apply for a job there.

Buffy still intended to go to college. But after the talk with Brian – and after he offered her a place as an intern once she left high school – she began thinking about only attending part-time. From what she'd seen, she hadn't really been one for college life. Going there part-time while living at home suited her just fine.

Thinking about what could potentially be her job in the future had almost distracted her from the reason she went there in the first place. She gave Brian her mother's number, and while he hadn't called yet, she was certain he would the following day.

_Right now I have more important things to take care of_. She headed for the playground where she knew Drusilla would be, trying to snack on a poor child who had been left there by his mother. _Some people really don't deserve to be parents_.

When she saw them, Drusilla was stood on one side of the climbing frame while the boy was on the other. Her Slayer speed kicked in, and she was stood between them in seconds. "Sorry to interrupt you midnight snack."

"Slayer." Drusilla glared at her with hatred. "You're the one who'll take my boy Spike from me. I can't let you do that."

"Are you really in a position to be threatening me?" asked Buffy. "You're weak. You don't stand a chance."

The little boy behind her gripped her arm. "Who is she?"

"She's the reason your parents shouldn't let you out of the house after dark," Buffy told him. She kept the boy behind her. "Drusilla, because you're weak I'm giving you a choice here; take Spike and get out of Sunnydale." _Because I don't wanna hurt him; not after seeing all he could've done for me_.

Drusilla smirked. "You don't wanna hurt us. But you're afraid that you'll have to."

_Shit, I forgot she can read minds_. "The reason you're not dust right now is because you're defenceless," said Buffy. "I may not want to hurt you right now, but that doesn't mean I _won't_."

Her Slayer senses then picked up another vampire in the area, and she turned to see Spike tearing across the park towards them. He was wearing his game face, and Buffy pushed the boy all the way behind her before holding up her hands in surrender.

"If I had a white flag, I'd be waving it," she said the moment he arrived.

Spike first checked over Drusilla to see if she was hurt, before he turned to face Buffy. His game face was gone. "What's the deal, Slayer?"

"The deal here is that I caught her trying to get herself a midnight snack." Buffy gestured to the boy stood behind her. For a moment she saw a flash of emotion in Spike's eyes when he noticed the boy, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"I meant, why didn't you dust her?" asked Spike.

Buffy sighed. "Because right now she's weak, and I have issues about killing defenceless creatures."

"A bit honourable of you, Slayer," Spike commented.

"You're a warrior, Spike," said Buffy. "So am I. We've both got our hands full right now. What say we call a truce and leave here without a scratch on either of us?"

Spike seemed surprised by her offer, but after glancing back at Drusilla, he nodded. "Alright. But the next time we meet, Slayer, you know what happens." And with that he took Drusilla by the arm and left.

Buffy took the boy's hand in her own and walked in the opposite direction. "Who were they?" he asked.

"Hopefully people you won't have to worry about," said Buffy. "Now, I'm gonna take you down to the station instead of home, because like it or not, your mother shouldn't be leaving you out here alone at night." _Hopefully the cops here aren't as stupid as they were made out to be_.

* * *

"Why did you go out?" Spike demanded. "If that Slayer didn't have her twisted sense of honour, you'd be dust right about now."

"My tummy was rumbling," said Drusilla. "And you were out." She glanced over at her bird cage. "How is my little bird doing? Has she started singing again?"

Spike sighed. "The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead. Just like the last one." When he saw her beginning to pout, he pushed down his annoyance. "I'm sorry, baby. I just don't like you goin' out when you're still weak. Would you like a new bird, one that's not dead?"

Drusilla didn't answer him. Instead she closed her eyes and sighed. "The Slayer wanted us to leave."

"Not surprised. But I won't, not until she's dead and you're all better," said Spike.

"She don't want to hurt you, Spike," said the female vampire. "Something's changed. It's all going wrong."

_This again?_ "I'm pretty certain she wants to hurt me, Dru. She's the Slayer. She's got no reason _not_ to hurt me."

Drusilla just laughed.

* * *

The next morning, Buffy arrived at school just as Jenny was walking away from a stammering Giles, who wore a smile on his face. Buffy hid her own smile; she was certain these two were soul mates, and was determined to make sure that Jenny didn't die. She also hoped that Jenny told Giles who she really was as soon as possible; she had encouraged it after the Angel talk.

She approached Giles, who greeted her with a nod. "How did patrol go last night?"

"I need to talk to you about that." Buffy sighed. "I encountered Spike last night."

Giles halted and stared at her with wide eyes. "Buffy… Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No, we didn't fight. He was… Well, he has this girlfriend. I think she's hurt, or something; she was weak. I caught her trying to snack on a young boy, and I stopped her. Since we both had our hands full, Spike and I called a temporary truce. Do vampires have any sense of honour?"

"Normally I would say no," said Giles. "But I have been reading a lot on Spike, and he is quite an unusual vampire; he challenges everything we know about them, the most intriguing being that he feels human emotions."

"He certain seemed to care about his ho," said Buffy. Giles was about to call her out on her language, but she began talking again before he could. "Spike called her Drusilla. Is that a vampire you're familiar with?"

Giles paused once more. "Yes. I came across her during my research on Spike; the two have been together for well over a century, which is extraordinary in itself. Vampires don't usually have that sort of commitment. Drusilla was Spike's sire, and has connections with Angel in that he's _her_ sire."

Buffy nodded; she knew this already, but it didn't take away the pain. Giles and her friends knew that Angel was gone, and while Xander had celebrated it, Giles had been sympathetic. While he didn't really approve due to Angel's vampire status, he understood that he helped Buffy.

"He never told me that," she said.

"Well, it was believed that Drusilla was killed by a mob in Prague some months ago," said Giles. "The fact that she's alive and here suggests why Spike is here, too."

"Other than killing his first Slayer?"

"Not just for his reputation," said Giles. "Slayer blood could be exactly what he needs to heal Drusilla."

* * *

Buffy saw Ford coming. It was like what she had seen, in that he approached her from behind, but Buffy turned before he could speak. "Ford?" She hugged him. It was nice seeing a familiar face from her old school.

Not so nice knowing the real reason why he was in Sunnydale, and that he would try and hand her over to Spike.

_So not happening_, she told herself. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm finishing up my Senior year at Sunnydale High," he explained. "My dad got transferred."

"So you two know each other?" Xander spoke up.

Buffy turned and saw the jealousy in his eyes. _Never thought I'd be looking forward to him getting with Cordelia. At least then he'd be off my back_. "Guys, this is Ford; Billy Fordham. Ford, this is Willow and Xander." She sat down with Ford next to her. "He went to school with me in LA."

"So you two were sweethearts?" asked Willow.

Buffy tried not to gag; while she wanted to smile like how she had seen herself do, the thought of Ford wanting to become a vampire put her right off. "No. I wanted to, but Ford wouldn't give me the time of day." _God, how could I have moped over this guy for months?_

"I was a manly sixth grader; I couldn't see myself with someone that young," Ford admitted.

"Are you busy tonight?" she asked him. "We're going to the Bronze – it's a local club – and you have to come."

"I'd love to," he said. "But if you guys had plans… I don't want to impose."

"You only will in the literal sense," said Xander through obvious clenched teeth.

As Buffy led him away towards the administrations office, she began to wonder how she could change all that would happen. _He's dying, and a man dying can be dangerous. He'll find a way to become a vampire no matter what. I really have to think this through_.

* * *

When Buffy came home that afternoon, Joyce was waiting for her.

"I received a call today for a man named Brian," she told her daughter. "He works down at the publishing house. Is there anything you need to tell me?"

Buffy bit her lip. "One of my teachers mentioned publishing as a career option, and I wanted to check it out. I didn't tell you first in case it was a bust; I didn't want to get your hopes up. But it went really well. And I'm sorry if giving him your number was out of line…"

"Normally I would tell you not to," said Joyce. "But after talking on the phone with him for hours? I'm so happy you did."

"You like him?" Buffy couldn't hide her smile.

"We hit it off really well," said Joyce. "He's taking me out tomorrow night for dinner and a movie. Or should we see the movie first? Then we'd have something to talk about over dinner. Why don't you help me pick out a dress?"

Buffy followed her mother upstairs, glad that she could make her happy.

* * *

After taking care of the vampire about to bite a girl outside the Bronze, Buffy entered and told off Ford for revealing her "darkest secrets". She then walked over to get herself and her friends some drinks.

What she didn't expect to see was a flash of familiar bleach blonde hair, and with a sigh of annoyance, Buffy followed the figure until he stopped around the corner and out of sight. Spike was smirking when she finally caught up with him.

"We playin' a game of cat and mouse now, Slayer?" he asked.

"Spike, if you're here for a snack, you can forget about it," said Buffy.

His eyebrow rose. "So every time I come to this place, you assume it's because I'm hungry?"

"That seems to be the only reason vamps show up here."

He looked off to the side, and that was when Buffy saw the hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes; like he didn't want to be there with her.

"Look, I'm not one for bein' all chummy-chummy with mortal enemies, but…" He sighed. "I have a slick of gratitude for you not dustin' Dru last night, and it won't go away until I get it out in the open."

Buffy blinked in surprise; it wasn't what she expected him to say at all. But she could see it in his eyes that he wasn't lying. "Are you actually _thanking_ me?"

"No, I'm showin' a slick of gratitude; it's an entirely different thing." He looked over at where her friends were playing pool. "So who's the new boy?"

"A blast from the past." Looking between Ford and the vampire before her, Buffy had an idea – one that went against everything she believed, and she knew Giles would have a cow if he found out.

But she honestly couldn't see any other alternative. And at that moment, Spike didn't really want to fight her, and she was uncertain if she was going to catch him in this mood again.

Spike seemed to see the wheels turning in her head, and gave her a questioning look. "Slayer?"

"OK, this is gonna sound really weird coming from me, but…" She gestured over to Ford. "He doesn't know I know this, and hopefully he won't find out. He's got a brain tumour, and he's dying."

"And I should care _because?_"

"He wants to become a vampire."

Spike laughed. "Oh, lord. A friend of the Slayer wantin' to become the thing she slays. This is rich. He must be one of those folks who call us 'The Lonely Ones'."

"Funny you should say that, because he's got an entire group of them here," Buffy explained. "They think vampires are these harmless, misunderstood creatures of the night, when you and I both know how false that is."

The vampire's head tilted. "Why're you tellin' me this, Slayer?"

"You've got a slick of gratitude you wanna get rid of, and I've got a club-load of teens to deal with," she continued. "You come with me, give them a scare, and they'll be put off vampires for the rest of their lives. That way I don't have to deal with out of control fledglings-"

"Fine, I'll do it."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really?"

"It's the same for me, Slayer," said Spike. "I can't have a number of fledges like them runnin' amok. And the sooner this dumb sense of gratitude's gone, the sooner I can kill you. Now where'd you say they were?"

* * *

After telling her friends she was leaving for the night, Buffy met Spike outside and led him to the club entrance she had been able to find an hour before. She knocked, and a small gap opened.

"We're friends of Ford's."

The guy on the other side nodded and opened the door. Buffy led Spike down the stairs towards another, heavier door; it was still being fitted in, specially made so it could only be opened from the outside. Buffy grabbed the guy fitting it and whacked him against the wall, knocking him out.

Spike looked both confused and impressed. "He's human."

"I don't kill them. Doesn't mean I can't hurt them if I have to." Buffy continued forwards and stood on the balcony overlooking the club. "Alright everyone, pay attention!"

All eyes were on her, and that was when Spike appeared in his game face. He roared.

And everyone fled.

_That went way better than I expected_, Buffy thought.

"What a bunch of wimps," said Spike. He sighed. "I feel much better; like something's been lifted off my chest."

"So let me guess; next time you see me, you'll kill me?" asked Buffy.

"Call that a promise, Slayer."

* * *

But the next time she saw him – the following night – he hadn't shown up to do as he'd promised.

Buffy had hoped the scare would bring Ford back to his senses. He hadn't been at the club when she and Spike had appeared, but if he had talked to anyone else, he would've been told what had happened.

She'd wanted to save her friend. So when Spike came to her the next night with Ford's body over his shoulder, she froze, and it took all her willpower not to cry.

"Wasn't me, before you ask," he told her honestly. "The wanker showed up when I was out; demanded that he wanted to be turned. Dru decided to grant his request." He dumped the body in front of her. "Just this once, Slayer."

"Don't you mean just this third time?" Buffy's eyes never left the body of her friend.

"Whatever." He was gone when she looked up again.

* * *

_Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after_.

Her Watcher's words came back to her when Buffy arrived home later that evening. She had cremated Ford's body; she couldn't deal with staking him.

_I want to make things happier. But if what Giles said is true, will I ever be happy? Will my family and friends? Am I just making things worse?_ She had been unable to save Ford; while it was inevitable that the tumour would've killed him, at least then he would've had a chance to make it to Heaven.

But he had been turned, which meant he was going to Hell.

Buffy jumped when her mother walked through the door, barely a minute after she had arrived. "Oh, Buffy. Have you been waiting up?"

"Yeah," she lied. "How was your date?"

Joyce smiled. "It was wonderful. I think he might be a keeper. We…" She pretended to think. "Uh oh."

"What?"

"I think I left my bra in his car."

"Mother!"

She laughed. "No, I didn't – I left it at a restaurant."

"I'm not listening!" Buffy hurried up the stairs, her ears covered.

Joyce just chased after her, still laughing. "On the desert cart!"

On the inside, Buffy was laughing, too. _OK, so maybe there's a chance to be happy. At least I've made my mum happy_.


	4. Chapter Three: Inner Demons

**AN: A few people pointed out that I used the British spelling for 'Mum' (I'm pretty sure it's just the typical British vs. American spelling instead of two different words). That's because my word processor only recognizes that spelling, and automatically corrects it if I try to use the American spelling. The only way I can stop it from doing that is to change the settings to US English, but then that'll mess up the rest of my writing (I've tried already; it didn't end well). So I'm just going to leave the spelling as it is.**

* * *

"I want to tell my mum about being the Slayer."

Buffy and Giles were walking through the school hallways with Willow and Xander behind them, and at Buffy's words Giles paused and gave her a questioning look. "Buffy, I highly doubt bringing your mother into your world as the Slayer is a good idea."

"But I've been thinking," explained Buffy, "that sometimes it would help if she knows. That way I can stay out later patrolling, and I won't get into trouble as often because she'll know what I'm really doing. Giles, the only reason I didn't get into trouble on parent-teacher night was because Spike decided to crash the party." _Which I need to thank him for, now that I think about it_. "And remember what happened with Darla? What if she decides to let a vamp in one day?"

Giles thought about it. "Yes, I suppose you're right. Perhaps we can meet up at your place one night and inform her, altogether? I can bring Jenny; with two adults present, she'll be more inclined to believe us. Now, about tonight; a medical transporter is delivering a monthly supply of blood."

Buffy's stomach fell; the words sounded familiar, and she realized that two innocent people had already died. _I really need to start looking for the signs earlier_. "Vampire meals on wheels," she said, keeping on topic.

"Hopefully not," said Giles. "We'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry."

Buffy nodded. _I need to remember to bring some, since he's not gonna show up. God, I wish I could tell him_. "I won't be late. Since when have I let you down?"

"Do you want me to answer that, or should I just glare?"

Jenny walked up to them. "Morning, England."

Giles immediately began to stammer. "Oh, hello, Miss, err…err… Jenny." He smiled warmly, and Buffy watching them with a smile of her own.

_She's definitely not dying on my watch. And I'm gonna have to keep her from getting possessed, as well. That really put a damper on their relationship. At least she told him about the whole Angel thing_.

"Feel the passion," said Willow. When Jenny turned to her with a raised eyebrow, the girl fake-coughed. "Coughing, not speaking."

"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Jenny asked Willow.

"What's tomorrow?" asked Xander.

"We're running through some computer basics for a couple of students who're falling behind." She nodded to Willow. "Willow's helping me for extra credit."

Xander laughed. "Those poor slobs who have to come to school on a Saturday."

"Is 9AM OK with you, Xander?"

His smile faded, and Buffy hid a smirk. "You've got a bit of slob on your shoe."

"And Cordelia's gonna meet us there," said Jenny.

"Wow, this is gonna be my best day _ever_."

_Just wait until you start kissing her_, thought Buffy. "If it's just gonna be the gang there, why don't I bring my mum? Then we can talk about the you-know-what with her."

At Jenny's puzzled look, Willow explained further. "Buffy wants to tell her mum about the Slaying."

_I just hope she doesn't freak out_. Buffy pushed back the images of her mother throwing a mug across the kitchen and it smashing on the floor.

* * *

"Don't be late. Sheesh." Buffy looked at her watch, despite knowing that he was going to be late, anyway.

She knew far more important matters were happening with Giles, but… _There's no Angel to show up and help me this time_. She got her crossbow ready when the van pulled up, and she carefully watched the two doctors who appeared from the hospital.

When the delivery van pulled away, Buffy raised her crossbow at one of them before firing. He dusted on the spot, dropping his end of the container. The other turned and growled at her, but he was too late. Buffy leapt and punched him in the face, before driving a stake through his heart.

The car which had been hiding in the shadows shifted into gear and drove away at full speed.

Buffy picked up the container and turned towards the hospital door, but paused when she saw a familiar dark figure leaning against the wall. "So those were _your_ guys, huh?"

Spike smirked. "Nope. My lot don't do such a soppy job of it."

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

"It's delivery day. Hello?" He lit a cigarette. "I knew you'd be here, defendin' the grub."

"So you came here for a fight?" she asked.

"Wrong again," he said. "Just to watch. That's how I killed the other two; I watched them, then when the time was right… You know the rest." He looked around curiously. "All here by your lonesome, are you? I half expected Angel to be here."

Buffy refrained from telling Spike that Angel was gone; she knew that so long as Spike didn't know the elder vampire had skipped town, he wouldn't try his luck._ Rather he's not trying his luck as often as he would_. "Giles was supposed to meet me here. Something must be wrong."

"Must be; those British Watcher types are never late for anything," said Spike. "Hows about I make sure the hospital gets their delivery, while you go check on him?"

"I wasn't born yesterday, Spike," said Buffy. "Now get out of here."

He smirked, but he did as she'd asked and left. Buffy watched him go, thinking about all she had seen of him and how he'd change in the future. _Dru and Harmony complained that he couldn't kill me, no matter how hard he tried. He had plenty of chances, but he never did_.

He'd already had enough chances, each time giving one reason after another why he didn't – some excuses which sounded plausible up front, but they still made Buffy think. _Did it really start this soon with him?_

When she was certain the blood was in the right hands, Buffy headed over to her Watcher's home. Giles answered the door wearily. "Buffy, it's late; are you alright?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," she said, "since you obviously forgot about our little meeting tonight with the vampires at the hospital. I took care of them, but it could've been worse."

His eyes widened. "Oh. Right."

"Giles, what's wrong?" she asked. "Did something happen?" _How can I get him to open up? Things will go a lot smoother if he tells me about this thing_.

"Nothing; nothing's wrong," he assured her. "I'm just in the middle of something extremely important. And I'm afraid I'm going to have to say goodnight, now." He closed the door in her face.

Buffy sighed. _So much for that_.

* * *

"I still don't understand why I have to come. Are you sure you haven't done something wrong?"

"I'm sure, Mum." Buffy and her mother were walking through the school hallways towards the computer room.

Buffy knew it was probably a bad idea to bring her mother into the mess with Giles, as it would be putting her in danger. But she also knew that when it came to her mother, she was a 'see it to believe it' person; she wouldn't believe anything they had to say about her being the Slayer unless she saw something that convinced her.

And a zombie man turning into goo would be convincing enough.

When Buffy and her mother entered the classroom, Xander spoke up, "Did I fall asleep already?"

"Miss Calendar, can I talk to you for a second before Giles gets here?" asked Buffy. The teen gestured for Willow to distract her mother, which her friend did by asking her about how things with Brian were going.

"What is it, Buffy?" asked Jenny, once they'd stepped away.

"It's Giles," she explained in a whisper. "He didn't show up when he was supposed to last night, and when I went over to his place he was acting, well, very anti-Giles. He wouldn't let me in, and he looked really bad. I think he was drinking."

"He was home alone _drinking?_" Jenny questioned.

"And I don't mean tea," said Buffy. Seeing Xander about to open his mouth, she continued quickly, "Have you noticed anything different about him lately, or noticed anything weird?"

"He seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the police," said Cordelia.

Joyce overheard this, and turned to them all. "Police? Buffy, what's going on?"

"I'll explain in a minute." Buffy turned back to the cheerleader. "Why did you wait until now to tell us this?"

"Because I didn't think it was important," she replied.

"What were the police talking to him about?" asked Jenny.

"Um… Something about a homicide."

"Homicide?" Joyce looked horrified. "What kind of school is this?"

"I've been asking myself that same question for years," said Xander.

Buffy didn't waste time; she hurried from the room towards the library. Once she got there she began to creep up the stairs to where she knew Ethan would be lurking. Then, when she reached the right bookcase, she acted before he could; she pushed it on top of the man, and he let out a surprised cry as he was crushed underneath.

After yanking the shelves off of him and finding the man unconscious underneath, Buffy hoisted him up onto her shoulder and carried him out into the main library. She then deposited him onto one of the desks before picking up the phone to ring Giles.

He answered with a tired, "_Hello?_"

"Giles, it's me," she said. Before he could speak, she continued, "I caught this guy named Ethan Rayne. He claims he's a friend of yours, and said something about the Mark of Eyghon."

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "_Buffy, you're in great danger while Ethan's there._"

"Doubt it. I knocked him out cold."

"_Minor relief, but there's still a danger. You need to get out of the library as soon as possible._"

Suddenly the window smashed, and Buffy turned to see the zombie-like man from the memory. She dropped the phone. It went for her, and she kicked it aside before leaping over the counter. The man chased her, but then it noticed Ethan lying unconscious on the desk and went for him instead.

Buffy paused, uncertain what to do. She knew she couldn't let a human life be taken, but she had seen everything Ethan had done; he was evil with no morals, in some ways similar to vampires. He was just as bad as them.

The library doors opened and her friends ran in, along with her mother.

"No, stay back!" she told them.

Joyce screamed at the sight of the zombie, but he didn't pay attention to her. He just grabbed Ethan's neck and began to choke him.

"Buffy, do something!" Willow yelled.

Buffy grudgingly grabbed a sword from Giles's weapons before plunging it through the zombie-man. He collapsed with a cry of pain, pulling Ethan with him to the floor, before turning into goo. The goo touched Ethan, and Buffy knew the demon had possessed the man.

"We need to put him in there." Buffy pointed towards the cage before she grabbed Ethan's hands and began to drag him. Xander went to help.

"What is going on here?!" Joyce demanded.

Buffy locked Ethan in the cage. "I'll explain when Giles gets here. It's…sorta why I brought you here today, Mum."

Cordelia was more forwards. "Vampires are real and Buffy slays them. At least that's the short version."

"But that guy who just turned to goo was obviously _not_ a vampire," said Xander.

Joyce just sat down on a chair, her eyes wide as she took the information in. She was still sat like this when Giles finally arrived.

"Is everyone alright?" he asked.

"A dead guy interrupted our tutorial," said Xander. "I wanted to thank him for that, but then he turned into goo. I suppose I could thank _that_ guy." He gestured to where Ethan was still unconscious and locked up.

Giles walked over and stared at the body of his former friend. "I told him to leave town."

"He looked just as afraid of this thing as you sounded over the phone," said Buffy. "I think he came to you for help."

"Well, he would not have received any from me," he said. "He put people I care about in danger."

"Giles." Buffy gestured to her mother. "She saw what happened, and she's waiting for a full explanation."

Giles shook his head. "There's no time to explain right now. We have more important matters to deal with."

"Yeah, you mind telling us about that?" said Buffy. "You're keeping something from us, Giles, and it's only making things worse; someone will get hurt, and that someone could be Jenny, my mother or even _me_. If you tell us everything, then we can help you."

Suddenly the cage door crashed open, and a possessed Ethan ran out. Xander yanked a screaming Cordelia out of harm's way while Jenny made sure to pull Joyce aside. Ethan leapt at Giles, but Buffy kicked him in the gut and sent him flying. He seemed to realize he couldn't win, so leapt out of the already smashed window.

Buffy knew there was no point giving chase; there was no use wasting time.

"So…he was a vampire?" asked Joyce.

"No, he was an old friend of mine," said Giles. "And I use the term "friend" as loosely as I can."

"And that other man who turned into goo?"

"Zombie, I think," said Buffy.

"So you slay those, too?"

"I mostly slay vampires, but I kill any demons I come across who could potentially be dangerous." She turned to Giles. "Explain. Now. Everything."

"I think that would be best, Rupert," said Jenny.

Giles sighed. "It's private, Buffy."

"But 'private' is gonna get someone killed," said Buffy. "That's the reason I wanted to tell my mum about being the Slayer; so a vampire doesn't kill her, like Darla almost did."

"That girl was a vampire?" Joyce asked. "That explains the mark on my neck. I did think it was odd falling on a fork like that."

"What we don't know can hurt us, Giles," said Buffy. "We're going to help you whether you like it or not, so you might as well tell us what we want to know. Please."

Giles looked at her, and Buffy saw understanding in his eyes. _Finally I'm getting somewhere_.

"Eyghon is a demon who can only exist in this realm by possessing a dead or unconscious host," he explained. "Temporary possession gives the host a unique feel of power. If he possesses the body of someone dead, his power consumes the host and it… Well, you saw what happened. The only way for it to survive is for it to jump into another body."

"So it most likely jumped into Ethan's body when he was unconscious," said Buffy.

Giles nodded. "Most likely."

"But then why do you want to keep that a secret?" asked Willow.

Giles sighed again. "I was…twenty-one. Studying history at Oxford. I was destined to become a Watcher, but…I hated it. The pressure of that destiny was too much, so I dropped out, moved to London and fell in with the worst crowd that would have me. We practised magic – small stuff for pleasure – until Ethan and I discovered Eyghon."

"And your twenty-one year old self thought it would be a bright idea to wake him up," said Xander. Cordelia slapped his arm.

"No, he's right. We were stupid," said Giles. "One of us would go into a deep sleep while the others would summon him. It made us extraordinarily high."

"So it's like doing drugs?" asked Jenny.

Giles nodded. "We were fools. It was only a matter of time before one of us lost control. Eyghon took him whole. We tried to get the demon out, but…it killed him – _we_ killed him. We went our separate ways after, I re-joined the Watchers… We thought we were free of Eyghon. But now he's back, and one by one he's killing us. Ethan will die…and then it'll come for me."

"We won't let it," said Buffy. "There must be a way to destroy this demon somehow…" She pretended to think. "Wait, you said it can possess a dead body. What if it jumps into a vampire?"

"I…" Giles frowned. "I think you might be onto something, Buffy."

* * *

"I think Mum took it surprisingly well."

"She did see all that with her own eyes," said Giles. "And I suppose once she adds everything up, it makes sense."

_Not to mention we had more time to explain it to her_, Buffy thought. She supposed it only went wrong in the memory because it was in the middle of a crisis and she just dropped it on Joyce without more explanation.

Her vampire senses kicked in, and she rose to her feet. So did Giles.

She sighed with annoyance when a familiar blonde vampire stepped out from behind a tree. "Evenin', Slayer. Watcher. You waitin' for me?"

"We were waiting for a vampire. _Any_ vampire, really," said Giles. "I suppose you'll do."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Spike? Really?"

The vampire in question just looked confused. "What's goin' on?"

"Sorry, Spike, but I'm gonna have to use you again," said Buffy. "Actually, I'm not sorry. I just thought it would be polite to apologize."

There was a flash of green light from behind another tree before Ethan stepped out, only he had changed; his face was demonic, and he was growling with his eyes fixed upon Giles.

"What the bloody hell is _that?!_" demanded Spike.

"_That_ is one of the draw backs of living on the Hellmouth," said Buffy. "It also wants to kill me."

It worked. Spike changed to his game face. "Hey, only _I_ can kill the Slayer! Not some other demon wanker!" He leapt at Ethan in rage, and the two fought it out.

The demon inside Ethan was no match for him, so jumped into the nearest dead body; Spike's. The vampire stumbled, his face changing from his usual one to Eyghon's, before there was a sudden flash and he was back to his normal self. Eyghon was no more.

"Thanks for the favour, Spike," said Buffy.

"That was not a bloody favour! You did that on purpose, Slayer!"

Buffy ignored him as she walked over to Ethan, who was coming around. She picked him up by the shirt. "Before you skip town, I just have one question. That costume you sold me on Halloween; where did you get it?"

He looked genuinely confused. "I don't know! I think it was on the black market. I didn't really look into it."

_Damn. I was hoping he knew_. Buffy tossed him to the ground before she walked away with Giles. Both conveniently forgot that they'd left the weakened Ethan with a hungry and pissed off master vampire.


	5. Chapter Four: Principal of the Point

_Why do they ever bother coming to the school? They know I'm here_. Buffy dusted the last of the three vampires before he senses picked up a fourth.

She turned when she heard a slow clapping, but she already knew who it was. "You know, every time we meet like this, I expect it to end with one of us dead – _you_. So why hasn't it?"

Spike shrugged. "I get bored easily, Slayer. If I find something entertainin', I let it stick around long enough until I find something else."

"So that's all I am to you?" she asked. "Entertainment?"

The vampire ignored her; he was absentmindedly staring at the newly decorated hallways and the tables which had been set out. "So what's goin' on here, then?"

"Career week," said Buffy. "Not for me, though. I'm stuck as the Slayer." She didn't tell him about her new goal to work in publishing. "Why am I even telling you this?"

"'Cause I asked," he said, grinning. "And believe me, Slayer; you won't be on this Earth for much longer, so gettin' a job isn't something you need to worry about."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" he said back. "Well, I'll send you a post card from my awesome new job when I get it. No, wait; you'll be ashes by then, and I'm pretty sure they don't deliver to Hell."

She felt a little bad about saying it, knowing that Spike would die burning up in the Hellmouth, sacrificing himself to save them all…

Thankfully Spike just took it with good humour; he smirked. "You're a feisty one, Slayer. I like it. Keep that up, and you'll last for a lot longer than I was plannin'. A couple of weeks, maybe."

Buffy was about to say something more, when someone turned the corner and noticed the pair – and unfortunately, it was the last person Buffy wanted to see.

"Well, isn't this an interesting development," said Principal Snyder, looking between the two. "I had a feeling you had something to do with the attack on parent-teacher night, Summers. And here I catch you conspiring with the one responsible. Are you planning on crashing Career week as well?"

"He's hardly my friend," said Buffy, sending Spike a glare.

"She's right; we're not friends." Spike looked the man up and down. "Although she could've told me there was a troll in charge of the school."

Buffy bit down hard on her lip, trying not to laugh. As much as she hated Spike, sometimes his little quips were hilarious, especially when they were aimed at those who deserved it.

Snyder looked slightly irritated, but kept his attention on Buffy. "It's your word against mine, Summers. And I say you met here late at night with a wanted suspect, planning on carrying out an act of vandalism against the school. Which then also makes you a suspect of knowing about the last attack; after all, you did know exactly what to do in that situation."

"Wait, so you're just gonna kick her out 'cause you want to?" asked Spike. Buffy was surprised to see that the vampire didn't look happy; in fact, he looked downright pissed off. "That ain't fair play, mate. The bint was just doin' her job."

"What job?"

That was when something inside Buffy snapped; she couldn't take it anymore. "You know what, Principal Snyder? I'm done with this. I'm sick and tired of you picking on me all the time. Why me? There're other students in this school who have done far worse things than I have in their time here, and yet you selected me at random and decided I'm gonna be your victim; the one you pushed around all the time."

"You burned down the gym at your last school," he said simply.

Spike burst out laughing. "Christ, I wish I could've been there! That sounded fun!"

Buffy glared at him before turning back to Snyder. "But I think I know why you're picking on me. It's because you know exactly who I am, and you probably have a pretty good idea of what he is, too." The smile on the Principal's face faded. "It wasn't that hard to figure out; you and the police covered up the attack pretty well. All the higher ups in Sunnydale probably know what's going on. Which means you should know that right now, I'm the only thing standing in the way of everyone in this school getting killed. But you don't seem to care about the students here, do you? You don't seem to care about anything other than your pay check. And any frustration you feel from your job you decide to take out on me, just to add up the stress of my life; you're probably hoping that one day I'd snap so you can expel me faster than a click of your fingers. Well, I'm done – you're not gonna be treating me like crap anymore. Do you want to be the Principal of this school? Then start to _fucking_ act like one."

There was a moment of silence. Snyder was looking at her in shock, and even Spike was at a loss for words.

But then the Principal smirked. "You swore twice, and you talked back to a teacher. It's enough for me. You're expelled."

There was a flash of movement – so fast that Buffy didn't register that it was Spike until the vampire held Snyder by the throat.

"You mind sayin' that again, mate?" he threatened, shifting into his game face.

"Spike…" Buffy didn't know what to do. Snyder had just expelled her and she hated him, but it was also her duty to protect people…

Snyder could barely speak. "But you…hate…her…"

"Yeah, I do," Spike admitted with a shrug. "But there're a few things I hate more than the Slayer. Her wanker of a boyfriend, for starters. The wanker's sire, although word is she's dust. But there's one other thing."

"Spike." Buffy stepped forward with her stake ready.

The vampire turned to her, and Buffy could see that he'd gone deadly serious. "Bullies. I don't like people who take twisted pleasure in makin' the lives of others miserable, with the simple reason of thinkin' it's fun. But I especially hate it when it's human bullies; they have souls, meanin' they should know better. Yeah, I hate the Slayer…but I hate you more for makin' her life ten times worse than it already is."

And with that he sunk his teeth into Snyder's neck, sucking out the blood faster than Buffy thought possible.

Buffy couldn't move. She couldn't even raise her stake. All she could do was watch as the thing she should hate drained the life out of the man whom she _did_ hate. Spike had done it because Snyder had been bullying her.

And it was that what made her run.

* * *

Buffy was glad that no one had seen her at the school that night. She couldn't talk to the cops about what had happened.

Although she did talk to the gang when they were sat down in the library. They had come together since it was obvious that Snyder had been killed by a vampire, and since Giles knew Buffy was patrolling around the school the previous night…

Even Cordelia was there – but only because she wanted to share her joy.

"I mean, can you think of a better way for him to go?" she was saying. "He's always picking on Buffy, saying she should get kicked out even when she's protecting us all from the vampires. And then one kills him."

"I hate vampires as much as the next guy, but I really wanna find this one and give him a medal," said Xander.

Buffy sighed. She knew she couldn't keep quiet about it forever. "It was Spike."

Everyone stared at her, knowing what that meant. "Buffy, you saw what happened?" asked Giles. "I mean, I know you were around here last night, but I didn't think you would have…"

"I saw it," she said. "I could've stopped it…but I didn't. For some reason, I froze up. I ran."

"And we don't blame you for it, Buffy," said Xander. "I mean, I know he's human and he's dead, but I doubt you'd find a single person here who cares."

"I only care that he was a man and he was killed," said Willow. "I just care a little less because it was Snyder."

Jenny placed a comforting hand upon Buffy's. "So what happened?"

Buffy sighed again. "I ran into Spike in the hallway. I'd just dusted three of his vamps, and he was… Well, he was watching. He said I was entertaining, and it was the only reason he hadn't killed me yet. That's when Snyder showed up; he accused me of conspiring with Spike."

"Seriously?" asked Xander.

"He recognized him from parent-teacher night and thought we we're gonna crash Career week," said Buffy. "He said it didn't matter that I wasn't; it was my word against his. That's when something in me snapped. In short, I told him I was sick and tired of him picking on me, and that it needed to stop. He expelled me on the spot."

Buffy saw anger behind Giles's eyes. "He expelled you simply because you stood up to him?!"

"Spike's reaction was the same."

Everyone stared in shock. "He… What?" stammered Giles.

"The moment Snyder expelled me, Spike leapt at him," Buffy continued. "He…he said that while he hates me, he hated Snyder more because…he was a bully. Spike hates bullies. And for some reason, he didn't like seeing Snyder treat me that way. He drained him on the spot."

Giles didn't know what to say. "And you froze up?"

Buffy wordlessly nodded.

"OK, feeling less sorry for him now because, well, Karma," said Willow.

"As much of an ass he was, Snyder was still an innocent and he died on my watch," said Buffy.

"It happens," said Giles. "You won't be able to save everyone, Buffy. These things happen."

_But I'm gonna save who I can_, thought Buffy.

"You'd think they'd cancel Career week for this, but no." Xander sighed. "Vice principal's in charge until we get a new top man."

"I would suggest we carry on as normal," said Giles. "I'm assuming the four of you have questionnaires you need to fill out?"

After they left, they picked up said questionnaires and sat down with them.

"Are you a people person, or do you like to keep your own company?" Xander read out on of the questions. "What if you're a people person who occasionally likes to keep his own company? I mean, they're no boxes for none of the above."

"I'm sensing bitterness," said Willow.

"No, it's just that these people can't tell from one multiple choice test what we're going to be doing for the rest of our lives," said Xander. "It's ridiculous!"

"I'm curious to find out what sort of career I could have," said Willow. "I mean, we're not gonna be young forever."

"But we'll always be stupid," said Xander.

"And I've already figured out what I'm gonna do," said Buffy.

"Yeah, you mentioned that," said Xander. "Part time Slayer, part time publisher. You, um…don't suppose Brian can get me a job there if all my other options fall flat?"

"You mean you _have_ other options?" Cordelia questioned.

Xander just mockingly sneered before snatching her test away. "You checked the box that says you aspire to help your fellow man. Either you don't get the point of this test, or we've been launched into some other alternate reality where you're actually _nice_ to people."

"I _do_ aspire to help people," Cordelia insisted, snatching the test back. "So long as they're not smelly, poor or something gross."

"Cordelia Chase; always ready to lend a hand to the rich and pretty," Xander commented.

"Which, lucky me, excludes _you_," she shot back. "Twice."

"Is murder always a crime, or are there some exceptions?"

"If there was, you would've been _dead_ years ago."

Buffy couldn't resist piping up, "God, you guys sound like an old married couple. Why don't you just kiss already?"

The expressions on their faces were worth all the money in the world. Buffy decided to walk away with a hidden smile while Xander and Cordelia stammered over excuses – how they would rather _die_ than kiss each other – while Willow just stared in shock.

With some time alone, Buffy thought about what would happen. With Angel gone, there was no chance of Spike healing Drusilla, unless he planned on going cross-country in order to track the elder vampire down.

She wondered whether he'd send the three assassins after her. Unlike what she had seen in the memory, she hadn't really been a thorn in Spike's side; he had stolen the book with minimum fuss – she blamed that slip up on herself, since she'd been too busy grieving over Ford – and whenever they'd met, they hadn't fought.

Compared to what she had seen, she and Spike almost seemed…_friendly_ with each other. She shook her head; no, friendly was too strong a term. Spike thought of her as entertainment, using that as an excuse as to why he hadn't killed her yet. She supposed he could send the assassins after what had happened with Eyghon, but…

After the night before, she really wasn't sure. _Now that I think about it, he only sent the assassins because I caught one of his minions stealing that cross thing. And since that won't lead to anything with Angel gone, I can stay away. But I'll still have to keep an eye out for Kendra_.

* * *

"Spike, come dance with me?"

At wits end, Spike snapped, "Can't you see I'm working?!" When Dru began to pout like she always did – always looking like she was going to cry like a child – Spike hurried over to her. "I'm sorry, kitten. But this text is supposed to hold your cure, and it's infuriatin'! Even Dalton – the big brain – can't make heads or tails of it."

Drusilla turned away. "I need to change Miss Edith." She doubled over, weakened.

Spike instantly hurried to help her up. He knew it wouldn't be long before she was lost to him; any longer, and she'd be dust. "I can't stand to see you like this, Dru. You know that." He eased her down onto the chair. "We're runnin' out of time."

"You'll make it right, my boy," she said. "I know you will. All you have to do…is kill the Slayer."

Spike knew she was right. He'd been holding off killing her because she was entertaining – not to mention he still hadn't figured out why she had hesitated back on Halloween. But the blood of a Slayer was miracle elixir. If anything could cure Drusilla, the Slayer's blood could.

"Sir?" Spike looked over at Dalton, who was pointing at the book. "It looks like Latin, but it's not. I'm not even sure it's a language."

The master vampire strode over to him. "Then _make_ it a language! Isn't that what a transcribe _does_?" He grabbed Dalton by his shirt and hoisted him up. _If this nitwit makes me kill the Slayer before I have to… Why am I even delaying with that bint? She should've been dead weeks ago_.

Before he could think up excuses like he always did at that point, Drusilla spoke up. "He can't help you. Not without…the Key."

"The Key?" Spike questioned. "You mean this book is in some kind of code?"

"Yeah."

Spike dropped Dalton and walked over to where Drusilla was pointing at the cards on the table. Specifically, she was pointing to a card with a picture of a crypt on it. _I think I know that place_. "Is that where we'll find this Key? I'll send the boys pronto!"

Drusilla smiled. "Now will you dance?"

Spike gathered Drusilla up into his arms and spun her around. "We'll dance, my pet – on the Slayer's grave." _And as soon as Dru's healed, the Slayer's gonna get it. I'll have myself that one good day_.

* * *

Buffy avoided the cemetery where the large crypt was, and instead patrolled through some of the others. She dusted a couple of vampires before heading home later than she would usually; her mother knowing about the Slaying certainly made things easier.

The time alone helped her think about what had happened to Principal Snyder, and what the repercussions would be. Would the next Principal be worse? She couldn't even begin to think about it. If what she had seen was true – and everything that had happened so far proved that it was – Snyder had been working for the Mayor. His expression had confirmed it when she'd told him her suspicions.

Which meant the Mayor could easily plant a Principal in the school even worse than Snyder. And unless Spike was willing to eat the next one – _God, why am I even thinking that?_ – she'd be stuck with whoever it was for the rest of high school.

_That Wood guy from season seven was OK. But he could still be pretty young at this point – not to mention his history with Spike_. Buffy knew that wouldn't end well.

When she got home that night, she half expected Angel to be there like he had been in the memory. But her bedroom was empty, and she sighed. _I guess he still needs to stay away_.

She went to sleep that night wondering if she'd done enough to keep the assassins away.


	6. Chapter Five: There is Another

The next morning, Buffy and her friends crowded around the list which had been posted.

Cordelia had beaten them to it, and was the first to find her name. "Oh, here I am. Personal shopper or motivational speaker. Go me!"

"Motivational speaker," Xander mused. "On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you? You don't exactly scream 'motivation' when you speak."

Cordelia ignored him as she searched for Xander's name. "Oh. What about you? You're…" She walked away laughing.

"What?" Xander searched for his name, only to look annoyed when he found it. He turned to Buffy and Willow. "Wouldn't you two say you know me about as well as anyone else, maybe even better than I know myself? So when you look at me, do you think 'prison guard'?"

Buffy couldn't help but laugh. She knew that wasn't true; Xander ended up with a pretty decent career once he got going. "I thought you'd be a carpenter, or something. Working in construction."

"And I'd agree, because that's pretty manly," said Xander, thinking. "You know, I think I might aim for something like that."

_That's my life-changing meddling point for the day_. Buffy looked at the list and smiled; she'd been able to answer the right questions. "Well, it says here I should go into writing and publishing. So I'm on the right track."

"What about me?" asked Willow, looking for her name. But she wasn't on the list. "Did I fail, or something? I handed in my test, and I even used a number two pencil!"

"I think it's more of a point that you passed instead of failed," said Xander.

"But it shouldn't have been a pass or fail test," said Willow.

Knowing what it was about, Buffy assured, "Maybe your name's not on the list because you were selected for some special program? Gifted kids don't tend to be put on boards like that."

"Yes, for fear of contaminating you by being close to us mortals," Xander teased.

Willow shrugged. "That could be a possibility. But knowing my luck, it won't be."

Buffy then spotted Giles carrying a huge pile of books, so after saying a quick goodbye to her friends, she hurried after him. "Mind if I take some?"

Giles smiled with gratitude as Buffy took off the top half. They made their way to the library where they placed the books on the table. "Thank you, Buffy. I've been indexing the Watcher diaries over the last couple of centuries. You'll be amazed how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were." Buffy refrained from commenting. "I trust last night's patrol was fruitful?"

"Fruitful as in there being vamps to slay? Yeah, there were a couple. Nothing exciting, though." Buffy knew she should warn Giles about what Spike was up to, but since she didn't see it actually happen… She didn't want him to start asking questions. He was happy with Jenny, and she didn't want to tell him about what would've happened had she not sent Angel away.

* * *

When Spike entered the bedroom with the supposed 'Key' on a pillow, he didn't expect to find his Dark Princess in the middle of what appeared to be a nightmare. She was tossing and turning, muttering, "No…no…" over and over; he realized she was having one of her more violent visions.

"Dru!" Spike half-handed, half-tossed the pillow to Dalton before hurrying over to his love. He pulled himself onto the bed and took her into his arms, cradling her as he attempted to sooth her. "Baby, c'mon. It's alright. Wake up."

The female vampire's eyes opened. For a moment it looked as though she was going to cry, but then she calmed and looked almost distant. "The stars have shown me."

"Shown you?" Spike questioned her. "Shown you what?"

"Shown me what the Slayer has seen," said Drusilla.

_This bollox again_. "Why do you keep goin' on 'bout this, Dru? What has the Slayer seen, and why are you so worried 'bout it?"

"I did not see clearly before," said Drusilla. "I was only told parts. But now I see the truth; the stars told me what I must do. I don't like it…but I'll do it."

Spike frowned. "Do what?"

Drusilla only ignored his question as she gestured towards the Key. "Bring it here."

The younger vampire took it from Dalton before presenting it to her. "Is this it?"

The female vampire closed her eyes as she passed her hand over it. "It hums. I can hear it."

"Once you're well again, we'll have a coronation down Main Street," Spike promised, trying to forget what she'd said before. "We'll invite everyone, and drink for seven days and seven nights – and the Slayer will be buried six feet under."

But then Drusilla shook her head. "No…you mustn't kill her, Spike. You must bring her to me. That's what the stars said to do."

_Did she just…?_ Spike rolled his eyes. "First you were desperate for me to kill her, sayin' she had to die, and now you're tellin' me _not_ to kill her? Make up your bloody mind, woman!" Drusilla pouted, and like the hundreds of times before, Spike's anger vanished. "I'm sorry, kitten. Just…just tell me where she'll be, and I'll bring her back."

Drusilla smiled as she closed her eyes. "She'll be dancing…on a lake made of ice."

* * *

Buffy wasn't sure what compelled her to go to the ice rink. Perhaps the memory of her skating again gave her the push? It didn't matter; she was enjoying herself.

Her senses were on alert should an assassin show up – but instead her senses picked up on a vampire watching her. She at first thought it was Angel, until she saw the shadowy figure and recognized his bleach blonde hair.

Smirking to herself, Buffy decided to give him a show. While she had barely made it past the basics in ice skating, she figured it would be easy to add a couple of her Slayer moves to the equation to make something impressive. She did a couple of jumps to practise before spinning, twirling and doing the things she'd only dreamed of doing.

_I guess if publishing falls flat, I could do this again_, she thought.

She pulled up alongside Spike and noticed that his eyes were a little wide. He was impressed. "Like what you see?"

That seemed to bring him back down to Earth, and he blinked. "Well, you have the skills. But I'm not here to admire you tonight."

"Let me guess; you're here to kill me?" she asked. "That took some time. I'm finally boring, am I? Shame. I was planning of juggling for you next week."

"Watch it." He pointed a threatening finger at her. "And for your information no, I'm not here to kill you. For some daft reason, Dru wants me to bring you to her. Not sure why; says the stars ask for it, or some shit. She's seen whatever you've seen. Do you know what she means by that?"

Buffy tried not to let it show that yes, she knew what Drusilla meant. _She's seen everything. I guess she only had glimpses before, but now she's seen. But why would she want me alive? _"So you're here to bring her to me. Yeah, if you think I'm gonna come quietly into your weird vampire love house, you've got another thing coming."

Spike was about to snap back at her just as snarkily, when suddenly he was whacked from behind, grabbed, and thrown across the room.

Kendra was there. She gave Buffy what appeared to be a reassuring look before she turned, took out a stake, and stalked towards Spike.

"Bloody hell! She's a Slayer!" Spike leapt to his feet. "They're can't be two! _You're_ the Slayer!"

Kendra blinked in surprise and turned to Buffy with a look of confusion. It was enough of a distraction, and Spike kicked out at her.

"Spike!" Buffy leapt into the fray and punched him. "No hitting the Slayer who shouldn't be here!"

"So you don't know her?" Spike ducked to avoid her swings.

"She must've been called when I temporarily died that time." Buffy grabbed him and threw him away from her.

Thankfully he wasn't stupid enough to take on two Slayers so hurried away, muttering, "Two Slayers wasn't in the brochure," under his breath.

Buffy turned to Kendra. "So who are you?"

"I am Kendra," she replied. "And who are you?"

"Buffy. Come on; we'll go to my Watcher and get this figured out."

"What about the vampire?" She gesture to where Spike had disappeared.

Buffy sighed. "He'll be back. He has a thing with Slayers; he won't be able to resist two."

* * *

"Another bloody Slayer!" Spike kicked against the table, not hard enough to send it tumbling over but hard enough for it to stumble violently.

_Just my bloody luck; another Slayer to deal with_. He got that this other Slayer had been called when Buffy temporarily died – which he learnt from a minion had been at the hands of the Master. What annoyed him was that this other Slayer had shown up at the worst possible time.

He hadn't been fighting her for very long, but his analysis had been quick and precise. This new Slayer appeared to be more dedicated to the cause than Buffy; more focussed, more business. She reminded him of the Slayer in China, while Buffy was more like the one he'd killed in New York.

_Two vastly different Slayers workin' on the same team_. While the idea of killing two more Slayers was appealing to him, he knew how stupid it was. He would have to face them one at a time; get them alone, one by one.

He found his thoughts drifting to Buffy; she was the more interesting of the two, and the one he looked forwards to fighting the most. _Save the best 'til last_.

Dalton approached him hesitantly. "Sir? I've translated the text."

Spike smirked. "Really? So what is it we need?"

"It's quite simple," Dalton explained. "Drusilla needs the blood of her sire. The only problem is I asked the rest of the boys, and they said Angelus hasn't been seen anywhere in weeks."

* * *

"And your Watcher is Sam Zabuto, you say?"

Kendra nodded. "Yes, sir."

"We've never met, but he's very well respected," said Giles. "And what did you say your name was?"

"And he means your actual name, not your title," Buffy supplied helpfully. She didn't want to look like a bitch in front of Kendra, like she had looked in the memory. _Was I really that pissed off? _

Kendra nodded. "They call me Kendra. My last name is 'Young', but I do not use it."

"There is obviously some sort of misunderstanding here," said Giles.

"I don't think it's really a misunderstanding," said Buffy. "I died for a couple of minutes, Kendra was called, but then I came back to life."

Willow then entered with a cheerful, "Hey! I'm ready for studying!"

Seeing Kendra about to move, Buffy grabbed her shoulder. "This is my friend, Willow. And before you ask, yes, I have friends. I know I'm not supposed to have them, but it happened. They found out about the Slaying, and they help me."

"But the Slayer must work in secret for security," said Kendra. She turned to Giles. "You allow this, sir?"

"Buffy is a California girl; it's very hard to keep her from having a social life," said Giles.

"And here in the states, a girl like me being alone all the time tends to stick out like a sore thumb," Buffy explained. "So really, having a social life keeps me hidden."

"I think the reason here is that Buffy wasn't found and prepared like the other Slayers; she sort of slipped under the radar," said Giles.

Willow looked between them all, confused. "Guys, what's going on?"

"Remember when I died? Apparently Kendra here was called, and now there's two Slayers," said Buffy.

"So what's she doing here?" asked Willow.

"I was sent here for a reason," said Kendra. "Mr. Zabuto said all the signs indicate that a very dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale."

"That would explain why Spike came after me," Buffy mused.

Giles sat up. "Spike tried to kill you?"

"Strangely enough, no. He wanted to bring me to Drusilla alive for some weird reason not even _he_ understands. Maybe that means she's the rising dark power," said Buffy.

"Spike and Drusilla?" Kendra questioned. "I've read about them. Spike is a Slayer of Slayers, and very dangerous. And Drusilla is just as deadly. How come you have not killed them yet?"

"Well, Spike never really wanted to fight me, for various different reasons," Buffy pointed out. "And he kept his ho of a girlfriend locked up somewhere."

"All we have to do is find them before Spike is able to cure Drusilla," said Giles. "But where to look?"

Kendra spoke up, "When I got here, I was following a fledgling trail. It led to an old factory. I would have gone inside, but then I saw Spike leave and followed him. That led me to the ice rink."

The library doors suddenly burst open, and Kendra fell into defence. But Buffy grabbed her wrists and held them down, since it was only Xander and Cordelia; they looked out of breath.

"We've just had the most exciting night of our lives, and we mean that in the most sarcastic sense possible," said Xander.

"Good lord, what happened?" asked Giles.

"Some stupid vampires cornered us," said Cordelia. "They were asking where Angel was; we kept telling them he skipped town, but they didn't believe us. We've been hiding in the basement for the past half hour."

Buffy noticed that the pair were struggling to look at each other, and hid a smirk.

"Angel?" asked Kendra. "You mean Angelus? He's the worst vampire in history."

"He also has a soul now; he's fighting for the home team," said Buffy. "But he's not here at the moment. It's a long story."

"But why would these vampires be asking where Angel is?" asked Willow. "They know better than to chase after him."

"Unless Spike needs him," said Buffy. "Think about it; Angel was Drusilla's sire. She's the one being cured here."

Giles nodded. "It's possible that whatever the ritual, Angel could be needed. But with Angel gone the ritual cannot be performed. This is a good advantage for us to have. So you said Spike is at the factory, Kendra?"

"I believe so, sir." She nodded politely.

Both Xander and Cordelia gave the other Slayer confused looks. "Who's this?" asked the former.

Kendra averted her gaze away from the boy while Buffy answered. "Another Slayer. She was called when I died. Giles can tell you all about it while we go stop Spike."

* * *

"We couldn't find him, boss."

Spike gritted his teeth in frustration and refrained from kicking anything. "What do you mean 'you couldn't find him'?"

"We cornered some of the Slayer's friends," said another minion. "They said he'd skipped town, but what if they weren't telling the truth? They kept insisting on it, though."

_Angel, skipped town?_ It would be just his luck, but with how smitten the poofter was with the Slayer, Spike doubted it. _He wouldn't leave her here alone, the possessive git. She really don't know what she's got herself into. Not that I care about who she shags; she could just do better_.

"Spike." Drusilla sat up in bed. "Where's the Slayer? You said you would bring me the Slayer."

Spike resisted the urge to roll his eyes and snap at her. "I couldn't get her. This other Slayer showed up, and I had to retreat. But that's not the main problem right now. Do _you_ know where Angel is?"

He eyes closed. "Those friends of the Slayer were right. He's not here. He's somewhere else; far away. He won't ever get here in time."

Spike yelled in anger before he finally let himself kick something.

* * *

It didn't take long for Buffy and Kendra to find the factory. There were vampires guarding the building outside, which the two girls disposed of quickly.

"We'll take out the other vamps first, and then we'll face Spike together," said Buffy. "Don't underestimate him; remember he specializes in killing Slayers."

"What about Drusilla?" asked Kendra.

"She's weak; she won't put up much of a fight." While Buffy felt a little guilty about killing the defenceless vampire, she knew it was best to kill her. She'd seen what this vampire could do – which included killing the Slayer beside her.

They charged in, stakes ready, and were met with a good number of vamps. Buffy noticed the intellectual vampire from before fleeing the scene, but let him be; she knew he wasn't very dangerous.

Spike appeared when Buffy had dusted her last vamp, and he growled as he changed into his game face. "Well, it turns out I was able to get you here, after all. Drusilla will be so pleased."

"I'm not here for whatever plan you guys have." Buffy knew Kendra was almost done with the vampires she was fighting, and would join her soon. So she attacked Spike in order to keep him busy.

"Heard your boyfriend skipped town," Spike taunted her. "Trouble in paradise?"

"That's none of your business!" Buffy kept her cool. It had become easier to not get distracted by thoughts of Angel while fighting. She thought it was a good thing – at first. It made her realize that her feelings for him weren't as strong as she first thought.

Buffy watched out of the corner of her eye as Kendra dusted her last vampire, but she didn't go to Buffy's aid – instead she hurried into the back room. She was going after Drusilla.

Spike noticed, too. "No!" He gave Buffy a hit which she didn't see coming; it was fuelled with emotion, raw and strong, and with her down Spike took off after Kendra. Buffy gave chase.

The vampire reached the bedroom first. He was able to get there in time to find Kendra on the bed, holding her stake ready above the weak vampire. Spike grabbed her and threw her against one of the walls. Kendra landed with a loud crash, and while she wasn't knocked unconscious, she was momentarily thrown off her game.

Buffy placed herself in front of her, preventing Spike from harming her. _I won't let anyone else die_. "You wanna dance, Spike?"

For a moment Spike looked confused at her choice of words, but then that look was replaced by one of anger. "You're Slayer pal tried to kill Dru – so you're both gonna die."

The Slayer barely had time to react before Spike was upon her in a fury she'd never seen in a vampire. His hits were twice as hard, twice as fast, and Buffy found that she was unable to keep up with him. It wasn't long before Spike had her on the floor; he was sat on top of her, hands around her neck, in the exact same position he'd been in with his second Slayer. Buffy thought it was the end.

But then suddenly Drusilla was crouched beside them. "Don't kill her, Spike. I have to show you something."

Spike looked just as confused as Buffy felt. "What?"

Wordlessly, Drusilla placed a hand on Buffy's forehead, and the Slayer felt a sudden connection. _Like a mind-meld. _She felt Drusilla search through her memories until the vampire came across the ones she wanted.

Buffy realized what she was going to do – but she didn't understand why. "No…"

"He has to see." Drusilla then turned to Spike. "The stars told me you were meant for more than this. I have to let you go, my Dark Prince. But before I do, I have to show you what the stars mean. The Slayer has seen…and now you must see, too."

She placed another finger on his forehead, and while Buffy didn't feel much, she saw that Spike was feeling – a lot.

His eyes had gone wide, and he was gasping as the memories were copied into his brain. Drusilla was making him see everything, and part of Buffy wanted her to stop; despite who Spike was, she didn't want to put the burden of knowing all that was to come onto him. It was just too much.

But then she noticed something else – Drusilla was growing weaker and weaker.

Buffy felt the connection slipping, and realized she was using all her remaining energy to do this. The Slayer didn't know what to say to that at all. _OK, so she wasn't as evil as Angelus or Darla, but she was close to it. I guess there was one last bit of innocence left in her_.

Then the connection was suddenly broken, and it took a moment for Buffy to realize that Drusilla had turned to dust. The act had taken too much of her remaining strength.

When Spike realized it too he collapsed to the floor, taking in deep breaths. Of course, he didn't need to breathe, but Buffy supposed it was from the shock – of seeing the memories, of Drusilla turning to dust, or both.

Buffy rose to her feet. She turned and saw that Kendra was finally pulling herself up as well, before turning back to Spike. She wanted to say something; she wanted to make sure he was OK. But she knew that if she tried, he wouldn't accept it. He wouldn't accept anything from her, and she couldn't blame him.

In a way, it was her fault that Drusilla was dead. It was also her fault that Spike had been given the memories she had seen, or at least some of them. For all she knew, Drusilla may not have been able to show him all of them.

Kendra stepped forwards. "We should kill him."

Buffy didn't even have to think about her answer. "No. We'll leave him. I don't think I could kill him when he looks like that. We should just go."

Surprisingly, Kendra didn't argue. She just turned and walked out of the room. Buffy followed, but not before giving Spike one last look of apology. She wondered if she would ever see him again – and wasn't as confused as she should've been when she realized that thought filled her with sadness.


	7. Chapter Six: Middle Aged Robot

Spike couldn't call the day of his turning the worst day of his life. Sure, he had been mocked by the other gentlemen and Cecily had turned him down – not to mention he'd _died_ – but on the other hand he'd met his Dark Princess and had become a vampire.

The worst day of his life was the day he tried to turn his mother. It would always be his worst.

But the day of Drusilla's death would always come in a close second, and while the death itself was a huge part of it, there was also the added weight of suddenly knowing everything that would happen in the rest of his unlife.

Losing Drusilla was torment. He didn't want to be alone with no one to care for. That was all he asked for; someone to care for. At night he cried for her, begging that she would forgive him for not saving her in time, and cursing Angel's name for all he had done to her. The vampire found himself drinking heavily in an attempt to forget the pain and the suffering.

And yet, he couldn't shake the images he had seen in the short time Drusilla had connected him to the Slayer.

He finally understood what Drusilla had been talking about; Buffy had seen everything that would happen to them, and while he didn't know how he at least suspected it had something to do with Halloween. It would explain the Slayer's strange behaviour.

It was what he had seen, though, which had him most disturbed. He had only seen some bits; pieces were missing, which he supposed was a result of Drusilla's weakened state and the fact that she had been unable to finish before she died. But what he had seen was still enough to leave a mark, and force him to question his very existence.

Drusilla had dumped him, which hadn't come as much as a shock as it should have. She had constantly slept with Angelus during the twenty years the Whirlwind had been together, not to mention there was that incident with The Immortal. But those were just the main two; there had been other brief flings as well whenever Spike had been away, be it being captured on a Nazi submarine or locked up for tax fraud (he still questioned how that had even happened).

The knowledge that he would get some weird chip shoved into his head helped with the thoughts that he should just leave Sunnydale; the thought of becoming incapable of killing or even hurting humans sickened him. And he wanted to leave Sunnydale, for there was nothing left for him in the town. There was the Slayer…

But that was the main problem.

The Spike he had seen in the images had, for some reason, fallen in love with the Slayer.

Spike would be lying if he said he didn't find her attractive. But he supposed he'd found all Slayers attractive; it was the danger they radiated, the thrill he had from fighting them. That was what he was attracted to.

But flat out _fallen in love_ with one? And not just any Slayer, but _Buffy_?

To the extent that he was willing to stake _Drusilla?_

And that he was willing to get a _soul_ for her?

He hated to admit it, but the thought terrified him. Flat out. He wanted to scoff at the idea and push it into the pile of 'never gonna happen', but the more he thought about it – the more he thought about killing the bint, or even leaving her behind – he would always feel guilty.

For he had seen everything else, not just himself and Buffy. He had seen everything else that would happen, and how the lives of Buffy and her friends would be torn apart.

He knew it shouldn't bother him. But for some reason, it did. Maybe it was because Drusilla had shown it to him? Remembering her last day of existence, he realized that she had, in her own way, accepted what was going to happen. She had used up all her remaining strength to show Spike everything the Slayer had seen, and he knew she wouldn't have done that without a purpose.

Maybe she believed this was his destiny? Spike sickened at the thought of becoming a white hat like the Slayer and her pals; he wasn't Angel. He didn't have a soul.

_Angel_. At least Spike knew why his grandsire had skipped town, and he was glad. While a souled Angel was annoying, the thought of having the soulless Angelus around just pissed him off.

A part of Spike just wanted to dust himself and join Drusilla, wherever she was. But another part of him – the part that he referred to as William; the part of the poet that had refused to die at his turning – wanted to stick around. That part of him wanted to actually _help_ the Slayer face all that they'd both seen.

_Dru wanted it_, he reasoned. _It would be the only reason why she would show me_.

He would still be doing good, and he knew it. But then, he realized, he didn't seem to mind as much as he thought he would have. _I guess seein' everything that'll come changes people. It'll certainly explain the Slayer's sudden maturity_.

* * *

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Xander, he was obviously in charge."

Xander scoffed. "He was a puppet; she was using him!"

Buffy walked behind her friends, part of her listening to them while another part of her was thinking about how the two characters in question were like Spike and Drusilla.

Spike hadn't been seen since Drusilla's death; since then Kendra had left and things had quietened down considerably. She couldn't help but think about what her friends were saying, even though they weren't talking about the two vampires specifically; from what she'd seen in the memories, Spike had been at Drusilla's beck and call. She hadn't been able to exist without him, but at the same time she'd controlled him. With her gone…

Buffy didn't want to think about it. The most likely scenario was that Spike had dusted himself, and the thought of him doing that made her insides twist; Spike had turned good, and she felt guilty that he hadn't had the chance to go through that same character development.

She didn't realize that Xander had been trying to get her attention. "Hey, Earth to Buffy!"

"Huh?" Buffy blinked. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking."

"Still about Spike, huh?" said Willow.

Buffy nodded. "I mean, I know we haven't seen him in ages, but…"

"But what?" asked Xander. "He's a vampire; you shouldn't care if he's dust or not."

"But you should've seen him, Xander," said Buffy. "The guy looked really torn up when his girlfriend kicked it." Buffy had told her friends and Giles almost everything about what had happened. She said Drusilla had connected her and Spike, and as a result had lost her strength and turned to dust, but she hadn't told them about the memory exchange.

They simply weren't ready to know, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Xander just scoffed. "A vampire with "feelings". And to think I was afraid of that guy. What a loser."

"I think it's kinda romantic," said Willow. "In a twisted, evil kind of way. Because, you know, Spike's evil and all."

"But at least he's most likely dust now; there's nothing more to worry about." Xander's eyes then widened. "I just jinxed the hell out of that, didn't I?"

"I'll let you off this one time," said Buffy. _If it lets me know that Spike's still out there, he can jinx all he wants_.

They walked up to the house, but when Buffy put in her house key and opened the door, the chain on the other side caught it and prevented from opening any further. Buffy frowned, sliding her arm through to unhook the chain. _Odd_.

She knew from the memory that it was around the time when Ted showed up, but her mother was happy with Brian, so Buffy hadn't let herself worry too much. She was thankful that the door hadn't opened on its own like it had done in the memory, but her mother never put it on the chain.

"You guys wait here," she told her friends, before walking inside.

The house was mostly dark, and Buffy made her way towards the kitchen; that was where her mother had been in the memory, even though things were different. There was no harm in checking.

She heard something smash, and Buffy ran into the kitchen – to find her mother and Brian in the middle of a kiss. The two broke apart instantly, embarrassed at being caught.

"Buffy." Joyce bit her lip. "I'm…sorry you had to see that."

"No, it's OK," said Buffy, not even trying to hide her smile. "You're adults. I'll just be up in my room playing my music really loud…"

"Buffy!" But Joyce was smiling as well.

Xander and Willow hurried inside, and both smiled when they saw Joyce and Brian. "Hi, Mrs. Summers; Mr. Rothman," Willow greeted awkwardly.

"Why was the door on the latch?" asked Buffy. "It's never on the latch."

That's when Joyce looked down hesitantly. Brian rubbed her arm in a comforting manner. "Oh, I don't want to worry you, Buffy. Some things happened today; it's been very stressful."

"And you were relieving that stress?" asked Buffy with a smirk.

Joyce didn't smile that time, and Buffy realized something was very wrong. "Maybe you should tell her, Joyce," said Brian. "If he comes by the house and she lets him in…"

"Who?" asked Buffy. _Has Spike shown up again?_

Her mother sighed. "I met a man at the gallery about two weeks ago. He seemed nice and polite, and I was only being polite back. He asked me out, and I said I was already seeing someone. But then…he wouldn't go away. He kept coming back, pushing way too hard, and today… Well, he tried to force himself on me. He called me a useless woman who needed to learn to do as he said."

_Ted_. Buffy felt her anger grow. "Do you want me to deal with him? You know I'm a lot tougher than I look."

"I've already reported him to the police," said Joyce, having caught Buffy's meaning. "There's no need for you to get involved. Besides, Brian's already made the death threats against him."

"I'm not sure how well I'll fare, but a man has to try," said Brian.

"Mum, I know you want me to stay out of this, but I can help," said Buffy. "Willow can track him down; it'll make him easier to find."

Willow nodded. "Whoever this guy is, I'll find him."

Joyce smiled in appreciation, and Buffy watched as Brian placed a kiss on her cheek. _Some guys really are getting it right_, Buffy thought.

* * *

The next evening the group were sat in the library, and Willow was typing away at the computer. Xander and Cordelia had turned up a little later than Buffy and Willow, to which Buffy hid a smirk; Xander had disappeared after complimenting Cordelia's clothes, and if that had led to what it had led to in her memories…

"So what's the low down on the bastard?" asked Xander. "Is he some sort of praying mantis demon? I'd like to get my hands on him if he is."

"Are you ever gonna let that go?" asked Cordelia.

"Hey, you weren't the one who was almost eaten, OK?" said Xander. Cordelia just rolled her eyes.

"A praying mantis wouldn't make sense; it's only the females who kill like that," said Willow.

"But there are other demons who could be responsible," said Giles, walking over. He was reading through his fifth book. "We've already eliminated vampires; Joyce said she saw him outside in the sunlight. But that doesn't really narrow it down."

"Unless he's not a demon at all," said Buffy. "He could just be your run-of-the-mill stalker." _Or psychotic robot_.

Willow brought up a file on her computer. "I found Ted Buchanan. That was his name, right?"

"So this guy's actually a person?" asked Xander.

Willow nodded. "He's got no criminal record; he's like citizen of the year. But I've found marriage certificates and an address."

"Marriage certificates?" asked Buffy. She leaned over to see.

"Yeah, Ted married, like, four times and there're no divorce papers," said Willow. "But the first one dates back to 1957."

Cordelia frowned. "But didn't your mum say he looked about her age?"

"So either Ted married in pre-school, or he's a lot older than he looks," Xander decided. "Or he's a demon."

"There's only one way to find out." Buffy wrote down the address on a piece of paper.

"Is it time for the Avengers to Assemble?" asked Xander.

"More like disassemble," said Buffy. "If this guy turns out to be a demon, I don't want any of you getting hurt. Please don't tell Mum or Brian where I've gone – especially Brian. Remember he doesn't know about any of this yet, and I don't wanna send him running."

"Sure thing, Buff." Then Xander blinked. "Wait, did you just get a comic book reference?"

She nodded. "Yep. My time as a geek on Halloween really enlightened me. Since I still remember all the knowledge, I decided to look into it. But it's weird, because I think the geek in question was from the future."

"Future?" Xander looked confused. "How do you know?"

"Cliff notes version; I sent a fan letter to George Lucas telling him that he needs to seriously rewrite the _Star Wars_ prequels."

* * *

Buffy had almost reached Ted's place when she realized that someone was following her. Her Slayer senses told her it was a vampire, and she rolled her eyes. _I didn't think they came to this part of town. It's why I'm never here_. Nevertheless, she took out the stake she'd brought with her before cautiously continuing forwards.

At the right moment she spun, her stake ready for the kill – but she froze when she saw who it was.

"Spike?"

The vampire was stood behind her, and while he took a step back at her raised stake, he stood his ground. He looked like his normal self at first, but the longer Buffy kept her eyes on him, she slowly began to realize that he looked a mess. His clothes were dirty and wonky, and there was blood on his face; in short, he looked like he'd gone to Hell and back.

He also looked different in a sense that he wasn't acting hostile towards her. He almost looked hesitant. Part of her had been expecting him to leap at her in anger if their paths crossed again; she thought he would've blamed her for Drusilla's death.

_Apparently not_. The only reason she could think of for this was that the memories had really affected him. In his soulless evil state, she wondered if they would; she wondered if he would care. _So maybe he doesn't care, but the pain in those images could've forced his weirdly un-souled moral compass to come into play_.

Of course, the only way to know for sure was to ask – but she couldn't bring herself to, and instead waited for him to say something. He had sought her out, and it was clear that he didn't want to fight.

"I'm not gonna kill you, Slayer," was the first thing he said.

Buffy nodded. "I know."

"I'm not in the mood," he continued. "Heck, was I _ever_ in the mood to kill you? I was always makin' these excuses. And now… I don't wanna do it. So consider yourself safe from me. You wanna dust me, go ahead."

He stood there waiting, expecting her to do it.

But Buffy just put away her stake. "No. I'm not gonna kill you. And I'm sure you know why."

Spike just stared at her before he sighed. "Yeah, I know. I didn't see all of it – a few parts missin' – but I saw enough. Some things I'd rather forget." He looked away awkwardly, and Buffy knew exactly what he was thinking about.

It was the same memory she would pretend she never saw – what had happened between them in what the geek had called 'season 6'. "Spike…" Buffy bit her lip. She had to go and sort out Ted, but she felt bad about leaving him… "I have to go. Will you be…um…alright?"

"Why do you care, Slayer?" he asked, suddenly bitter. "You're probably goin' off to dust a couple of my mates, anyway."

"Actually, no," said Buffy. "This guy's been stalking my mum, and I'm going to take care of him. We think he's some sort of demon."

"Your mum?"

"Remember her? She hit you with an axe that time."

"Yeah, I remember her now. She seemed nice."

_What's with this guy and liking women who can kick his ass?_ "Have you heard of any demons that stalk people in that way?"

"Not specifically," said Spike with a shrug. "Some might do it just for kicks, but not a single kind. Mind if I tag along?"

Buffy blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because I've been thinkin'," said Spike. "Dru wouldn't have shown me those images – whatever they are – without reason. And as crazy as this sounds comin' from me, I think she showed me 'cause she wants me to help you. Dru may have been insane, but when it came to prophecies and destinies, she always got it right, as much as I bloody hate to admit it right now. Besides, I could use some violence, and I have nothin' else to do with my existence."

Buffy was surprised by this, but felt that it made a bit of sense. _He was always doing everything Drusilla told him to do. In a way, she could've told him to do this_. "OK. Just don't suddenly switch sides in the middle of it."

They continued on together. When they got to the building, Buffy smashed through the window in order to reach the lock. They looked around once inside; the place was old and dusty.

"Doesn't look like anyone's worked here, let alone lived here," said Spike.

"But demons tend to live in places like this." Buffy noticed the rug on the floor. "And that looks really out of place." She pulled it aside and found a trap door, which she opened. A ladder opened out as she did, and once it was stable she climbed down. Spike was behind her.

When they were downstairs, Buffy switched on the light. Music began to play as they looked around.

"Just like something out of a 1950s movie," Buffy observed.

"I was in Italy durin' the fifties," Spike mused. "You should've been there; really missed out."

"Well, I was a little held up by not being _born_ yet." Buffy walked over to the familiar closet, and taking in a deep breath, she opened it.

She gasped and hurriedly stepped back at the sight of the four rotting bodies.

"What the hell, Slayer?" Spike joined her at her side and took a look himself. His eyes widened. "Bloody hell! What kind of bloke _is_ this guy?! Even _I_ think that's disgustin'."

"What on God's green Earth are you doing down here?!"

The pair turned to see the man – robot – in question. Ted was staring at them, and he looked livid.

"Actually, the real question here is _what_ are _you_?" Buffy demanded. "You're not human, are you? And what gave you the right to go after my mother?!"

"Your mother is a whore, just like all the other women on the planet! And I don't take orders from women!" Ted strode forwards, but Buffy kicked him in the stomach.

She took out the stake she'd brought with her, and when Ted picked himself up again, she slashed it across his face. It cut just the way it had in her memory, revealing his wires and the metal underneath his skin.

"Robot," Spike observed. "That's a new one. Are things always this crazy in Sunnyhell?"

"_Please_. This is just Tuesday." Buffy hit Ted again, but the robot just grabbed her and threw her across the room. He began to storm towards her.

That's when Spike vamped out, leaping in the way.

"Devil!" Ted cried. He tried to hit Spike, but the vampire dislocated his arm with ease and threw him across the room. In the meantime, Buffy was able to pick herself up and join Spike's side.

Ted got up again, his wires beginning to sizzle out…but then several gun shots went off, hitting him in the chest and causing him to fall. He didn't get up again.

Buffy turned towards the stairs and was shocked to see Brian stood there with a hunting rifle in his hands. "Brian?"

"I saw you out with your friend," he explained. "I overheard that you were going after Ted, so I followed. I've been looking for him myself. Is he a…?" He trailed off when he saw Spike's still vamped-out face. "Err…"

"I best be off then." Spike hurried past the man.

Buffy wanted to stop him, but decided not to. _It's a process. Besides, I have bigger things to deal with right now_. She cringed. "Yeah, there's…something we've been meaning to tell you."

* * *

"So, to review," Brian pointed at Buffy, "Buffy is a vampire Slayer who was chosen to fight the forces of darkness," He then pointed at Giles, "you're her Watcher, who helps and guides her," He then held up a finger, "and she's supposed to be the only one, but another was activated when she temporarily died."

"Which we'll talk about _later_." Joyce sent Buffy a stern look.

They were sat in the library, and Buffy and Giles had just finished explaining to Brian about everything that was going on. Willow, Xander and Cordelia were still there from earlier, while Joyce and Jenny had stopped by while Buffy had been out.

"We didn't want to scare you off, which is why we didn't say anything," Buffy told the man. "I've never seen my mum happier."

Brian's face flushed as he stammered with slight embarrassment. "Really?"

Joyce nodded. "It was a lot to take in for me, too. And I still don't know everything; I'm reading through some books Mr. Giles lent me, if you want to borrow them?"

Brian nodded. "Now that I think about it, this revelation explains a lot. I just thought this was a weird town."

"You're taking this kinda well," Willow observed.

"I'm a writer. Weirdness is part of the job description." He shrugged. "So it's only everyone in this room who knows?"

"There's Angel as well," said Buffy. "He's a vampire, but he has a soul, so he's a good vampire."

"He was the one that was with you?"

"No, that was…" Buffy paused when she realized what Brian had asked, and how she'd replied. She caught Giles looking at her, and figured there was no use hiding it. Her friends and family were bound to find out sooner or later, anyway. "That wasn't Angel. That was another vampire; Spike."

"Spike?" Giles's eyes widened. "He's still here?"

"Why was he with you, Buffy?" asked Willow.

"He was following me," she explained. "He was still upset about Drusilla; I just couldn't stake him when he looked like that."

Giles sighed. "Recall that not only does Spike not have a soul, but he's also killed Slayers in the past."

"But I think Drusilla did something to him during our mind…link…thing," said Buffy. "He seems…_different_ now. He didn't want to kill me for starters, and when he heard that I was going after Ted, he came with me. And shocking as it is, I think it would've gone a lot worse had he not been there."

Brian nodded. "She's right about that. When I got there, he was stood between Buffy and Ted."

"But let's not talk about this right now," said Buffy. "Spike's still around, and if he tries to kill me, I'll kill him. Problem solved."

"Unless someone else gets to him first." Giles sat down. "While you were gone, Jenny and I received a call from the Vice Principal; the new Principal will be starting tomorrow, and I have reason to believe he took this job for a very specific reason."

"What's that?" asked Buffy.

"I have a feeling he'll know you're the Slayer," said Giles. "His name is Robin Wood, and he's the son of Nikki Wood – the Slayer Spike killed in the seventies."


	8. Chapter Seven: Stake Made of Wood

As Buffy carried the cartons of eggs towards the school, she thought about the lack of vampires she'd found in the mall earlier that day.

She had waited for the vampire in question at the top of the escalators, and while the woman from the memory had appeared, there had been no vampire in sight. It had confused her, and after picking up Joyce's dress – she was glad she hadn't been distracted from doing that – she had done a sweep of the entire building.

No vampire. Her senses hadn't tingled once.

She wondered if she had done something down the line to prevent the Gorch brothers from arriving in Sunnydale. Perhaps they'd heard about Drusilla's death and had decided not to chance it? Or perhaps Angel had come across them and killed the brothers himself? She didn't know, but she was glad that they were out of the way so she could deal with other issues.

Those other issues included dealing with the mother Bezoar and her eggs. It was why Buffy was heading over to the school; she needed to smash the eggs, replace them, and then kill the demon which was in the basement. She hadn't told Giles about it; she knew he would ask how she knew, and she wasn't ready for that.

She'd almost reached the school building when her senses picked up a vamp, causing her to pause with a sigh. _Maybe it's one of the brothers_. "I really don't have time for this, so leave."

"Didn't know you hated me that much, Slayer."

Buffy spun to find Spike stood behind her, his eyebrow raised. She couldn't help but feel slight relief at seeing him well again; he was in far better shape than the last time they'd met, which hadn't been long after the incident with Ted. She had found him in the old mansion, where he had moved in after Drusilla's death.

She hadn't stayed long, and she hadn't said much. She told him about where the memories had come from and how she'd been able to change them so far, before she asked him what he'd seen. Through her questions, she was able to figure out what he didn't know; he didn't know about the Gem of Amara, and some things with the Initiative were a bit blurry. He actually thought he'd _helped_ her and her friends during that battle instead of fighting against them. He also didn't seem to know that Ben was Glory, still thinking they were two separate people.

She was glad to hear that he didn't know about going crazy through the First's trigger – but he did know about the destructive romance they would've had, and was especially ashamed about a certain event which took place in a bathroom.

"I would've never done that," he kept on insisting. "Not even at my evilest. Rape was always Angelus's game."

Hearing that, a small part of her love for Angel died.

Spike then went onto repeat that he was going to do what he thought Drusilla had told him to do; help Buffy to stop these future events from happening. Buffy accepted that, and said that he had to prove himself to not just her, but her friends and family too. However he insisted that he wanted to help her from the shadows with no one else but her – and perhaps Giles – knowing about it.

The fact that he'd appeared in front of her gave Buffy hope that he'd perhaps changed his mind. "Have you come to help?" She gestured to the eggs in her arms.

But he shook his head. "No. I just thought you'd like to know that I dusted some semi-notorious vamps for you last night; the Gorch brothers. Not sure how they got their semi-notorious status; they're both dumb as a bleedin' post."

"Oh." Buffy tried to hide her disappointment. _Wait, why am I feeling disappointed? Do I actually __want__ Spike to help me, side by side?_ "Thanks. I mean, if anyone found out about that, you'd be in trouble, and… I'm really going too much into this, aren't I?"

"It's all about competition, pet," said Spike. "And it's like what I said in that weird TV show; I like this world. It's got puppies, Manchester United and people walkin' around like Happy Meals on legs."

Buffy's eyebrow rose. "If you want to help me, you're gonna have to stop killing people. You don't have to go completely on pig's blood; I'm sure you can take some bags from the hospital, and I hear cattle blood is quite tasty."

He rolled his eyes. "You're really puttin' me on a lead here, aren't you?"

"_You're_ the one who wants to help."

"Like I said; I like this world," Spike continued. "And without you around to save it, we all go to Hell. Goodbye Piccadilly, so long Leister bloody Square, and all that. So I'll help, but from afar. You got that?"

She did, but realized that something didn't add up. "So then why come to me now?"

"What?"

"You came to me to tell me about the Gorch brothers – the ones who are already dust," she explained. "Why? You know they're not a problem to me now, so why come and tell me about a problem you've already solved?"

Spike paused, looking at her with a look of turmoil on his face. She could see that part of him wanted to lie while another part just wanted to run as far away from her as he could.

With an aggravated sigh, Spike turned away from her. "You're right! I shouldn't be here, tellin' you things that don't matter! But I am, and I don't know why! You're…you're insufferable! You're in my head, Summers! You're everywhere! You're all I bloody think about! No matter what I do – no matter how hard I try to forget about you – you're always there! It's been like that ever since that time on Halloween! You hesitated, you worked your way in, and now I can't get rid of you. And seein' what could've happened between us… It just makes it worse."

_He's starting to feel something for me_, she realized. Buffy knew it wasn't love; it was too soon for that. But she also knew that it was something that could _become_ love, if he stuck around long enough.

She didn't know what to feel about that. The Buffy she had seen in the memory had resented Spike, and it took the vampire getting tortured to death in order for her to turn her attitude around. Buffy knew that hatred was partly because of what had happened with Angel.

It was a simple analysis; Angel had been unable to love without a soul, and the part of Buffy that had still been holding onto him couldn't accept that Spike _could_.

Buffy was willing to accept that Spike could love without a soul – but that didn't mean she would let herself love the younger vampire. _I'm Angel's girl_. But as she told herself this, Buffy felt doubt. She wasn't pinning for Angel, or getting impatient with him; she was living without him rather well – too well, and she knew it.

_Maybe it really was just teenage hormones and rebellion. The latter would make sense, considering he's a vampire and I'm a Slayer_.

But she didn't want to think about that yet.

Seeing that Spike had calmed down, Buffy spoke up, "Do you wanna help me kill a demon?"

Spike just stared at her before replying with a shrug, "Yeah, alright." As they began to walk, he looked down at the cartons of eggs she held. "So are we gonna pelt it to death with eggs, or are you plannin' on startin' up a farm?"

"It's a Bezoar demon," she explained. "The mother lays eggs, and when they hatch they attach themselves to a human who acts as a host. They're sort of all connected as one mind with one sole purpose; to serve their mother. Kinda like the Borg things in _Star Trek_."

Spike smirked. "You're a closet geek."

"Yeah, well there were other shows and franchises other than our one, and with all that new knowledge I got curious about them." Then, unable to resist, she asked, "_Star Trek_ or _Star Wars_?"

The vampire almost burst out laughing. "Honestly? Both. _Trek_ is a look into our distant future, while _Wars_ is like a fantasy version of sci-fi. They're both refreshing takes and different enough to not copy one another. You?"

"Both for me, too. _Marvel_ or _DC_?"

"_Marvel_, although I do like _Batman_."

Buffy smirked. "I think everyone likes _Batman_. I'm a _Marvel_ girl, myself. They were a lot kinder when it came to the chick supers. I mean, _Wonder Woman_ had all those powers, but when she joins the _Justice League_, they make her their secretary?"

They laughed together. Once they were inside the building they came across Mr. Whitmore, who was sneaking about with cartons of what Buffy knew were the Bezoar eggs. They followed him inside his classroom, and Buffy gestured for Spike to knock him out. He sent her a questioning look, but did as asked.

Buffy then ripped open the man's shirt to reveal a hatchling Bezoar, which she tore off and crushed with her foot.

"That explains that," said Spike. "Must've missed that memory."

"I'll change the eggs and help Mr. Whitmore when he wakes up," said Buffy. "You go and find the demon; it should be in the basement, but don't get too close. I'll join you once I'm done here."

Spike nodded before hurrying out of the room. Once he was gone, Buffy gathered up all the Bezoar eggs and stomped on them. She then placed the ordinary eggs in their place before she began cleaning up the mess she'd made on the floor.

"Can I help you?"

Buffy spun around with wide eyes. Robin Wood was stood in the doorway, sending her a raised eyebrow.

The Slayer paused; she knew that he knew about her, but he didn't know that. _Wow, that sounds really confusing in my head_. "I, err… I was helping Mr. Whitmore with tomorrow's assignment. But then we…broke the eggs so I was sent to get new ones. And then he…fell, and…hit his head. I was going to call for help, but since he wanted the mess cleaned up…"

"Is this about slaying a demon?"

Buffy faked surprise. "Huh?"

"You'll be relieved to know that I know who you are, Miss Summers," said the Principal, stepping into the room. "I know you're the Slayer, and that it's your job to kill vampires and demons. I'm an independent vampire hunter, myself; my mother was Nikki Wood, a Slayer back in the seventies."

"Oh." Buffy wasn't sure what else she could say. "So this is…alright?"

"You're doing your job, and that's fine with me," he said. "Apart from your Watcher – the librarian, Mr. Giles – does anyone else know about you?"

"My friends; Willow, Xander and Cordelia." She couldn't exactly call Cordelia a friend, but she didn't want to get into that. "Miss Calendar, too. And my mum, and her boyfriend. But that's it."

Principal Wood nodded as he sat down on the edge of a desk. "Now that we're alone, I need to ask you something. Can I borrow a volume of the Watcher's diaries?"

"The one about your mother?" asked Buffy. She feared what he was about to say.

"She was killed by a vampire," said Wood. "I want to know which one; I want to know who he is, and where I can find him."

Buffy tried not to let her worry show; she couldn't let him know that the vampire he was searching for was in the same building as them. "I'm sure Giles can help you with that. Now if you excuse me, I have a demon to kill."

She passed him, and he rose from his seat curiously. "Can I help?"

"No offence, but this is a particularly nasty demon," said Buffy. "I don't want the school to lose another Principal, and so far you're probably the nicest one we've had."

"Understood." He nodded. "But if you need any help, Miss Summers, don't hesitate to ask."

* * *

"So you do not want me to give the diary to him?"

Buffy nodded. It was lunch the next day, and the 'Scooby Gang' – or so Xander had nicknamed them – were sat in the library. "I know it's right for him to read up on how his mother died, but I don't want him going after Spike."

"Why?" asked Xander. "I mean, I know he killed Snyder and all – which I still need to thank him for – but he's a vampire. Does 'soulless' and 'evil' ring any bells?"

"Buffy does have a point," said Giles. "While Robin Wood is a successful vampire hunter, Spike is not ordinary vampire. There is a high chance that Wood will be killed."

"And he's the nicest Principal we've had," said Willow. "We don't want anything bad to happen to him."

Buffy sighed. She knew that it would be enough to leave it at that, but she also knew that if she didn't start telling them about Spike, by the time it mattered it would be too late. "It's not just that. I don't want Spike dead."

They all stared at her.

"Err, hello? Aren't Slayers supposed to, you know, _slay_ vampires?" asked Cordelia. "Apart from Angel, but he's dreamy."

"Spike helped me kill a demon last night," Buffy explained further. She thought back to how the two had battled the demon together, and how natural it had felt to have Spike fighting by her side. Angel always fought for her, to protect her – Spike fought _with_ her.

"He's a vampire, Buffy," said Xander in a condescending tone. "He's probably tricking you into a false sense of security. Vampires do that, because they're _evil_."

"First off, he's had plenty of chances to kill me, including last night," said Buffy. "If he wanted me dead, then I'd be dead or _he'd_ be dead. But Drusilla did something to him; he seems to have gotten it in his head that her dying wish was for him to help me."

They stared again.

"_Help_ you?" Giles stammered.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I would've called bullshit too, but I have Slayer senses. I could see that he meant it. And even before Drusilla's death, he kept making these excuses for not killing me; about how I'm entertaining to him, and about how sometimes it's not fair play. But sometimes it just didn't make sense."

Giles sat down, cleaning his glasses. "I did mention before that Spike is an unusual vampire; he feels human emotions and has a form of honour, which challenges everything we know about them."

Jenny, who had remained silent up until this point, asked, "Is it possible for a vampire to reform without gaining a human soul?"

"And what _is_ a soul for them, anyway?" asked Buffy. "Is it just some Jiminy Cricket placed inside them, telling them what's right and wrong? Because it has nothing to do with emotions. Meaning that with the right emotional influence, a vampire could technically start fighting for the home team."

"But it's unprecedented," said Giles.

"Not from what I saw with Spike," said Buffy. "He's helped me twice now by his own free will. I don't know what Drusilla did to him, but he would do anything she said. He seems to think she wants him to help me, and that's what he's doing. I guess he's like a hyena."

She earned looks of confusion in response.

"So he's an evil scavenger who lives in creepy dead places?" said Xander. "Sounds just like something else I know… Oh, wait!"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I meant that he's acting like a _wild_ one; I'm not talking about Disney here. With hyenas, the females are in charge and the males do whatever they say. That's like Spike's relationship with Drusilla in a nutshell."

"That's true," said Xander. "When I became a hyena guy that time, the girls seemed pretty dominant."

Willow frowned. "I thought you said you didn't remember being a hyena?"

The boy's eyes widened. "Someone interrupt so I don't have to answer that."

Giles did so as he rose to his feet. "So what you're saying, Buffy…is that with Drusilla dead, he's following _you_ now?"

"He's not saying it outright, but in a way, yes. The guy hasn't done his own thing in over a century," said Buffy. "He doesn't know what to do with himself. In his head, he needs to follow a woman around like a lost puppy. And since he was already obsessed with me one way or another, I'm that woman."

"But he loved Drusilla," said Willow. "Does that mean he loves you now?"

"I doubt he bounces back that fast, Willow," said Buffy. She couldn't tell her friends that the vampire may have already started falling for her, so she decided that a small lie wouldn't hurt. "Besides, we still have this whole 'I hate you' thing going."

"Yeah, well that doesn't stop _some_ people." Willow glared at Xander and Cordelia.

"Will-" But before Xander could try to say anything, Willow just leapt up and ran from the library.

Buffy sighed. _So much for letting her know gently_. "What was that about?"

Xander hesitated. "Willow kinda found out about…err…"

"You and Cordelia making out in the closet?" They stared at her with wide eyes. "I knew about that already. I'm the Slayer, remember? There's not a lot which slips past me." She rose from her chair and turned back to Giles. "I'm gonna go talk to her. Please, think about what I said. Remember that Angel still hasn't come back; Spike could help us."

She then turned and left the library, not wanting to hear Giles's response. She knew that he only started to truly resent vampires after Jenny had died, meaning that with any luck, he would be more open to the idea of Spike fighting alongside them. _I've just got to convince the vampire in question_. She hoped that the thrill of fighting alongside her the night before had convinced him to come out of the shadows when it came to doing good.

She pushed those thoughts away when she finally found Willow sat on a bench outside. The girl was obviously trying not to cry.

Buffy sat down next to her. "It'll be fine."

"But…" Willow sniffed. "What does that say about him? It says that he'd rather be with someone he hates instead of _me_."

The Slayer put a comforting arm around her friend. "I don't know what to say that'll make you hurt more. Sometimes these things just aren't meant to be. And if you want my opinion, I think there's something special about a boy and a girl being close friends without any romance. It goes against stereotypes."

Willow wiped away the lone tear that had escaped her eyes. "Special?"

"Yeah. You don't want to ruin that, do you?"

She shook her head. "No. Xander's my friend."

"Exactly." Buffy then spotted Oz sat in the shade of a tree, tuning his guitar. "Why don't you try with Oz? You two seem to be hitting it off really well. But don't do it because you want to make Xander jealous; do it for yourself."

Willow looked over at Oz before she smiled. "Yeah. I think I will! Seize the day, just like you told me!" And with that she hopped to her feet and wandered over to the musician.

Buffy smiled as she watched the two talking. _And thus, the universe is in balance_.


	9. Chapter Eight: Birthday Tradition

When Buffy found that the glass by her bedside was empty, she realized she was having the dream. _But will it be the same?_ She doubted it. Angel wasn't around, meaning there was no chance of him losing his soul.

_So why am I having it?_ She climbed out of bed with the empty glass and made her way towards the bathroom. She knew that in the memory she was being followed by Drusilla, so turned as she opened the door.

The glass dropped from her hand.

It was Ben – the one who changed into the Hell-goddess, Glory. "Excuse me," he said with a polite smile, before walking past her into the Bronze.

The Bronze being where the bathroom should be.

He disappeared as soon as he was inside, and Buffy hesitantly followed. It would be like any normal night at the Bronze, except for the monkey sat on one of the tables. Willow was sat at that same table, but unlike in the memory, Oz was sat with her.

"Do you think the hippo is jealous of the monkey?" Oz asked. "Because the monkey gets to wear clothes and can fit through the door, while the hippo can't."

"It's kinda sad." Willow waved at Buffy, and she waved back.

Buffy continued walking through the room until she came across Xander and Cordelia sat on the stairs, kissing.

"I don't know how I could ever love a demon," said Xander when he pulled up for air. "Even if one became human. Do I look like the kind of guy who'd turn into a hypocrite?"

"Hypocrites are better than demons." Cordelia leaned in to kiss him again.

A hand suddenly tapped on Buffy's shoulder, and she turned quickly to see her mother. "I knew you weren't ready. At least you see that now." There was no mug in her hand for her to drop.

_So it's similar, yet different_. Buffy watched as Joyce drifted past her.

Someone then pushed past her, and Buffy did a double take when she realized who it was. "Angel?" The vampire just ignored her as he kept on walking, and she followed in confusion. "Angel?"

He turned to her. "Oh, Buffy. I thought you'd forgotten about me."

"No." She shook her head.

"But you don't miss me." He shrugged. "You don't love me anymore." And then he walked away.

Buffy was about to go after him when another figure appeared – in the place where Angel should've been.

Spike was walking towards her with a smile on his face, and no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't stop herself from smiling, as well.

But then, from out of nowhere, a familiar blonde woman appeared and stuck her fingers inside the vampire's head. Spike cried out in pain.

"Spike!" She tried to reach out for him, and he tried reaching for her, but he collapsed to the floor before their hands could touch.

Buffy looked at the one who was responsible: Glory. "Happy Birthday, Mousy the Vampire Layer."

Buffy's eyes snapped open and she sat up. She was in her own bed, safe and sound. _But Glory must be close by. Why else am I having a dream like that?_

She rose from the bed and crossed the room to the window. What compelled her to do this she didn't know, but when she saw a familiar figure stood by the tree outside her window, she was glad that she had. Spike was smoking as he usually was, occasionally glancing up at her window before looking down at his feet.

The next time he looked up he spotted her staring down at him. He quickly dropped his cigarette, stomped on it, and turned to hurry away. But Buffy opened her window and called, "Spike!" as loudly as she could without waking her mother.

Spike paused and turned to her, confusion in his eyes. "Yeah?"

Not caring how she was dressed, Buffy climbed out her window and down the tree, landing perfectly on the lawn. "Are you…err…? This is gonna sound a little weird, but are you OK?"

"Fine." He looked around hesitantly. "But what 'bout you? Wanna tell me what's wrong, pet?"

_Trust Spike to figure out that something's up_. "It was a dream," she admitted.

He nodded. "If I remember rightly, you started havin' them right before Angel lost his soul. Which means you don't have to worry; Angel's not here, and I've got no soul to lose."

"No, it wasn't about Angel," said Buffy. "I saw you – and you got hurt." She didn't tell him it was Glory; she didn't want him to worry.

"And you care about that?" His eyebrow rose.

"You've been helping me, and call me crazy, but I might even consider you a friend now," said Buffy. "But I saw something else as well; something I need you to check out."

"What?"

"A name." Buffy bit her lip; for all she knew, Ben or Glory weren't even in Sunnydale, but there was always a chance. Glory had a pretty good set up in the memory, one which should've taken some time to acquire. _And why would I be having the dream if they're not here?_ "Ben Wilkinson. Try looking around those really flashy apartments first; I think his family may have connections." She was thankful that Spike didn't know about the 'Ben is Glory' thing.

For a moment there was a flash of jealousy in Spike's eyes, but then he nodded. "I'll see what I can dig up." His eyes then softened, as if only just realizing that something had truly shaken her. "Are you sure you're OK?"

Buffy nodded. "I'm fine. It might be nothing. But there's no harm in checking, right?"

* * *

When Buffy saw Xander and Giles in quiet discussion, she kept up the pretence that she had no idea what they were talking about. She wanted to act surprised about the party, since she was certain there would actually _be_ a party unlike in her memory; after all, Spike wasn't trying to build the Judge.

"Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming along!" said Xander.

"I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander," said Jenny, just as she arrived and sat down at a table.

"Check, cancel spanking." Xander sat down as well, as did Giles and Buffy.

Buffy looked down at her bag, still feeling uneasy about the dream she'd had the previous night. _Should I have sent Spike to go check out Glory? What if she hurts him, like she did in the dream?_

"Are you feeling well, Buffy?" Giles inquired.

"I had a rough night," Buffy replied. "I had this dream; kinda like the ones I had about the Master. I think there's some dark power in Sunnydale that we don't know about, but I don't want to start a big freak out over nothing."

Giles looked thoughtful. "It would not surprise me that there is; there are still things we do not know about the Hellmouth and its activities. It is best to stay alert in case something happens which could lead to a rather cataclysmic state of affairs."

"Does anyone else know about your dream?" asked Jenny.

Buffy hesitated before replying, "Spike. I sent him to dig up anything he could find."

"What, is he taking up the Angel mantle now?" asked Xander. "Honestly, Buffy; you're supposed to _slay_ vampires, not invite them onto the team."

"I will admit that Spike had proved to be of some help," said Giles. Buffy knew that while her Watcher was weary, he seemed to be OK with Spike helping her on patrol. It meant there was a lower risk of her getting hurt. "You let me know if he finds anything."

Buffy nodded, but she didn't plan on doing as he'd said. _I'm taking care of Glory on my own. I'm not losing anyone to her_.

* * *

"Mum?" Buffy walked into the kitchen after getting home from school, but her mother was nowhere to be found. With a shrug of her shoulders, Buffy walked over to the sink and picked up a clean glass to fill with water.

"Buffy."

Buffy jumped and spun around from the sudden shock, but as she did the glass dropped from her hand and smashed on the floor.

Just like it had done in her dream.

"Oh, I'm sorry I scared you." Joyce bent down to pick up the larger pieces while Buffy just stared. "Could you help me with this?"

The Slayer blinked back before she bent down as well. _It's happening. I've gotta find Glory_. "I'm sorry, Mum."

"No, it was my fault," Joyce insisted. Then she asked, "So was that Spike you were talking to last night?"

Buffy froze. "You…you saw me talking to him?"

"I woke up to go to the bathroom and saw you out the window," said Joyce. "I never would've imagined you speaking with the same man who attacked the school."

"Things are different now," Buffy admitted. "Spike's helping us, both my friends are actually scoring with dates, Angel's still gone…"

"Oh, how are you feeling about that?"

Buffy sighed. "I think… I don't wanna admit it, but I don't miss him. I was supposed to only miss him a little, but I don't even miss him _at all_. Him being away has made me realize that it wasn't love; just your regular teenage hormones."

"Well, I for one am glad to hear that," said Joyce. "I knew you weren't ready. At least you see that now."

Buffy bit her lip at the familiar words. _Glory. Gotta stop her. Soon_.

* * *

When Jenny drove Buffy to the Bronze, she'd been hoping for it to all go smoothly. No Judge being put together, meaning no vamps to stop outside the party.

Only there were vamps, just doing what vamps always did best.

"Run!" Buffy yelled to Jenny before kicking one of the vampires away. Jenny ran inside.

The first two proved to be fairly easy to stake, but the third was difficult. The fact that he was larger had something to do with it. Buffy and the vampire fell through a window like in the memory, and before the vampire could get up she staked him. He turned to dust with a cry of horror.

"Surprise!" Cordelia leapt up from behind the birthday cake, but her face fell when she saw the smashed window and the mess on the floor.

Everyone – everyone being Giles, Jenny, Willow, Xander, Oz, Joyce and Brian – turned to her as Oz remarked, "Pretty much sums it up."

"Buffy, are you alright?" asked Joyce.

"What happened?" Giles gave her a look of concern.

"Typical vamps doing typical vampy things." She quickly glanced around the room; part of her expected Angel to be there, since it was her birthday. But he was nowhere in sight, and she didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved. Breaking up with him wasn't an activity she wanted to do on her birthday.

Part of her hoped that Spike would be there, but understood why he wasn't; her friends still weren't comfortable around him. "Wait, what's going on?" she asked, playing along.

"We were, err, throwing you a surprise party," said Giles.

Cordelia walked over to join them. "Happy Birthday, Buffy."

She smiled, faking her surprise. "You guys did all this for me? That's so sweet."

"Are you OK?" Willow asked the still shocked Oz.

"Yeah," he replied. "Hey, did everybody just see that guy turn to dust?"

"Well, err, yeah." Willow looked hesitant.

"Vampires are real, a lot of them live in Sunnydale… Willow will fill you in." Xander walked away with a sigh.

Still looking hesitant, Willow said, "I know it's hard to accept at first."

"Actually it explains a _lot_," said Oz.

"That was my reaction, as well," said Brian with a shrug.

Xander clapped his hands loudly. "OK, so if there're no more vampires looking to crash the party, present time!" He gestured to the table filled with presents.

Buffy was glad that the memory didn't show her what the others had gotten her for her birthday; it meant she was genuinely surprised when she opened them all. Her mother had gotten her a new bag, and Brian had gotten a purse to go with it. Giles had invested in a very rare type of axe which she was pleased with, and Jenny got her a low-powered pendant used for protection. Willow – with Oz's name added to the gift tag – had gotten her a decorative jar for her to hold Holy water, while Xander had been able to find a swish-army knife so she could carve stakes on the go. Cordelia had surprised her in buying an expensive pair of shoes.

There were two more to go, both in small boxes. While Buffy knew what the first one would be, she was puzzled by the second.

She picked up the familiar one first and looked at the note on the top. "It's from Angel. He says he's sorry he couldn't make it, but… He still doesn't think he can be around me without wanting to…" She trailed off before opening the box, revealing the familiar claddagh ring.

"What is it?" asked Willow.

"A claddagh ring," said Buffy. "From what it says on the card, his people exchanged it as a sign of devotion."

"Angel was Irish before he was turned," said Jenny.

Buffy nodded, still looking at the card. "Hands represent friendship, crown represents loyalty, and the heart… Well, that's not very hard to guess. If I wear it with the heart pointing towards me, it means I belong to…someone." _God, I'm really glad he didn't come. I couldn't have broken up with him if he gave this to me in person. I would've been worse than Cordelia_.

She saw her mother giving her a sympathetic look, which thankfully no one else noticed.

"What's that last one?" asked Cordelia, pointing to the box that was left.

"Oh, I found that on the porch outside," said Joyce. "It had Buffy's name on it, but I don't know who it's from."

Buffy picked it up and opened it…and was at a loss for words.

It was necklace, but not just any old plain necklace one could get for barely a dollar. This one was beautiful, and most definitely hand-crafted, meaning it had cost a lot of money. The pendent was a heart, with two swords crossed behind it like crossbones on a pirate flag. Its style and the symbolism made it obvious who had bought it for her.

Looking towards Giles, Buffy realized that he'd figured it out, too. But she wasn't about to reveal anything to the others.

"That's pretty," said Willow. "Who'd you think it's from?"

Buffy just shrugged. "You guess is as good as mine."

"Whoever it is has good taste," Cordelia admitted. "It suits her."

_I'll have to thank him later tonight_. As Buffy helped her friends and family clear away the wrapping paper ready for cake, she didn't notice the claddagh ring fall to the floor, forgotten.

* * *

Spike was stood under the tree again, just like he had been the night before. He knew it was wrong; it was something Angel did, ever the stalker. And from what he had seen in the memory, it had just made his relationship with Buffy and her friends worse.

_But I don't care about that…do I?_ Spike wasn't sure when he had come to enjoy helping the Slayer on patrol. Fighting by her side was an experience he couldn't explain; not even whimpy William the poet could form the right words for what he felt. It was different compared to what he had with Drusilla; he knew that much. He never really fought alongside Drusilla, for her fighting style – on the rare occasions she actually fought – was completely different to his own. She relied on her thralls while he used pure skill in hand-to-hand combat.

It was the same way Buffy fought; when it came to fighting, their minds were one.

_What is this?_ He wasn't sure. He knew he should hate the Slayer, but he couldn't. Not anymore. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to hate her. _To think this all started because the bint made a mistake and hesitated to kill me_.

It wasn't long before Buffy climbed out her bedroom window. Spike grinned at her when she landed in front of him. "Your mum knows now, pet. So why don't you use the front door?"

Buffy paused to think before replying with, "Habit."

"Happy Birthday," he greeted her, before his eyes fell upon the familiar necklace around her neck. _She's wearin' it. She must know it was me. And she's wearin' it_. "Get anything nice?"

"A lot of things, but this is my favourite." She gestured to the necklace. "Anything you wish to tell me, Spike?"

He froze. "Err…"

"Relax, I know it was you," she said with a smile. "It's beautiful. It must have cost you a lot…unless it didn't cost you anything?" She gave him a mock glare.

"I paid for it, pet," Spike explained. "Game of poker at Willy's. Won enough to get the best money can buy. Do the others know it was me?"

"Giles figured it out, and I think Mum guessed," said Buffy. She then sighed. "So, what cemetery do you wanna hit tonight?"

"Actually, I got something on that wanker you were after." Spike pulled out the piece of paper with the address upon it and handed it to her. He pushed down the flash of jealousy at the thought of why Buffy wanted to find this guy; he had seen him in the memory, and so had Buffy. _She wants to date him; there's no other reason why she wants to find him_. "Ben Wilkinson's a medical student studyin' at Sunny-D Uni, but he commutes; he lives in the apartments you mentioned. That's his address." He tapped the paper.

Buffy nodded. "Sure. Got it." It looked as though she wasn't really listening; she was just staring at the piece of paper, and Spike didn't quite know what the distant expression on her face meant.

"So why do you need to find him?" asked Spike. "I saw this guy in the memory, too; he wasn't anyone special."

"It…doesn't matter," said Buffy, folding the paper and slipping it into her pocket. "You didn't see the whole memory; Ben knows something, and I need to ask him about it. Could you patrol for me tonight while I head over to his place? I really need to do this now."

"Buffy?" Spike didn't know what to say. He could tell that she was lying; Buffy wasn't a very good liar, and how she'd hidden being the Slayer from her mother for so long he didn't know. But at the same time Spike could also see that she was nervous about something, and he was uncertain whether to intrude further or not.

"I'll be fine," she insisted. "This is…something I need to do alone. Please?"

The vampire didn't like it; he knew there was a chance of her walking into a potentially dangerous situation, but at the same time, he knew she could handle herself. The girl didn't need a man by her side to protect her. Spike wasn't Angel, and he was determined to prove that to Buffy.

Part of him wondered when he had made it his goal to prove _anything_ to her. "OK. I'll patrol while you're gone. Just…be careful."

"I will. I just need to grab something." She climbed back up into her room, and a few minutes later she walked out the front door with a large axe in her hands.

"Neat," said Spike.

"Giles got it for me. Birthday present." Then, without another word, she walked away.

Spike was going to patrol like he said he would; he really was. But something didn't sit right with him. It was her body language, and how she'd reacted to the information he had provided; Buffy was always so confident and focussed when it came to slaying, but when she had been talking to him she'd seemed hesitant and nervous – unsure of herself. It wasn't like her.

_It's gonna throw her off her game_. Spike knew he was breaking his word, but he followed her. _I know she can handle herself…but something's wrong_.

* * *

Buffy took in a deep breath as she pushed away the unwanted memories she had seen; the flashes of images, most of which included Spike as he was tortured for information by Glory…

_He kept Dawn safe. He protected us_. Spike had the potential to be good, and Buffy wasn't about to let some twisted Hell-goddess ruin that.

She tightened her grip on the axe, hoping she wouldn't have to use it. She wanted to avoid a fight, for she knew that Glory couldn't be killed. Her elder self – far more experienced than her current sixteen-year-old self – hadn't been able to beat her. But Ben…

Buffy pushed away the tears forming in her eyes. She had vowed never to take a human life.

_The world isn't black and white; just a shade of grey_.

She had seen everything that would happen to them; she had seen demons doing good and humans doing bad, sometimes even worse than what some demons could do. How was she supposed to protect the world from evil when a lot of that evil existed in humans?

Glory had left behind a devastating chain reaction. People had been killed, and even more had lost their minds. Not to mention there was her own death – which had caused Willow to turn to dark magic in order to resurrect her. And that was only the beginning.

The depression. Not noticing how far Willow was falling. Hurting Spike.

_Oh God, if I hurt Spike…_

And then there was the First Evil…

All she had to do was take one life. A single life. And everything bad that happened to her and her friends would be avoided.

_The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…or the one_. She was thankful to have watched _Wrath of Khan_ the week before; it made it a little easier. Barely.

She walked up the stairs and found the door leading to the apartment ajar. There were screams of agony coming from within. Buffy looked inside. There were no minions, which Buffy figured was a good thing. She saw Glory stood in the centre of the room, holding her head in pain. And then suddenly she changed form, and it was Ben stood in the middle of the room, wearing the girly dressing gown which made him look ridiculous.

A few moments later, Buffy realized she could still remember the transformation. _I guess having the memories takes precedence_. She placed the axe down by the door, knowing she wouldn't need it. She then planned what she was going to do; the candle sat atop of the dressing table caught her attention.

Buffy walked into the room. She didn't bother using her Slayer stealth; she didn't need it to do what she knew she had to do.

She didn't want to do it – but she knew she wouldn't be able to move on until she was certain that her friends could live in peace. _Dawn will never come…but I guess this way, I'm protecting her from the ultimate Big Bad: Life_.

"I know what you are."

Ben spun quickly, turning to face her. His eyes widened at her words. "You…you remember?"

"Yes." Buffy bit her lip, preventing the tears from escaping her eyes. "I know what she is, and what she'll do. I have to kill her."

His eyes widened further before he grabbed a heavy book, determined to use it in self-defence. "No, you don't understand. I want to live; I want to lead my own life!"

"That's not my fault, and it's not yours, either." Buffy refused to show any emotion – emotion made things harder. "It's hers. But if you live, everyone could die. I know what she's planning, and I can't let that happen. It's my duty to protect this world from evil…and I have to do it, no matter what."

Ben swung at her, but Buffy knocked the book out of his hands.

The door was still open. He could run. He could call for help.

There was no room for hesitation. So Buffy didn't.

The last thing she did was knock over the candle, allowing the apartment to go up in flames and hiding all evidence of her being there.

She only allowed the tears to spill once she was back in her own room, and curled up on her bed. _I killed a man… I killed a man…_


	10. Chapter Nine: Loss of Innocence

**AN: Be warned, for this is quite a dark chapter. It was also one of my favourites to write.**

* * *

Spike had no words.

Simply no words.

He couldn't wrap his head around what he'd just seen. In all his years of being a vampire, he had never been flung so off guard that it left mental whiplash.

Buffy had killed a man.

The Slayer had killed an innocent.

He had reached the apartment not long after her, and had climbed a tree outside in order to see what was going on. By the time he'd reached the window, Buffy was already inside. She was talking to the man she had asked him to find; Ben Wilkinson.

He was able to hear what they were saying. Buffy was talking about someone else; a woman she had to kill. Spike guessed she was talking about Glory, for the Hell-god had appeared in the memory around the same time as Ben. Was there a connection between the two?

The more Spike listened, the more it seemed likely that there was. Ben was saying that he didn't want to die, which at first made no sense. Buffy kept referring to Ben and then to this mystery woman as if they were the same person; she insisted that if Ben lived, this woman – this _thing_ – would destroy everything.

Ben tried to defend himself, but he stood no chance.

The Slayer snapped his neck in two.

Spike watched her as she walked unflinchingly away from the burning building. He wanted to believe that Buffy had just killed a demon, and that Buffy had somehow saved the world.

But Ben was still an innocent human, and no matter how much Spike tried to tell himself that the young man wasn't… He couldn't deny it. If Ben was truly sharing a body with Glory, it most likely wasn't his choice. Ben deserved to have a life of his own, and to be killed because something out of his control…

Spike didn't have a soul, so if he had done it, it wouldn't have mattered to him. But Buffy had been the one to do it, and it mattered to _her_.

He knew he couldn't go to the Slayer and demand an explanation. Not only would that be revealing that he hadn't kept his word and had followed her, he also knew that Buffy hadn't liked what she'd done. He had seen the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

She hadn't liked killing Ben. Not one bit.

She was seventeen, and still technically a kid. Spike supposed this was the reason the Council told her that all vampires were evil, through and through. It made it easier to kill them without regret; without that inner turmoil the soul and conscience gave humans. If a Slayer knew, especially at a young age, that some vampires could still hold onto their humanity, that would make things hard.

Slayers were always young; too young to deal with the weight of killing someone. It was the weight Buffy had to deal with.

Spike wanted to comfort her. After seeing what she had done, he couldn't deny it any longer; he didn't hate the girl. He liked her. And he wanted to be there for her. But he knew he couldn't. _See above for details_. He sighed, staring up at her bedroom window.

_I'll go to her Watcher_, he decided. _She needs a strong parental figure to get her through this, and as lovely as her mum is, she's not strong enough_. With his mind made up Spike took off for the school, knowing that Giles would still be at the library.

But if he had stayed longer, he would have noticed Buffy leaving her room once more.

* * *

Giles knew he should keep to Buffy's wishes, but he also knew he couldn't keep Principal Wood from the truth. So, when the young man stopped by the library late at night with the request to know about how his mother had died, Giles handed over the Watcher's diary in question without comment.

Wood read each page twice, and slowed down when he got to the end. Giles could see that he was leaving no room for error; this man had a vendetta, and was determined to see it through.

He sighed before finally shutting the diary. "Mr. Giles, I would like to read everything you have on this vampire; William the Bloody."

"More commonly known as Spike," said Giles. "I know a lot about the vampire in question; there's no need to read up on him."

"Then tell me." Robin sat back, his focus completely on Giles.

The Watcher sighed. "Spike is an unusual vampire; while most of his kind flee from Slayers, Spike seeks them out. He likes the fight; the rush it gives him. I also think he has an obsession with women who are stronger than he is, which I suppose was the key behind his attraction to his sire, Drusilla. Although you won't have to worry about her; she died several weeks ago."

"So he's a fighter," said Wood.

"I honestly think you are quite mad if you think you can defeat him," Giles continued. "Even Buffy struggled against him."

The Principal sat up at that. "So your Slayer has fought him? He was here?"

Giles sighed. "There are also other factors; Spike has, to my knowledge, challenged everything the Watchers Council knows about vampires. He feels human emotions, has a sense of honour and fair play, and is extraordinarily loyal. He remained with Drusilla for over a century."

"This thing killed my mother." Wood rose to his feet. "And to me, it sounds like you're defending him."

"I would never defend a vampire unless I feel I have good reason to," Giles admitted. "Not only is Spike still here, but he is currently assisting Buffy in her Slayer duties. For some reason or other, Drusilla – before she died – told him to help Buffy. I honestly thought he was playing us, but he has been repeatedly proving me wrong."

Wood looked like he was going to lose his temper, but he remained calm as he looked Giles dead in the eye. "Well, if your Slayer isn't going to kill him, then I _will_."

"I'd just _love_ to see you _try_, mate."

Both men turned to see Spike standing by the counter at the front of the library. Giles expected his expression to be a taunting one to go with the words that had left his mouth, but instead the vampire looked worried. Not by the presence of Robin, he realized.

Something was wrong.

"He's come to kill us," claimed Wood.

Giles refrained from rolling his eyes. "If he had come to kill us, Principal Wood, then we would already be dead." He turned to Spike. "You have the worst possible timing, Spike. Now what is it?"

"I need to talk to you in private." The vampire gestured to Wood.

But the Principal shook his head. "I'm not going to leave Mr. Giles alone with a monster."

"Whatever; I don't have time," said Spike with a roll of his eyes. "There's something wrong with Buffy."

Giles didn't question Spike for a second. "What is it? Is she hurt?"

"Not physically, Watcher," Spike explained. "Something…happened tonight. Last night she asked me to search for a bloke; Ben Wilkinson. I didn't really understand why, especially when I found him. He was just an ordinary bloke. Has she said anything to you lately?"

"She did mention that she had a disturbing dream that same night," said Giles. "She mentioned something about a dark power."

Spike nodded. "That would make sense. When I gave her the information tonight, she said it was something she had to do alone. I wanted to respect her wishes, but… She didn't look herself. There was something up. I followed her, just to make sure she'd be alright." The vampire looked away. "Oh God, I wish I was lyin' about this. I really wish I was."

"About what?" asked Giles.

"What she did next." Spike looked back up and Giles and their eyes met. "She found Ben and killed him."

Giles swore his heart stopped, just for a second. "She… What?"

"I really wish he was some sort of demon," said Spike, shaking his head. "He had an association with one; that much I can figure out. But he was human, through and through. I could smell him."

The Watcher took off his glasses and began to clean them as he sat against the desk. He noticed Principal Wood looking between them with an equal amount of shock, but paid the man no mind. "Why would she do such a thing?"

"She said she had to stop this demon; this woman," said Spike. "Said she was gonna destroy everything. But Buffy… She didn't like what she did. I could see it in her eyes; she didn't want to kill him, but felt she had to. I came to you 'cause I thought you'd be able to talk to her 'bout it. I think she needs you, mate."

Giles nodded. He couldn't wrap his head around what Spike had told him. He could see that the vampire was telling the truth; his face was filled with emotion, clear as day.

Buffy needed his help. "We shall go there now, before she does something she may later regret."

Spike nodded, and the pair began to move out. Principal Wood then began to follow. "I would like to accompany you. Forgive me for saying this, but I still don't trust this vampire."

Giles gave him a look of understanding before whispering, "To be honest, I didn't fully trust him – until now."

* * *

The vampire was easy to find. They always were, if one knew where to look for them.

Buffy chased it down. The vampire was big, but she'd taken bigger. She wanted it to be strong. She wanted a good fight. She needed a distraction.

When she caught up with the vampire, she knocked him down before punching him in the face repeatedly, throwing all her strength – all her anger at everything that had happened, and everything that would've happened – into it. And as she did, Spike's words from another life echoed in her mind.

_Death is on your heels, baby. And sooner or later, it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it. Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day; that final gasp, that look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know; what's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see; that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish – even you_.

Everything was building up. The pain and suffering she had seen in the future, Ford's death, Snyder's death, Drusilla's death… So much death, so much pain…

Death. She couldn't stop it.

_Life… Life is the Big Bad I have to defeat. Not Angelus, not the Mayor, not Adam, not Glory, not the Trio, not the First… Death is my Gift_.

The vampire began to gain the upper hand.

* * *

Robin Wood couldn't understand how Giles was willing to let a monster like Spike into the car with them.

He was in the back seat; in a perfect position to leapt forwards and bite their necks. Or snap their necks, just like the monster had done to his mother.

The creature was wearing her coat. His mother had been wearing it when she'd left the apartment that one last time, but when her body had been found, it was gone. It had confused him when he was young, how a coat could be there and then not. But the creature had taken it from her; he had plied it from his mother's cold, dead body like a trophy.

A reminder of everything he'd done, and everything vampires stood for.

Robin couldn't understand how any creature could turn their backs on their true nature.

They were driving past one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries when the vampire in the back suddenly leapt for the door. "Stop the car, Watcher!"

Giles hit the brakes just as Spike leapt from the car, running at a speed Wood didn't think possible. He and Giles climbed out of the car, confused by the vampire's actions, until they both noticed Buffy in the distance. She was fighting a vampire far larger than herself.

And losing.

The Watcher immediately hurried after the vampire, but Wood lingered behind. He knew that Giles wouldn't go anywhere without some form of defence against vampires; it was only a matter of finding something he could use.

He found a stake under the front seat, and decided that it would do. Wood hid it up his sleeve before he followed Giles into the cemetery.

* * *

If Spike's heart still beat, he knew it would be thudding in his ears. He kept his eyes on Buffy as she fought, and he pushed himself to go faster.

He could see it. The thing he had once hoped to see in Buffy every time he'd fought her, but it was the same thing which, at that moment, filled him with dread: The Slayer death wish.

She was covered in it, and it was a miracle that she had lasted so long against her opponent. But it was only a matter of time, and he knew it. Death was on her heels, and unless he did something, it was gonna catch her.

He couldn't let it happen. Buffy deserved more than this.

She was on the ground when he finally reached her. The vampire was about to take a bite out of her neck. With an almighty roar, Spike shifted into his game face and leapt over the headstone in his way. He landed on top of the larger vampire, tackling him away from her.

He didn't waste any time. Spike grabbed the stake which had been dropped before striking it through the vamp's heart. Its eyes wide with shock, the vamp turned to dust along with the stake. Spike had made sure the stake would still be in the other vamp; he didn't want Buffy to try and dust him, something he suspected she would attempt to do.

"What the hell were you _doin'_, Slayer?!" He didn't mean to shout, but he couldn't help it. "You scared me half to death! Well, _more_ to death. I- I could kill you!"

"Then do it."

Spike froze, shifting out of his game face. _Did she just…?_ "What?"

"You always said you wanted to kill me, Spike." There were tears in her eyes as she stepped towards him, until there was barely any space between them. "So kill me. Make it quick."

The vampire's eyes widened. "Buffy… I'm not gonna kill you, pet. You don't deserve it."

She hit him. "Yes I do! Ben, he…he was an innocent, and I killed him! I didn't want to do it, but I had to! I deserve to die! So kill me!" She kept on hitting him, over and over as tears filled her eyes and her voice grew louder and more desperate. "Kill me! Do it! Just do it! Please! Kill me! _Kill me!_"

"Buffy!" Spike took the hits, allowing her to let it all out, before he realized that she was only going to hurt herself. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, trying to calm her. "Pet, kitten, please… It's alright. It's gonna be alright."

Buffy stopped struggling and finally broke down. He legs gave out, and Spike gently lowered her to the ground as he kept her cradled in his arms. "I killed him… I killed him…" Her words were barely audible past her almost hysterical sobs.

Spike rocked her back and forwards. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Giles watching alongside Principal Wood. He noticed the Principal holding a stake in his hand, but the man let it drop to the ground.

Only then did Spike realize that it was raining heavily.

* * *

It was all a blur to Buffy.

She knew she hadn't been thinking straight when she'd climbed out her bedroom window, determined to fight a vampire and release all her suppressed anger.

_Not anger_, she corrected herself. _Pain_.

She'd wanted the pain to go away, and not just because of killing Ben. There was still the pain from seeing all that could've happened over the next seven years, and Buffy hadn't realized just how much it had been weighing her down, creeping up on her until she was too far gone to notice it.

She realized, to her horror, that she had left the house with no intention of returning home alive.

She found herself wrapped up in a familiar leather coat which smelt of smoke and blood, but she didn't really notice the scent. It was oddly comforting.

Spike carried her back to Giles's car, and he kept his arms around her the entire journey back to the school. She supposed going home in her state wasn't the best option. But then instead of them all getting out, only Principal Wood did. The man thanked Giles, gave Spike what appeared to be an apologetic look, before walking away.

Then Giles continued to his home.

"Come in, Spike." Buffy barely heard the words as they entered her Watcher's home. Spike was once again carrying her, trying to keep her as dry as possible as the rain continued to pour down. There was a clap of thunder in the distance.

Only when Spike had put her down on the couch did Buffy realize exactly what had happened. _Oh God, how am I gonna explain this to Giles? I can't tell him the truth; not after what just happened. I can't expose him to that pain, that suffering… And how am I gonna explain all this to Spike?_

Buffy just sat on the couch shivering until Spike came to her with a blanket. "Put this around you, pet. You gotta warm up."

"She needs to get out of her wet clothes, as well," Giles called from the kitchen.

"Only if you have anything for her to wear," Spike called back. When there came no reply, Spike rolled his eyes before taking his shirt off.

Buffy blushed and looked away from his well-toned chest. "I can't… I mean…"

"It's fine, luv," said Spike. He then turned around without another word, looking away from her.

The Slayer took this as her cue. She reluctantly removed Spike's coat, and seeing how wet it was, she placed it carefully on the floor. She then removed her own wet clothes but kept on her underwear, which wasn't as bad. Then, hesitantly, she pulled Spike's t-shirt over her head.

Like his coat, it smelt of smoke and blood. It was still oddly comforting. _His smell… Spike smell…_ Buffy didn't know what to think about that.

The shirt was long enough to cover her rear, which she was thankful for. "I'm decent now, Spike."

He turned, and she saw his eyes widened slightly at the sight of her wearing his shirt, before he picked up the blanket and gently wrapped it around her. She smiled in gratitude.

Giles then entered the room with a cup of hot chocolate, which he handed to Buffy. "Not too fast. It is still rather hot." Buffy nodded before taking a sip.

For the first five minutes, the three of them sat in silence. Giles was in a single armchair, watching Buffy carefully, while Spike was by her side. He didn't put an arm around her, but Buffy could see that he wanted to.

She knew something between them had changed tonight, but she didn't know what – or whether that change was for better or for worse.

_I know for certain now that he doesn't hate me_, she decided.

Giles was first to speak. "I understand that you are hurting, Buffy. I also understand that what happened tonight… It will not go away overnight, and it is not something you can easily recover from. Take as long as you need to open up, and when you are ready, we are here to listen."

Buffy caught the brief look of surprise from Spike. She herself would have pulled the same expression if she were not still recovering. While Giles had not made any attempts to kill Spike before (at least in reality; he tried in the memory), he had still made it clear on where he stood on the matter. The fact that he was allowing said vampire into his home and was referring to them both as a 'we'…

It was enough to make her speak up. "I wasn't completely honest with you about the dream. I saw much more than what I told you." She shot Spike a quick meaningful look which Giles missed; Spike gave her a similar one back, showing he understood what she was referring to.

"More?" Giles sent her a questioning look. "How much more?"

She sighed. "It was horrible. Ben… He was sharing his body with this powerful Hell-goddess named Glory."

"Hell-goddess?" asked Spike. But Buffy could see in his eyes that he already knew. _He must've guessed. I wouldn't be surprised_.

"That's the only way I could describe her," said Buffy. "I saw everything she would've done; she was gonna cause so much pain and suffering for us. We would've never been able to climb back to the way things were. We would never have been happy again. And not just to us; the world was different after her. Darker. I…I couldn't let that happen. It's my job to do everything in my power to protect the world, and I couldn't let this woman get away with what she was gonna do. The only way to stop her was to kill Ben, but… He was an innocent. He wanted to live his own life. He was only one person, and better the one than the many, but…" She sniffed, trying not to cry again.

Spike put an arm around her. "It's OK, pet."

"Buffy, you should have informed me of this," said Giles. He wasn't angry; she could see that he wanted to make things better.

"But I didn't want to burden anyone with that; killing an innocent so others may live," said Buffy. "Making the hard call is my job."

"It is also _my_ job, as well," said Giles. "I would have done it. If you had told me, I would have done it so you did not have to."

"Same here," said Spike. "I'm a vampire; I've killed innocents before. One more wouldn't have made a difference."

Buffy just shook her head. "It's done now. It's over. And I just wanna get on with my life."

_I really did get older today_, she realized. Listening to the rain outside, she realized that while she hadn't lost her virginity that night like she was supposed to have done, she'd still lost her innocence.


	11. Chapter Ten: Loose Ends

During her recovery time from the Ben incident, Buffy found herself making a 'Loose Ends' list with Spike's help. It didn't cover absolutely everything that was left from the memory; just the things that would happen for the rest of Junior year.

It also included the Mayor, for she knew that it was best to take him out sooner rather than later.

The first was the issue with Oz becoming a werewolf. She decided to try and stop it from happening altogether, for it was this which drove him and Willow apart, leaving her heartbroken. Of course, this meant Willow would never meet Tara, but Buffy had learnt to make the hard call. Tara was a lovely girl, and Buffy would help her.

But Tara was also the unwilling root of Willow's misusing dark magic; Buffy saw in the memory that Willow's power only started to really grow around Tara, which then led to dark magic, and then led to her turning dark completely after Tara's death. While Buffy planned to deal with Warren when the time came, she knew that anything could happen to Tara, and that anything could trigger Willow.

It was a hard call, but one Buffy had to make.

So when she conveniently placed herself with Oz alone, she randomly said, "You know what I learnt from having a cousin? They don't like to be tickled, especially when you sneak up on them to do it."

Oz didn't look at all taken aback by her words. _Wow, this guy really can't be surprised_.

"I guess that's sound advice. I'll keep that in mind when I visit mine this weekend," he said.

_That was easy. I just hope he remembers_. "So how are you and Willow doing?"

"We're good," he said with a nod. "I really like her. I think this might be one of those relationships where it gets serious."

"Have you done anything to show her that?" Buffy spoke up, recalling how Willow had begun to feel frustrated with him. "Because girls always need a sign from guys to show them that there's interest. Share your first kiss; that should be enough."

Oz just nodded. "You're good at giving advice. Have you thought about an advice column?"

"Nah, I think this is just a one off," Buffy admitted with a shrug. Barely minutes after leaving Oz, she ran into Xander. On a roll, she said outright, "You need to stop talking about Willow when you're with Cordelia."

"And that's a weird chunk of advice coming out of nowhere." Xander gave her a confused look. "What do you mean by that, Buff?"

"Girls don't like it when guys talk about other girls in front of them," said Buffy. "If you're gonna talk about any girl in the presence of your girlfriend, make sure it's the girlfriend herself."

"With Cordelia already talking about herself, that's gonna be a whole lot of Cordelia-talk," said Xander.

Buffy refrained from rolling her eyes. "You wanna make this work between you two? Then follow my advice. And when it comes to Willow's relationship with Oz, she can handle herself. OK?"

Xander still looked confused, but he didn't question her before he walked to his next class. Buffy sighed with relief. _I just need to talk to Cordelia. Oh, who am I kidding? She won't listen to me. I'll have a better chance with Larry. Maybe Spike could talk to her; strangely enough, she might listen to him_.

* * *

Spike waited by the door of the Bronze until Cordelia entered, and which point he placed himself in front of her. "Cordelia, isn't it?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Please don't suck my blood! I mean, I'm flattered that you think I'm pretty enough, but I'm sure you can suck the blood of a lesser student instead of the future Prom Queen."

"I'm not gonna suck your blood." Spike rolled his eyes. "I don't do that anymore. I just wanna talk, OK?"

Cordelia looked confused, but she nodded. "O…K…"

_Don't worry. I don't wanna talk to you, either. But Buffy asked me to, so I'm makin' good on that promise_. "So, you've been gettin' on well with…Xander, isn't it?"

"Did you really not know any of our names until you started hanging out with Buffy?" Cordelia asked.

"Didn't need to know anyone else." The vampire shrugged. "But as I was sayin'; you've been gettin' on well with the ponce, and you've been helpin' Buffy. You're happy, and I've noticed that. Don't try denyin' it; I'm very good at readin' people."

"Coming from a true _non_-person."

Spike ignored the comment. _I'm doin' this for Buffy_. "I'll cut to the chase. Your so called friends you call 'Cordettes' know about your supposedly secret relationship with Xander – and that's why you should _not_ dump him."

Cordelia's eyes widened. "But I'm ruined!"

"No, you're not," said Spike. "I learnt long ago that tryin' to be what others want you to be will just make you unhappy. You have to be yourself. And those girls you call your friends? A friend is someone who'll stand by you no matter what; true friends don't turn on you the minute you do something they don't like. I've been around for over a century, and believe me when I say that no one gives a damn 'bout who you were in high school; it's all about who you grow up to be. And while you'll be happy with friends and family who care about you, those little bitches you call mates will have no one. That boy Xander cares 'bout you, and I can see plain as day that you care 'bout him. So don't let a bunch of sluts get in the way of that."

He walked away, hoping it was enough. He was rewarded later by a smiling Buffy, who wordlessly pointed to where Xander and Cordelia were openly holding hands in front of the cheerleader's former mates.

* * *

Buffy still flipped Larry in gym class. She thought perhaps then, he'd listen to what she had to say to him.

She was able to get him alone in a surprisingly empty hallway, and when Larry saw her suddenly standing in front of him, he jumped. "Geez, Summers. Wear a bell, or something."

"Why so jumpy, Larry?" she asked.

"You flipped me over your shoulder like I was nothing," he said. "Excuse me for being a little nervous around you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that it, or is there something else? You've been hitting on girls _way_ too much lately, even for a guy. This can only go on for so long before other people begin to figure out the same thing I have."

His eyes widened, but then he seemed to calm down. He looked around to make sure there was no one else in hearing distance before he lowered his voice. "Alright. You want hush money, or something?"

"No money. I just wanna help," Buffy admitted. "There's nothing wrong with you; it's just who you are. Believe me; I know what it's like to hide part of yourself. I mean, I'm not like you, but I have my secrets. And I know the best way to deal with this is to talk about it with people who can relate."

He scoffed. "That's easy for you to say. You're nobody. I've got a reputation here. If this gets out, it's over for me. You can forget about me playing football; they'll run me out of this town."

"Please, I've seen things you wouldn't believe," said Buffy. "They wouldn't run you out of town because you're-"

"Gay? How are people gonna look at me after they find that out?"

"Then that's _their_ problem, not yours," said Buffy. "And it shouldn't give you an excuse to act like a complete ass around girls."

He paused, thinking. "I…I actually said it. And it felt…OK. I…am gay. I can't believe it; that was almost easy. I never felt like I could tell anyone."

Buffy nodded, glad that he was getting it out in the open. "It's exactly the way I felt with my secret. And you don't have to go announcing it to everyone just yet if you don't feel you're ready to. Just take it one step at a time; tell your family, tell your friends, and see how it goes. OK?"

He nodded, now smiling. "Yeah. Thanks, Summers! I owe you one!" He began to walk away, only to bump into a girl accidentally. The girl dropped her books, and Larry instantly bent down to pick them up. "Here, let me get those for you."

Buffy smiled as she watched him. _Now I just need to make sure he doesn't get eaten by a giant snake_.

* * *

It was late at night when Spike arrived outside the town hall. There were vampire minions surrounding the car of the Mayor. Without making a sound, Spike took care of the vamps. They were only just past the fledgling stage; barely a match for him. With them taken care off, Spike backed away into the shadows in order to wait for the Mayor to leave.

The Mayor walked out the building with a cheerful smile on his face, and Spike got a good whiff of him. The man was human, but he was covered in the scent of demon; he was immortal, and had done many dealings with all sorts. He was still human, though. But Spike had no problems with that, for he knew that this man had tried to get Buffy expelled from school.

The man had hired Principal Snyder for that very reason – meaning he had also hired Principal Wood, and Spike didn't need to guess why. _I killed the last Principal, so the bugger hired Wood in order to off me. What a wanker_.

The Mayor was about to get into his car when he noticed the lack of minions. He looked around curiously before he sighed. "It's so hard to find good evil minions these days."

"I hear you, mate," said Spike, stepping out from the shadows. "They can't think for themselves, and they make lousy guards. Of course, they also don't backstab you; they're too stupid for that." He took out a cigarette to light, determined to show the Mayor just how little he thought of him.

"Ah, I know you!" the Mayor greeted him. "You're Spike; William the Bloody! Now, you've become a problem."

_Does this guy ever stop smiling?_ "How so?"

"I'll admit; you were fun to watch at first," the Mayor admitted. "But then you had to go and eat Principal Snyder. That really put a damper on the following PTA meeting."

"The wanker showin' up instead would've done that," Spike commented. "So let me guess; you decide that you need to get rid of me, so the next Principal you hire just so happens to be a vampire hunter and the son of the second Slayer I killed. Coincidence? I think not, my dear Watson."

"You British were always so amusing with your references to literature," the Mayor commented. "That librarian's the same."

Spike rolled his eyes before crossing the gap between them. "Alright, I'm gettin' bored now. So I'll just make this quick; you tried to have Buffy expelled, and word on the street is that you're plannin' on havin' her killed. I can't let you do that."

"What are you going to do?" asked the Mayor. "Drink my blood?"

Spike shook his head, placing a hand on the immortal's shoulder. "I'm a veal kind of guy; you're too old to eat."

"I am?"

It barely took a second for Spike to snap his neck.

"But not to kill." He sighed. "I feel better."

* * *

"Do you see him?"

Spike and Buffy were stood in the middle of the children's ward at the hospital. The children were cowering under their covers, and Buffy knew they weren't afraid of the vampire stood by her side.

They were afraid of the demon which had killed her cousin years before.

The vampire focussed his attention on what appeared to be nothing, but Buffy knew he could see the demon in question. "Yeah, I see the bugger. Good thing you can't see him, Slayer; he's ugly."

"You need to kill it before he gets the kids," said Buffy.

Spike nodded before he leapt. The kids watched with wide eyes as the vampire wrestled with the demon, which looked odd from where Buffy stood; all she could see was Spike wrestling with thin air. But she knew the creature was there.

It didn't take long for Spike to snap the demon's neck, or at least that was what Buffy presumed he'd done.

"Show time's over, kiddies," said Spike, getting to his feet. He turned to Buffy. "We should go before the nurses get security up here."

Buffy nodded before she followed Spike out of the room.

* * *

"So you're saying that Coach Marin and Nurse Greenleigh are experimenting with this drug which turns humans into fish monsters?"

"Sounds crazy, but I've seen crazier," said Buffy. She was stood in Principal Wood's office, and had just told him about what the coach and nurse were planning for the boys' swim team. "And Slayer dreams are never wrong."

Wood nodded. "I'll have to launch a small investigation before I can fire them, but that shouldn't be hard. Thank you for telling me, Miss Summers."

"Happy I could help." Buffy was about to walk out from his office, but turned back to him when he rose from his seat.

"Miss Summers, I…" He sighed. "I would like to apologize for my initial hostility towards Spike. He's part of your mission, and my mother once said that only the mission matters."

"No, it's OK," she assured him. "You had every reason to act like that after what he did."

"He wanted to apologize to me," said Wood. "But said truthfully that no amount of apologies could make up for what he did. He's changed, and I see that now; I saw it on the night he saved you. He may have been a monster when he killed my mother, but that night I saw him become a man."

_I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man_. Buffy walked out of the office with those words echoing in her mind.

* * *

"I think it's interesting," said Willow, as she and Buffy walked into school one morning. "I mean, I know magic hasn't really led to anything good with us, but something in me says to go for it."

Buffy smiled. "Just be careful. I don't want you going power-mad."

"Don't worry, Buffy," Willow continued. "Miss Calendar promised to teach me only in small doses. She said that she isn't very powerful, but she knows her stuff. And Amy might join up with us sometimes, as well."

"So long as you don't do anything too big too soon," said Buffy.

Willow frowned. "You don't like it, do you? Giles was the same. He said that I could open a gate I may never be able to close, whatever that means."

"I'm cool with it; it's something you wanna do, and even if I didn't it's not my place to force you out of it," said Buffy. "I'm just asking you to be careful, is all." _I can't let you become what I saw. I just can't_.

Her friend nodded. "So have you heard anything from Angel? I mean, it's been months since he left."

"I'm beginning to think he's not coming back," Buffy admitted. "Maybe he realized this can't work; that he can't be around me without wanting me."

"But wouldn't he have told you?"

"It might have been too hard for him," explained Buffy. "If he came back he may lose control, and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

"You're taking this a lot easier than I thought you would," Willow admitted. "I mean, back on Halloween, you were like, 'Oh, Angel's the love of my life, and I can't live without him'. Now you don't really seem to care. No offence."

"None taken." Buffy sighed. "I had an epiphany that night; I barely even know Angel, and I really wasn't thinking about our relationship. I hoped that would change with some time apart, but it's just made me realize how immature I was about him. It was just my hormones in control; along comes a cute guy who's supposed to be the very thing I should kill, and I want him. But Angel and I are nothing compared to Giles and Miss Calendar."

"Love trumps lust."

Buffy nodded. "If Angel comes back, that's what I'll have to tell him. But I'm not looking forwards to it, which is why a selfish part of me is hoping he stays away."

"Which means you're on the boyfriend market once more," said Willow. "So you won't be attending the Sadie Hawkins dance coming up?"

"Probably not," said Buffy with a shrug. "I don't wanna just find myself a guy to hold onto because things didn't work out with Angel; I wanna meet someone and let it happen on its own."

"What about Spike?"

Buffy blinked in surprise before turning to her friend with a questioning look. "What about him?"

Willow paused alongside her. "OK, this is gonna sound crazy, since a few months ago he was trying to kill us and all, but I think Spike likes you. And I mean _likes you_, likes you."

"What?" It wasn't so unbelievable, given the memory. And Buffy knew that Spike didn't hate her anymore; the incident with Ben proved that. But going further than that? "You're pulling my leg."

"No I'm not; I've seen how he looks at you," Willow insisted. "And while I would prefer it that you find a boyfriend who isn't a vampire this time, I think it's sweet that he's turning genuinely good all on his own because he likes you."

_Just like in the memory, but that Buffy didn't see it until it was too late. And after that, she wasn't in a good condition to have a healthy relationship with him_. Buffy didn't know what to say, or how to react.

In the end she decided to wait and see.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Only You

Buffy knew she was dreaming.

She was standing in what appeared to be Victorian London, and for a moment she was unsure what was going on. But then she saw three familiar figures walking down the streets; Darla, Drusilla and Angel. Or rather Angelus, she realized; it was before he had gained his soul.

Then a man bumped into them, causing him to drop several pieces of paper. "Get out of my way!" he snapped at them, obviously sobbing. He hurriedly picked up the pieces of paper before running away. There was no denying who it was when he passed where Buffy was standing.

It was Spike – William Pratt.

Buffy recognized the memory; she was about to witness the night Drusilla had sired him.

The female vampire in question walked past her, and Buffy followed her to a lonely stable where Spike – William – was weeping. Watching him, Buffy found it hard to imagine how this emotional man became one of the most feared vampires in history. _He's so full of heart. I guess that never went away after he was turned_.

She watched as Drusilla approached him, saying that his gifts laid in his heart and in his mind. _She's right about that_. But then the vampire continued with implications of what she was about to do, and Buffy felt sick in the stomach.

Suddenly she felt the Slayer instinct kick in, and the need to protect Spike became too great. She looked around, searching for something she could use, before finding a rake and snapping it in half. Then she waited for the right moment.

The moment came when Spike's eyes widened. Drusilla had obviously turned into her vampire form, ready to sire him. Buffy walked over to them and drove the wood in her hands through the vampire's heart.

Drusilla turned to dust.

Spike backed away, his eyes wide, before he looked up and noticed her. "Buffy?"

_Wait, he shouldn't know my name? But then again, it's a dream; it's not supposed to make sense_. "Sorry," she apologized. "Slayer instincts. I couldn't watch her do that. Why didn't you run when you saw her face?"

"I really don't know," he said. His accent was an upper class British one, very much like Giles's, and he seemed to realize this as well. "Wait, why am I talking like this?"

"It sounds weird," Buffy admitted with a smirk.

Spike coughed, trying to get his usual accent back. "Hello? Hello? There, much better." He then took his glasses off and ruffed up his hair a little.

Buffy giggled. "So this is what you were like back then. And here I thought you've always been bad."

"Yeah, well…" Spike hesitantly looked away. "Poets were the rebels of the nineteenth century; the Victorian version of punk rockers."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that," said Buffy with a smile. "You, um…didn't seem to mind me staking Dru. I mean, I know that wasn't really her, but…"

Spike sighed. "She's long gone, pet. I don't think she was ever mine to begin with. I was loyal to her, I loved her, and I think she cared for me in her own way. But when it came down to it, she always belonged to Angelus. She was his masterpiece. When he wasn't with Darla, he'd use her for things I'd rather forget."

"And you accepted that?" Buffy didn't know what to say. Sure, she'd known it from the memory, but hearing Spike admit it…

"I was love's bitch," said Spike. "'Course I didn't like it, but I couldn't do anything 'bout it. I danced a ruddy jig when the great poof got himself a soul and vanished; I had Dru all to myself, but she always pinned for Angel. I was so sure I was in her good books after that run in with the mob in Prague, and she had to rely on me."

"And then she died."

Spike nodded. "I was so…broken after she was gone. But now that I think about it…only a small part of that was 'cause of Dru. Most of it was 'cause of what I saw, and I hated that it was. No matter how hard I tried, those images of you in pain wouldn't leave me, and I found myself carin' 'bout what would happen to you. I wanted to kill you for it; I thought that if I killed you, they'd all go away. But I couldn't do it. So I told myself that it was meant to be; that in showin' me the memories, Dru was tellin' me to help you. But even if I didn't come to that conclusion, I think I would've started to help you anyway."

"Why?"

He shook his head. "Took me a while to figure it out, but… Something stirred when you hesitated to kill me; it happened twice after that, when you spared Dru that time and when I killed that troll you called a Principal. It didn't stir again until I saw you that night, when you were gonna go kill your mum's stalker robot guy. I couldn't kill you; the thought barely crossed my mind. Helpin' you felt so natural… A small part of me was disgusted, but I guess that was just my way of hidin'."

"Hiding?" Buffy questioned.

"From the truth." Spike sighed. "I'm startin' to turn into the Spike we both saw in the memory; the one who fought against his demon and won. And for many nights now, I've been seein' one memory in particular – Dru and I in South America. It's the one where she said I was covered in you; whenever she looked at me, all she saw was you."

Buffy froze. _Those words…the flashback… That was when he started loving me in the memory… _She kept reminding herself that this was only a dream and not the real Spike, but…

Spike stepped forwards, crossing the gap between them, before he cautiously placed his lips upon hers.

It wasn't fuelled with passion like it had been in Spike's dream sequence; this kiss was soft and tender, like he was uncertain of how she would respond. Buffy surprised herself when she kissed him back.

When Spike stopped the kiss, he pressed his forehead against hers. "Buffy, I love you. God, I love you so much. I don't want this dream to end. I know this isn't really you; otherwise you'd be pushin' me away, and…"

Once again, Buffy froze. Her eyes widened as she pulled away, staring at him. She remembered what had happened between her and Angel in the memory, and how they had been able to share dreams…

"This…this is _your_ dream? I thought this was _my_ dream."

Spike stared at her too, eyes equally as wide. "You mean…we're sharin'… Oh God, no…"

And then Buffy was awake, lying in her own bed. _He loves me… Spike loves me…_

* * *

Spike sat upright, awaking from the dream he had unwittingly shared with Buffy.

"Please, no…"

He had shared a dream with Buffy – and had told her that he loved her.

The vampire hoisted himself out of the bed before he hurried through the mansion and into the room where he kept his blood.

He took out a packet, ripped it open and gulped it all down. _Oh God, what have I done? I should've known…somehow. Oh, who am I kiddin'? How could I have known she was actually there in my dream? It's not like she said anything; she thought it was hers…_

And that was the one thing which refused to leave his mind. Buffy had been there in the dream for real, but when he had kissed her, she hadn't run. She hadn't pushed him away, or said he was beneath her.

She had kissed him back.

_But she thought it was just a dream, too. People do things in dreams they would never do in real life_. But the thought that kissing him was some fantasy of hers still confused him. _Soddin' hell, I've messed things up now_.

They were friends; partners in battle. They were a team. Spike was content to just be with her without becoming lovers. But with this revelation, he knew things would be awkward between them. Things would be different, and there was simply no denying it. They wouldn't be able to forget that it never happened.

_I'll have to tell her to forget it; that I never expected her to love me back_. Spike knew there was no chance she ever would.

Buffy had told him about Angel; she'd explained how, after finding the clause in the curse, he had gone away to see if things could work between them without the need for sex. She'd then gone on to explain how Angel being away had made her realize that she didn't love him; that all she had felt was her teenage hormones which she had mistaken for love.

_I can't put her through that. She deserves to love a real man, not some monster_. He knew he had to tell her that, and decided to on their next patrol.

* * *

Buffy didn't tell anyone about the dream. She knew what it was and knew what it meant, and didn't want her friends to know about what was going on between her and Spike.

The group seemed to be OK with him, unlike in the memory. Her mother had invited him in one evening and they had bonded over their love of the TV show _Passions_, while the vampire had earned Brian's respect ever since the thing with Ted. And of course, he had earned Giles's trust since the incident with Ben, which had subsequently led to receiving approval from Jenny.

Willow already suspected and seemed fine with it, and Buffy guessed that Oz would be no different. Cordelia and Xander would have been the hardest to convince, but Spike was still in their good books after what had happened to Principal Snyder, and added to that was the knowledge that they possibly wouldn't be together without his advice.

Buffy wondered if any of that would change if they knew that Spike was in love with her – and that she was debating whether or not she loved him back.

The idea of loving Spike wasn't as weird or horrifying as it had first been, back when she had first seen the memories of that geek on Halloween. Sure, she had been sympathetic towards him, but she hadn't loved him.

The Buffy in the memory had used him, and it made her feel guilty. Spike had done nothing but love her, and not only had she used him to get over her depression, but everything she'd put him through had convinced him that she could never love him back. Even when she told him she loved him, he didn't believe her – right when he was sacrificing himself for her.

He had done wrong, too; she didn't deny that. He wasn't a saint. But it had been mostly her fault. Spike had just reacted in kind.

_The heartbreak with Angel did that_, she realized. _I couldn't bring myself to accept his love because that would mean…_

That Angel never truly loved her – for he needed a soul to do it.

Spike didn't.

Buffy debated the topic of love all day at school, trying to figure out what it was and how to explain it.

_With Angel, that wasn't love. It was lust, want and need. I know that now…because compared to this – what I feel right now – it was nothing_.

She wanted to be with Spike, but not in a needy way. She didn't want to kiss him repeatedly and drag him into her bed like she had wanted to do with Angel. With Spike, she just wanted to be with him. Hold him. Fight alongside him. Talk with him. Sit next to him.

Time apart wasn't spent longing to be by his side again like an unhealthy obsession; she would think about him, but was willing to wait until she saw him again, because the wait was worth it.

_That_ was love – _true_ love.

_Could it be that my soul mate is a vampire without said soul? _

But after all this thought, she still didn't know what to say to him when she met him that night for patrol. They greeted each other awkwardly, both knowing about the shared dream and what it must have meant.

"Hey."

Spike dropped his cigarette to the ground and pressed it out. "Hey."

There was an awkward silence.

"We need to sort out that paranormal activity going on at the school," said Buffy. It wasn't long before the Sadie Hawkins dance, and she knew the ghosts of the student and teacher would soon show up. She wanted them to possess her and Spike – like they had possessed herself and Angel in the memory – so no one got hurt.

The vampire nodded, obviously recalling the memory himself and understanding what she wanted to do. "Shall we go, then?"

Buffy nodded, and they were on their way.

She wanted to say something; she truly did. But she couldn't think of a way to start a conversation with him. They needed to talk – but at the same time, they didn't want to.

The school was empty when they got there. Buffy had warned Principal Wood about the supposed hauntings, and had asked him to make sure the school was clear late at night. He had agreed to it; the man had become used to giving out unusual orders with little explanation.

Finally it was Buffy who spoke first. "Spike…about last night…"

He turned to her. "I didn't know you were… Buffy, if you're disgusted by what I said-"

"I'm not," she interrupted. "I was surprised, but I wasn't disgusted. Why would I be?"

"'Cause we didn't exactly start out on good terms, pet," Spike explained. "We may be friends now, but I still don't have a soul."

"But the lack of soul doesn't stop you from loving," Buffy insisted. "The soul's got nothing to do with what you feel. You know that; we both saw."

"What I saw was a demon who didn't know how to love right. I won't do that to you, pet," said Spike. "You're a Slayer, and I'm a vampire. Hell, I'm more than a vampire; they call me the _Slayer_ of Slayers. I love you, Buffy – and that's why I can't do that to you. I _won't_."

Before Buffy could say anything on her own free will, something suddenly overcame her and she found herself saying instead, "You're the only one; the only person I can talk to. You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over."

Spike likewise felt the same sensation, and he said, "I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that; don't you see?"

"I don't give a _damn_ about a normal life!" Buffy yelled. "I'm going crazy not seeing you! I think about you every minute."

"I know. But it's over. It has to be!" Spike turned and began to walk away.

Buffy chased after him. "Come back here! We're not finished!" She grabbed him by the arm, turning him towards her. "You don't care anymore; is that it?!"

"I doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what I feel!" Spike yelled.

Tears in her eyes, Buffy screamed back, "Then tell me you don't love me! _Say it!_"

"Is that what you need to hear?" Spike questioned, tears in his own eyes. "Will that help? I don't. I don't, now let me go." He yanked his arm from her grip.

"No! A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody!" Buffy took out a gun and pointed it at him. Spike's eyes widened as he backed away. "Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I swear! If I can't be with you…"

"Oh my God." Spike turned and ran.

"Don't walk away from me, bitch!" Buffy yelled after him. But Spike started running, heading outside. Buffy chased after him. "Stop it! Stop it, don't make me!"

They both froze outside, Buffy still pointing the gun at Spike.

His back was to her. "Alright…just…" He turned around. "You know you don't wanna do this. Let's both…just calm down." He held his hand out. "Now give me the gun."

Buffy shook her head. "Don't… Don't do that, dammit! Don't talk to me like I'm just some stupid-"

A gunshot sounded.

Spike looked down at his chest; there was blood coming out of it, and the sight of it made his eyes widen in disbelief. "James…" It was all he was able to say before he fell off the balcony, plummeting to the steps below.

Buffy stared in shock at what she had just done before she turned away slowly, making for the music room.

She didn't notice Spike's eyes open at the bottom of the steps.

Upon arriving in the music room, Buffy walked over to the old record player and turned it on. The song '_I Only Have Eyes For You_' began to play as Buffy turned to look in the mirror. Instead of her reflection, she saw the familiar boy from the 1950s, looking absolutely distraught.

Buffy began to raise the gun to her head.

But then a hand placed itself on the gun, stopping her. She turned and found Spike standing there. "Grace?"

"Don't do this," he said.

Buffy looked at him in shock. "But I killed you."

"It was an accident," he assured her. "It wasn't your fault."

Buffy began to furiously shake her head. "But it _is_ my fault! How could-?"

Spike placed a finger on her lips. "I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I loved you with my last breath." He placed a tender hand on her cheek. "No more tears."

They kissed. A bright light appeared above them, and the restless spirits of the student and the teacher left their bodies, departing into the next life.

It took a few moments for the pair to realize that they were kissing on their own free will, and when they did they pulled away hesitantly.

"Well…" said Spike, trying to break the tension. "That was…dramatic."

"To think that Angel and I were like that." Buffy then looked down and saw the bullet wound. "Oh, God! Spike!"

Spike looked down as well. "I'm fine, Buffy. Bullets can't kill vampires, remember?"

"But it still hurts, I bet," she said. "Come on; let's get you back to my house."

She helped him out of the school and all the way back to her home. Neither of them spoke to one another along the way, instead choosing to reflect upon what had just happened.

Buffy was thankful that James had chosen her, like he had in the memory. _What I was talking about with Spike seemed to help with that decision_.

The house was dark when they came in. "Where's your mum?" asked Spike.

"She's at Brian's for the evening," said Buffy. "She won't be back until late – if she comes back _at all_." She smirked.

Spike chuckled as Buffy helped him up the stairs to her room.

She helped him sit down on the bed. "I'm gonna get the first aid kit. Take your shirt off." She then hurried into the bathroom to fetch what she needed.

When she came back, Spike's shirt was off – once again revealing his well-toned chest.

Buffy surprised herself in not being affected by the sight. Not because she didn't find him attractive; she did. She was just more worried about the bullet wound and how it was causing him pain. _Another example of how love trumps lust_.

"It's not that bad," Spike insisted. "It'll be gone by morning."

Buffy turned to get some bandages out of the kit. "Still, I wanna make sure it does. We can't have you all wounded for tomorrow night's…" But when she turned back, the bullet wound had vanished, "…patrol."

Spike looked equally as shocked. "How did…?"

"I…guess since the gun wasn't real, the bullet wasn't, either," said Buffy. "It must've only taken this long for it to disappear." The Slayer sat down next to him, before she slowly placed her hand on the patch of skin where the wound had been.

Spike laid his hand upon hers. "Buffy…about what I said…"

"I know you don't want to hurt me," she said. "But I have something I want to tell you; I just couldn't find the right words until now. I hesitated that night on Halloween because seeing all those memories opened my eyes; I saw a new perspective on things."

"And that made you spare me?"

"I still could've killed you then," Buffy admitted. "I could've decided not to risk letting you live, but I didn't. I saw that you could be a better man, instead of just a monster. So I pulled back; I didn't kill you. Since then everything's just been falling into place, the same way it has for you. You should know why I didn't run from you, or hit you when you told me that you love me – it's because I love you, too."

Spike's eyes widened. "You…you actually… But Angel…"

"Whatever I had with Angel wasn't love; I only thought it was," said Buffy. "I guess that's one of the reasons I told him to leave. I wanted to find out what love was, and now I know. Angel was nothing compared to what I feel for you. I got to know you, I accept you for you who are, and I know that while you don't have a soul, you love me regardless. Love isn't about wanting, or needing; it's about having, and being. I want to be with you, Spike."

He was still staring at her, unsure whether to believe her or not. "You're right; that's what love's all about. It's not about thinkin'; it's about feelin'. But you have to give it _some_ thought, of course. I never had a reputation for bein' a thinker. I always followed my blood, which never ran in the direction of my brain. So yeah, I've made a lot of mistakes, and a lot of wrong bloody calls. But in the hundred plus years I've been around, you're the only thing I've ever been sure of."

She smiled, knowing why those words sounded familiar. "I haven't been around for as long as you have, but now I know I'm just as certain when it comes to you."

"Love isn't about askin' anyone for anything." Spike placed a hand on her cheek. "When I say 'I love you', it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothin' to do with me; I love what you _are_, what you do, and how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength, I've seen the best and worst of you…and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're the one, Buffy."

_I definitely know those words_. She mirrored his hand by placing her own upon his cheek. "And I love what _you_ are, what _you_ do, and how _you_ try. I've seen _your_ kindness and strength, the best and the worst of you…" She leaned in and placed a light kiss on his lips. "You're _my_ one, Spike."

They kissed again, which began to grow into more. It was nothing like the wanting kisses Buffy had experienced with Angel; kissing Spike was like something she couldn't describe.

It felt _right_.

"Buffy, maybe we shouldn't…"

But Buffy shook her head. She knew what had happened with Angel in the memory had led to disastrous consequences, but this was different. It felt real, and she knew that it was more than simply getting intimate. It went far deeper than that.

"Just kiss me."

And so, that night, they made love.


	13. Chapter Twelve: Out in the Open

Buffy never questioned whether or not Spike would be there when she woke up; she knew he would be, and she was right.

They were both lying in her bed, nestled together intimately. Buffy awoke to the wonderful sensation of her head on his chest and his arms around her, holding her close, just like she was doing with him.

She smiled. _Definitely won't regret that_.

Her fingers gently trailed the length of his face, and while it was the faintest of touches, it was enough to rouse Spike from his sleep. His eyes opened, and he smiled when he saw her. "Mornin', pet."

"Morning." She smiled back. "Sorry I woke you."

"No need to apologize," he said, placing a kiss on her forehead. "So long as you continue to be the first thing I see when I wake up. Absolutely gorgeous."

He pressed his lips against her own and they kissed, soft and tender. There was no burning passion behind it or any need to re-enact what had happened the night before; it didn't need to be any of this. The kiss was still deep and laced with meaning, as all of their kisses were becoming, Buffy realized.

Buffy pulled away before she turned to look at her alarm clock. "Not as late as I thought it was, but I still need to get up for school."

She turned back to Spike, who was still smiling at her. "I know." He tenderly laced his fingers through her hair as their foreheads met in a gentle touch. Buffy closed her eyes, bathing in the feeling of him being there with her.

"Buffy?"

Her eyes snapped open. "Mum!" She quickly pulled the covers from Spike, and after muttering, "Sorry about this," in his ear, she pushed him off the bed. He fell and not-so-gracefully hit the floor with a thud.

She wasn't ashamed of being seen with him – she just didn't want Joyce Summers discovering that her seventeen-year-old daughter had lost her virginity to a vampire who had once been her enemy.

Joyce opened the door only moments after Spike had disappeared behind the bed. "Morning, Buffy."

"Morning," Buffy mumbled back. _God, I hope she doesn't take one step further; she'll see him…_

"How was patrol?" asked Joyce. "I presumed you were asleep when I got in last night."

Buffy nodded. "It was good. No vamps, but we had an encounter with ghosts. It was kinda creepy."

Joyce nodded…before she looked over at the other side of the bed. "Morning to you too, Spike."

Buffy's eyes widened as Spike hesitantly sat up, trying to avoid eye contact with the elder Summers woman. "Mornin'…Mrs. Summers."

"Mum, how did you-?"

"I'm your mother, Buffy," said Joyce. "You may have been able to hide that you're the Slayer from me, but you can never hide a boy in your room. And just so you know, Angel can't fit in your closet very well."

_She knew about that last year?_ "You never said anything about that!"

"I wasn't sure _what_ to say," Joyce admitted. "Will Spike be going home this morning?"

"He can't walk around in sunlight," Buffy reminded her. "Vampire, remember?"

Joyce nodded. "Then he can help me with the house cleaning today. Will that be alright, Spike?" Buffy could see the look in her mother's eyes; she was daring Spike to challenge her after he'd taken her only daughter's virginity.

Spike continued to avoid eye contact with her as he replied, "Yes, Mum."

Buffy tried to hide her amusement; it was funny watching a once notorious vampire cower under the gaze of her usually sweet-natured mother.

Joyce's gaze returned to Buffy. "Put something on and come down the stairs. We need to have the talk."

_Damn, the dreaded talk…_ Buffy bit her lip before she sighed. "Sure. I'll be down in a minute."

Her mother left the room, leaving Buffy and Spike alone.

"Are we in trouble, pet?" asked Spike.

Buffy wasn't sure. Her mother didn't look as angry or shocked as she had been in the memory, which she supposed was a good thing. "Probably not as much as we think we are. I mean, I'm not eighteen yet which is one point, and I never mentioned that I was dating you. I think it's always awkward for a mum to find out their daughter had their first time with someone."

"Understood." He rose to his feet and crossed the room to where his clothes had been tossed the night before.

Buffy changed into a loose pair of pyjamas before hesitantly walking down the stairs to her waiting mother. Joyce was sat at the breakfast bar, and Buffy took a seat next to her.

"First off, you're not in trouble," Joyce began. "I like Spike, and having a relationship with him does have its perks; he can't get you pregnant and there's no worry of STDs. But above that, he's a dear."

Buffy didn't know what to say other than, "So you approve?"

Joyce nodded. "Now for the hard parts. I did research what 'The Talk' usually consisted of, so hopefully I won't get this wrong. Was he your first?"

"Yes." Buffy didn't have a memory of her and Angel doing it; only brief glimpses, since the TV show obviously wasn't rated for porn. Of course it hadn't happened to _her_ anyway, which she was glad of – and not because Angel would have lost his soul. "And if things go well, he'll be my only."

"I sure hope so," said Joyce. "I should mention that he's _way_ too old for you, but I won't bother. And while he wasn't stable when we first met him, he seems stable now."

Buffy tried not to laugh. "Mum, you hit him with an _axe_ when you first met him."

"And I think that did some good; he's obviously afraid of me."

"Mum!"

Joyce laughed. "All I can tell you now is be careful, and more importantly, be happy. If you love him, then you have my happiness and blessings."

"I love him," said Buffy. "He showed me what love is, and I think I did the same for him."

* * *

When Buffy walked down the stairs half an hour later, ready for school, she found Spike waiting for her at the bottom. He was pale, even for a vampire – meaning that her mother had already had words with him.

"You look like a cat that's just walked past an army of Great Danes," she commented with a grin.

"I'm gonna be frank, pet," said the vampire when she reached him. "Is your mum a retired Slayer?"

Buffy shrugged. "If she is, she never told me."

"I'm a soddin' master vampire, and half an hour with your mum scared the bloody crap outta me," Spike admitted. "She's the single scariest woman I've ever met – and that's why I like her."

The Slayer wasn't surprised, considering he had become genuinely fond of Joyce in the memory, even when he was still evil. "Well, I hope you're brave enough to endure a full day of what she just put you through. And believe me; she can drag her 'mum torture' for hours."

If it was possible, Spike paled further. "You sure I can't come to school with you, pet?"

Buffy almost laughed. "What, so you can become Spike the Teenage Walking Flame? Yeah, _so_ not happening – at least until we uncover the Gem of Amara."

"I still can't believe that thing's real," Spike mused.

"It is, and when we find it, I'm super-gluing it to your finger," said Buffy with a firm nod. "After school I'm gonna ask Giles to help me locate it. Speaking of… If you can find your way to the school through the sewers, I want you to be there. After school, I mean."

"Why's that?"

She sighed. "I'm gonna tell them about us."

His eyes widened. "Are you sure that won't result in them stakin' me?"

"Hey, they actually seem to _like_ you now," said Buffy. "And it wouldn't matter if they didn't; you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm not about to hide our relationship because people might not approve."

He sent her a warm smile before tenderly reaching out and tucking a stray hair behind her ear. His hand lingered, and Buffy pressed her cheek against it. "I still can't believe this, you know? I keep thinkin' I'll wake up and find this was just a dream. Wouldn't you be happier with a normal guy?"

"No, because _you're_ not a normal guy, and normal guys are boring," she insisted. "Normal guys a part of a normal life, and I gave up hope of having one of those long ago. Think about it; the only reason Xander's still alive is because of _luck_. If I tried to bring a normal boy into this mess, he'd be dead long before the three-month serious relationship mark. And if he wasn't, he'd eventually grow to resent me; guys hate it when girls come to their rescue, which is what I would be doing constantly with one. I'm the Slayer; I could never settle down with a normal guy."

_Riley, from what I saw, proved that. He couldn't deal that the Buffy in the memory was tougher than him, and that she – I – rarely needed saving_.

"I like that you're tough," said Spike. "I would never have a problem with you savin' me."

"And that makes you one in a million." She placed a kiss on his cheek.

He pulled her in close, their foreheads touching. "But what about children? That's something I can never give you."

"Yeah, but do you really think bringing a child into our world is a good idea?" _It was apparently bad enough with Dawn_. "And even if our lives calmed down enough for us to manage it, there's a little something called 'adoption'."

"You'd make a great mum."

"And you'd be one of those fun dads who all the other parents call 'a bad influence'."

Spike chuckled before their lips met.

They hadn't been kissing for long when Joyce walked by. She didn't even turn to acknowledge them but as she passed she said, without breaking stride, "You'll be late for school, Buffy."

Buffy and Spike pulled away, embarrassed. As they watched her mother disappear around the corner, Spike commented, "I swear, that woman's gonna be the soddin' second-death of me. Six hours with her is too long."

That time Buffy _did_ laugh.

* * *

The day couldn't have gone any longer, and when Buffy finally found herself in the library with her friends, she had figured out exactly what she was going to say and how she was going to say it. _So I guess it being a long day helped. _

_First thing's first, though_. "Giles, we need to find and uncover the Gem of Amara."

Her Watcher blinked in surprise. "The Gem of Amara? I thought that was only a myth among vampires."

"So did I, until I had one of my Slayer dreams about it," said Buffy. "Spike filled me in on some of the details; it's supposed to reside in the Valley of the Sun, and since we live in a town called Sunnydale…"

"Then it must be here," said Jenny.

Buffy nodded. "It's underground somewhere; I don't know where abouts, but I'm sure we can pinpoint its location. Then once it's found we give it to Spike, which…is something else I wanna talk to you all about."

"What's that, Buffy?" But even as she asked this, Willow was smiling. Buffy saw that her friend suspected what she was about to confess.

Buffy sighed. "Something happened last night. I won't go into the full version as it's not that important, but…it led to things…happening between us… You know what? I'm just gonna come right out and say it; Spike and I are a couple"

The room fell so quiet that if a pin dropped, it would be heard. The group stared at Buffy for what felt like minutes.

"You…you love him?" asked Giles.

"I know it may be hard to believe, but yes," said Buffy.

"What about Angel?" asked Cordelia.

"Wasn't meant to be, I guess." Buffy shrugged. "Angel was my high school crush; something which wasn't love and wasn't meant to last. Spike is real."

"And that's a bundle of feelings which have come flying in out of nowhere," Xander commented. "Buff, this guy tried to _kill_ you last year. I mean, sure, he's on our side now, but letting him help us and falling in love with him are two completely different things."

"Well, Xander, it goes a little something like this; when two people spend time together in the workplace, feelings develop," said Buffy. "And please don't bring up the whole 'he's a demon with no soul, so he can't love me' argument; you all know that's not true when it comes to Spike."

"You said that he loved Drusilla for over a century," Jenny pointed out.

"Exactly." Buffy rose to her feet. "I told you all because I don't wanna hide our relationship; I'm not ashamed to be with him. If anyone has a problem with that, it remains _your_ problem, and you keep it to yourself. Opinions; one at a time."

Willow was first. "I said before that he _likes you_, likes you, Buffy. I was already OK with it."

Oz just shrugged. "I see what I see; I can see that he loves you and you love him."

"He's handsome," said Cordelia. "So I don't blame you for jumping him."

Xander raised his hands in defence. "I'll admit that this is gonna take some getting used to, but if there's one positive thing I can say, it's that I prefer him over Angel. Oh, and he killed Snyder – which is _two_ positive things. Which is better, I suppose."

"As long as you two have made the mature decision, and have both thought it through, then I see no reason to oppose," said Jenny.

Buffy looked at Giles hopefully.

He sighed. "I'll be honest, Buffy; I approved of him on the night of your birthday. And while I cannot say that he would have been my first choice for you, I will not deny that I have never seen you happier. You are practically glowing."

"Glowing?" Willow smirked. "Does that mean you two…you know…?"

Buffy's blush confirmed it.

"Well, nice to know I'm not gettin' staked anytime soon."

Everyone turned to see Spike standing by the door.

"OK, I have to ask," Xander spoke up. "Is it something about your linage which gives you the power to sneak up on people like Batman?"

"I was doin' it long before the Dark Knight," said Spike. He crossed the room and placed his arms around Buffy. She responded by leaning into his chest, letting him kiss the top of her head.

"Spike," Giles spoke up, "while I approve of this, I must say that if you do anything to hurt her-"

"I know, I know," said the vampire. "Joyce already gave me the 'you break her heart, I'll break your legs' talk. Believe me, if I hurt Buffy not only will I let you both torture me, I'll dust myself after."

"Good. Then we're on the same page." Giles sighed. "So about the Gem of Amara…"

* * *

The week leading up to the Sadie Hawkins Dance was spent locating the Gem and digging it up. So by the time Spike escorted Buffy to the dance, he was wearing the ring on his finger and Buffy was at ease that nothing could hurt him.

Since the dance was only a casual one, both Buffy and Spike didn't dress up for it. They talked with their friends, had a few dances, and when they left the pair did a quick patrol of the area.

It was late when they came to a halt outside Buffy's home, hand in hand.

"I would invite you in, but… I don't want this to become that obsessive love where we can't stand not seeing each other," Buffy admitted. "We have to spend some nights apart to keep it healthy. You understand, right?"

"Of course I do, luv," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

She nodded with a smile, and they shared a kiss goodnight. And for that one moment, everything was perfect.

Which made it all the more shattering when she arrived in her room and found an unwelcome visitor waiting for her.

Angel smiled. "I'm back."


	14. Chapter Thirteen: The Return

The first thought that crossed Buffy's mind was that yes, Angel showing up in her room without an invite really was creepy.

"Angel." She knew it was just her luck. Her life was finally going right; all the major problems had been solved, her family and friends were happy, and above all, she and Spike were happy together. _So of course Angel just had to show up and ruin everything_.

"Buffy." He took a step towards her, intending to either hug her or kiss her. It didn't really matter either way; Buffy still took a hesitant step back, reluctant to let him anywhere near her.

_I'm Spike's girl now. Wow, there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear myself say…_

Angel noticed her hesitation, and frowned. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She realized she'd replied a little too quickly, which only made the vampire before her frown more. "It's just… You're back, and… You've been gone for a long time."

"I know. You told me not to return until I knew I could be with you without…" He didn't need to say the word; they both knew what he meant.

Buffy nodded, her thoughts travelling hundreds of miles per hour in her head. _Should I tell him now? And if I do, what is it I should tell him? Should I just say that my feelings weren't what I thought they were? Should I tell him about Spike? No…no, he might stake him, and if he does…_

"Buffy?"

_Shit. Can't faze out_. "I'm sorry. It's just… Can you give me a minute?"

"Sure."

Buffy went to step around him so she could sit on her bed, and he moved aside – but not as much as she would've liked. She sat down on the bed, averting her gaze to the floor. When she sensed Angel wanting to sit down next to her, she moved away a little in order to send him a clear message. He understood and remained standing.

"A lot of stuff's been happening," she said, after what felt like minutes.

"Like what?" he asked.

Buffy sighed. "Mum has a boyfriend; his name's Brian. He's nice. Giles and Jenny are a thing, Willow met a boy called Oz, and Xander's dating Cordelia." Angel raised an eyebrow at the last one, but didn't comment. "Snyder kicked the bucket, although no one really misses him."

"How'd he die?"

"Spike."

Angel frowned. "Is Spike still around?"

"I'm getting to that." Buffy continued, "Do you remember when I died that time? Turns out, another Slayer was called; her name's Kendra. She's from Jamaica. She's back there now, but she came her because her Watcher sensed a dark power about to rise in Sunnydale; Drusilla."

"Oh." He looked away awkwardly, and Buffy didn't have to guess why; he'd sired Drusilla, after all. "Did she…?"

"Rise? No. She lost her strength and died," said Buffy. "And Spike… Well, we didn't see him for some time until he turned up one night. The thing is…before Drusilla died, she did something to Spike. For some reason she told him to help me; a message from the Powers That Be, or something like that. I didn't really think about it too much because, at the time I was too focussed on destroying a robot who was stalking my mother."

"Spike showed up and you didn't stake him?" questioned Angel. "Buffy, he's dangerous. He could've killed you."

"I knew he wouldn't." She gave her ex-love a raised eyebrow. "And _that's_ what you're interesting in? Did you not hear me mention the robot stalker?"

"Hellmouth. Seen weirder."

She realized he had a point there. "We got a new Principal; Robin Wood. His mother was Nikki Wood; the Slayer Spike killed."

"So _he_ dusted Spike?"

"Angel, please let me finish." It took all of her willpower not to snap at him. "He wanted to kill Spike at first, but things happened and they seem to grudgingly respect one another."

"Spike's still around?!"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Angel, please. Other stuff happened, and Spike helped me whenever I needed it. We kinda developed this weird friendship. The loss of Drusilla really affected him, and he wanted to fulfil her last request. I also don't think he wanted to be alone, so he decided to stick around. Then one night on my birthday… Something happened which I don't want to talk about again. So don't ask."

"Buffy…" His hand reached out, and Buffy instinctively pulled away.

"I said don't ask; I don't need sympathy." She ignored his 'kicked-puppy' look. It was one she had fallen for all the time, but she'd developed and immunity to it over the past few months. "Basically, if it wasn't for Spike and Giles – mainly Spike – I wouldn't be here right now."

"You almost…" He shook his head. "I should never have left. It's obvious you needed me here."

"No, I didn't," said Buffy. _God, did I really fall for this guy? Does he really think I can't do anything by myself?_ "You know as well as I do that we both needed that time apart. I'm alive, you're alive – well, sorta – so it doesn't matter what happened. And I don't want you dusting Spike just because he annoys you; he's helping me now, and two vamps on the team are better than one." _Even though I'm secretly hoping you run off to LA. After seeing everything you did, I don't think I can be around you_.

Angel, of course, wasn't backing down. "He doesn't have a soul."

"That doesn't matter with him," said Buffy. "You of all people should know that he's not the usual run-of-the-mill vampire. He feels emotions, and he has honour – both of which make him more of a man than some humans. He stayed by Drusilla's side for over a century, which is more than what you did for her – and _you_ were the one who drove her insane to begin with."

She could see that Angel wanted to argue, but that last point shut him up about the topic of Spike. "Fine. But I'm confused; I thought you'd be happy to see me. Instead you're…"

"Not?" _Boy, is that the understatement of the century_. "I didn't realize you'd be gone for that long," she lied. "I just…I just need some time, that's all. Maybe you could come by tomorrow night when I'm more prepared?" _By then I'll have down everything I want to say – and I would have made sure the Gem of Amara is super-glued to Spike's finger_.

For a moment it looked like Angel would refuse her request. But then he looked away and nodded. "Alright. I surprised you; I can understand that. I'll stop by tomorrow night."

Buffy looked away, knowing he would let himself out through her window. _Will nothing in my life ever go right?_ She made sure Angel wasn't lurking outside before she lay down in her bed, already planning what she was going to do the next night.

She wished Spike was with her, assuring her that everything would be fine.

* * *

Buffy woke up late the next morning and had to rush in order to get to school on time. _Why was the dance not on a Friday night? Dances are usually on Fridays_. As a result, she was unable to get to the mansion in order to see Spike. _I hope Angel doesn't decide to try and visit him_.

Class had already started by the time Buffy finally arrived at the school, meaning she was unable to tell anyone about her surprise visitor until free period, when everyone was gathered in the library.

Giles noticed immediately that something was wrong. "Buffy, are you well? You look worried."

"I have reason to," she said. "Angel showed up in my room last night."

Everyone stared at her in shock.

"So I guess he really _did_ come back, huh?" said Willow.

"Did you tell him about…well, you know?" asked Cordelia.

Buffy shook her head. "I gave him an update on everything else that's been happening. I had to get him out of my sight, so I told him we'd talk again tonight. He implied that he can handle the relationship now, and he wants to continue right where we left off; I can see it in his eyes. What do I tell him?"

"The truth," said Jenny. "If he really feels he can handle a relationship with you, that means he shouldn't react badly."

"But he _hates_ Spike; he's gonna be pissed off whether I like it or not," Buffy pointed out. "I was thinking about just telling him I've moved on; that I've realized it was just my hormones and that I don't really love him. If I say nothing about Spike, there's nothing for him to get mad about."

"I disagree," Xander spoke up. "You _should_ tell him, Buffy. Rub it in his face. He deserves it, the creepy, evil-dead stalker."

"I don't want anyone getting hurt." Buffy sighed; she knew Angel would be hurt either way, but there was no way around that. "And…I want to take a precaution." She took out a book from her bag she'd borrowed from the library.

"You actually _read_ something, Buffy?" asked Giles.

"Ha, ha. Now's not the time for jokes, Giles." Buffy opened it to the right page; she'd borrowed the book after realizing that she didn't love Angel. It contained the spell which revoked a vampire's invitation into a home, although she had forgotten about it as time had drawn on and she'd begun to suspect Angel wasn't coming back. "I came across this one day and found a spell which revoked a vampire's invitation into one's home."

"So you wish to do this for Angel?" asked Giles.

"Just in case the break-up doesn't go smoothly." She turned to Jenny. "Miss Calendar, you and Willow can handle it, right?"

The teacher nodded. "Where do we need to do?"

"My car!" Cordelia spoke up. "Angel was in my car once."

Buffy nodded. "Then you can do Willow's house, and then Giles's place, and then make your way back to my place. Start on it right after school; I'm supposed to be meeting him again tonight."

"Shall we break out the stakes and crosses as well?" asked Xander a little too gleefully.

While Buffy was reluctant, she nodded again.

Oz's eyebrow rose. "A little overkill, isn't it? I mean, he's a good guy still."

"I know, but I have no idea how he'll react, so I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario," Buffy admitted. "Like I said; I don't want anyone getting hurt. If I'm not there when you get to my house, tell Mum and Brian what's going on; I didn't get a chance to catch them this morning."

"You won't be there?" asked Giles.

"I might be; it depends how long I am," said Buffy. "The moment school's out, I'm going to the mansion. Spike needs to know his Grandpa's back in town."

* * *

A huge wave of relief swept through Buffy when she saw Spike un-dusted and well in the mansion, none the wiser to the huge problem that was unfolding.

He instantly realized something was wrong. "Buffy?"

Unable to help herself, Buffy crossed the gap between them and flung her arms around him. "You're OK. I wasn't sure if…"

"What?" he asked, pulling away so his eyes met hers. "Kitten, what's wrong?"

"Angel," Buffy replied. "He's back. He showed up in my room last night."

Buffy felt Spike's hands tightening on her shoulder. "I was there… I'd only just left… I could've come in with you so we could face him together…"

"I'm fine, Spike." She knew it wasn't a possessive protectiveness he was feeling for her. He was genuinely concerned for her well-being, thinking about her feelings alone. "I didn't tell him about us, or that I no longer love him; I said I needed some time, and he accepted that. He's coming over to my place tonight."

Spike nodded. "Make sure your mates have weapons ready. While I only knew the poofter when he was un-souled, parts of him are still the same; he doesn't like it when things don't go his own way, and added to that, he's a possessive git. He'll lash out."

"I found a spell," Buffy explained. "It revokes the invitation of any vampire to a home. I asked Willow and Miss Calendar to perform the spell." Seeing his worried expression, she added, "Yours will still stand; they're just getting rid of Angel's."

The vampire leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers. It was becoming a thing for them, and both loved it. "If something happens…nothin' will stop me from stakin' the bastard. I know you're still friendly with him, but if he hurts you…"

"I know," she said. "And trust me; if he hurts you, my friends or my family, I'll stake him myself. He's still a good guy; that's why I'm gonna talk to him and try letting him down easy."

"Good luck," Spike scoffed. Buffy reluctantly had to agree.

With their foreheads already together, it didn't take long for their lips to meet. The kisses grew as the pair fell down onto the couch, and when Buffy attempted to take Spike's shirt off, he pulled away.

She immediately protested. "Spike…"

"Should we really be doin' this now?" he asked.

"Just in case…something happens tonight," said Buffy honestly. "I know we'll take precautions, and I know you're wearing the gem, but…"

Seeing that she was working herself up, Spike shushed her soothingly. "It'll be alright, pet. We'll pull through."

Buffy blinked back the tears that had been threatening to spill, and nodded. "I know. But can we still do it?"

He smirked. "Of course we can, kitten. Anything for you." With that he scooped her into his arms, and Buffy giggled as the vampire carried her to his room.

* * *

It was night when Buffy and Spike finally made their way back to her house, each fighting the urge to hold hands. Both knew they could bump into Angel at any given moment, and Buffy would rather that confrontation wait until she and Spike were both safely in her home where the elder vamp couldn't follow.

They were almost home when she felt Spike tense beside her before he swept his gaze around the area. The Slayer knew what that meant; Spike could always tell when someone in his linage was close by. Moments later her own Slayer senses told her there was another vampire hanging around, and she turned to try and pinpoint where abouts.

Angel finally appeared behind them from seemingly out of nowhere, like he always did. "Were you patrolling?" he asked, sending Spike a glare.

"Yes," Buffy lied. "See? Spike helps. You two are family; you can probably see the change in him."

The elder vampire took a step closer, and Buffy resisted the urge to place herself between her new boyfriend and her ex. She watched cautiously as Angel looked Spike up and down, obviously looking for signs to show that the bleach blonde vampire was lying.

But when he took an extra step closer, he began sniffing before he frowned. "I can smell you on him. And him on you."

"It's really disgusting when vamps do that," Buffy commented. "What of it? We've just been patrolling together; of course we're gonna smell of each other a bit."

But Angel's frown deepened, and Buffy could see the anger and hurt beginning to build in his eyes. "Not like this. You're covered in each other. You…" Angel's gaze finally settled between her legs, and his eyes widened as his nostrils flared.

The Slayer realized what this meant. "Eww! Angel!"

"You slept with him!"

Buffy immediately placed herself in front of Spike, ready to defend him. "Angel, please, if you just let me explain-"

"You bastard! How dare you touch her! I'll kill you!" Angel leapt forwards, and before Buffy could react, she was on the ground with Angel still advancing towards Spike.

Suddenly there was a stake in the elder vampire's hand, which he rammed into Spike's chest without a second thought. Of course while Buffy knew Spike was wearing the Gem of Amara, seeing the stake in her love's heart still felt like a tremendous gut-punch.

"Bloody hell!" Spike cried out. "You wanker! That was my best shirt!" He tore the stake out of him and threw it aside.

Angel's eyes were wide with shock. "But I… You… You're supposed to be dust!"

It was only then, when the shock had worn off a little, that Buffy realized Angel had been carrying a stake on him. He rarely did that unless he had a reason to, and since he had been coming to talk with her…

_It didn't matter what I said last night. Angel had been planning on staking Spike anyway_. With that realization came an anger Buffy had never felt before. She leapt to her feet and grabbed Angel; ignoring his protests, she flung him as far away as she could.

"Quick! Inside!" Spike took Buffy's hand, and together they ran the short distance to her home. Behind them, Angel picked himself up and gave chase.

Buffy saw her mother opening the door, and she cried out, "Get in!" to Spike. She didn't want to risk the chance that Willow and Miss Calendar had accidentally revoked his invitation, too.

Whether they had or not, she didn't know; Spike ran inside with her behind him, and they both turned to see Angel chasing them with his game face on. He leapt at the open doorway with a roar, only to be flung backwards by the invisible barrier which protected the home. The force was enough to send him onto the lawn.

He sat up, his game face fading, and he regarded the open door with confusion. He then let out another angry snarl and tried again, but the barrier continued to deny him entry.

That was when an arrow was shot, hitting him in the shoulder. Angel looked up to see Brian with a crossbow in his hands. "I may not be a good shot, but consider that a warning."

Oz – who was by his side and holding two smaller crossbows in each hand – added, "Neither am I, and I guess that makes us more dangerous."

Giles was also holding a crossbow, and spoke up, "I _am_ a good shot, however. And if you continue to try and force your way inside, Angel, I _will not miss_."

Buffy looked around at her friends and family; both Willow and Jenny held a cross each, while her mother and Cordelia were holding glass bottles of Holy water. Xander held a stake at the ready, and he tossed one each to Buffy and Spike.

While Angel still looked ready to tear someone's head off, a confusion expression had also settled upon his face. "Buffy? I don't understand."

Buffy stood before him, just inches away but still safely behind the barrier. "Angel, I want you to listen to me. You need to hear the words I'm saying, and I don't want any interruptions. No matter what I say next, it's the truth and nothing but the truth; there've been no spells cast, or anything like that. So please, _listen_ to me."

"I…" But when Angel saw Brian loading another arrow into his crossbow, his words died on his tongue. "Alright."

The Slayer nodded. "When we first decided to spend time apart, I really wanted it to work, Angel. Please know that. And if you want to, we can still be friends. But the longer you spent away, the more I began to realize that I wasn't pinning for you; I didn't miss you."

"But wasn't that the point?"

Another arrow was fired, and it hit the edge of the door. "She said no interruptions," Giles reminded the vampire.

"Thank you." Buffy turned back to Angel. "I thought it was that at first…until I realized that I wasn't looking forwards to your return. Whenever I thought about you, I didn't get giddy like I used to. Time apart made me realize that what I felt for you wasn't love; it was me being a teenager. My hormones were in full swing, and I wasn't thinking about my relationship with you at all. There was no in between with us; we were strangers and then we were all over each other. I barely knew anything about you. I really hate to break it to you, but what we had was the equivalent of 'cute guy, all happening so fast, it must be love'. I'm sorry, Angel; I don't love you."

"But _I_ still love you!" He stepped back with raised hands when Giles took a threatening step forwards with his crossbow.

"Maybe that's what you think," said Buffy, "but it's not healthy. It's creepy. You lurk outside my window when you think I'm not watching, and according to my Slayer dreams, you first fell in love with me when I was _fifteen_. Stalker and pervert, much?"

"Things were different in my time!" Angel tried to protest. He gestured to Spike. "It's the same with _him!_ Why are you with _him_ now?!"

Buffy sighed. "Spike admittedly happened by accident. When he started helping, I started to notice him. Whenever we fight, we fight _together_; he fights _with_ me instead of _for_ me, and understands that I'm capable of handling myself. We have mutual interests, there's no awkward pauses when we talk, we laugh together, we have fun; just _being_ with him makes me happy. There's no burning desire to rip each other's clothes off, or the feeling that we can't stand being apart for one minute. And that's a _healthy_ relationship. That's _true_ love."

"You love him?!"

"Yes." She didn't have to turn to know that Spike was smiling. "And while you claim to have fixed the problem, Angel, I can see that you're only pretending. If you were truly in control-"

"Can you _blame_ me for losing control?!"

"I would have understood if you had been a little upset," she countered back. "But if you were truly in control, you would have asked for an explanation. You wouldn't have tried to _stake_ Spike then and there! And considering you _had_ that stake with you-"

"You cheated on me!"

"As far as I was aware, we were on a break," said Buffy. "But that's beside the point; I told you that Spike wasn't a threat, and you were planning to stake him anyway. This is why we can't work, Angel; you think you know what's best for me when you _don't_. You think I only belong to you, and fly into a jealous rage when I'm with someone else; it makes you just as dangerous as you were when you were soulless. That's not healthy, and it stops here. We're over. Deal with it. And while you have a choice to stay in Sunnydale, I'd prefer it if you left and never came back. And if you even _think_ about staking Spike with the idea that I'd get over him or come to my senses, I'll stake you back – but my stake will be bigger and _on fire_."

The anger in his eyes was finally gone, only to be replaced by pure heartbreak. Buffy knew that had she said what she'd just said the night before instead, it would have been out of line; she couldn't blame him for things that hadn't happened, and hopefully never _would_ happen. But Angel had tried to stake Spike, and that was something she couldn't forgive.

Angel's gaze fell on everyone, finally realizing that he wouldn't be getting any help from them. He was standing alone. He also knew that he wouldn't be getting inside anytime soon, and arguing the matter further wouldn't help either. So, with a final pained gaze, he turned and left without a word.

It was only then that Buffy broke down crying.


End file.
